You know those moments when the life lesson you’ve been working on presents you with a test. Now, this may be the first time you’re being tested or the tenth. Some people never make a different choice but, on this night, I was presented with a situation and I waivered and the universe bitch slapped me real hard.
Some backstory: The last few dates I’ve gone have ranged from disappointing to failures. Last night I was going on a first date with someone I was really excited to meet. I was going to take the metro from work to SM. Now in these situations, I’m always clear, because public transportation is never a guarantee, 1 message saying I’m on the train 2nd message with ETA. So, when I was 15 minutes from destination and hadn’t heard from my date I highly doubted he would be waiting at the station to get me. Eventually, he admits he’s not ready and will send a car for me. Long pauses, not very clear, me waiting. I wore a sundress expecting an early dinner the sun is going down and of course its colder at the beach than in the city. I’m also wearing fancy sandals that are horrible to walk in because I was expecting to be picked up.
I’m already low-key miserable because I’m hungry and chilly and waiting for a message back it's been about 25 minutes now. When a random man approaches me. “Look at you aren’t you beautiful” I smile but get up to move away. “MMm I can tell under that dress you have a nice body. Take off your glasses I bet those eyes are just as pretty” I shake my head and start walking away he yells after me “It doesn’t mean nothing. Show them to me baby.” Now I’m creeped out by this man and irritated because I left the nice little spot I was waiting at to get away from him.
I’m also chilly and the dude is not writing me. “If I don’t hear from you in 10 minutes I’m going to head home” he responds “I’m getting you a car.” What does he do though he gets a shared car from Uber where you have to walk to a random location. Now I don’t have the app since he’s ordering it and it wants me to go closer to the pier and the chaos than an easier spot to get someone like where I am, further away. I walk to it and to the surprise of no one I miss it. Imagine trying to get an Uber in the middle of Disney while you don’t have the phone but with a busy street in the middle. Dude doesn’t respond back. So, I head back to the station VERY over it.
Up until this point, this is just a “bad date” “no respect” kind of situation. Here is what is going on in my head. Bad bitches don’t wait this is mad disrespectful -leave. Soft me- you came all this way just wait a little longer you have no other plans he’s just into the chill surfer go with the flow vibe. Bad bitch- you don’t want a man who’s going to keep you waiting without reason or apology no matter if he’s amazing this isn’t what you deserve. Soft me- I want the nice sunset dinner in the marina that he planned and I want to go surfing with him one day and have beach adventures.
Eventually, I get on the train home- crying disappointed. He starts begging and pleading to still come out and he will come and get me to get off the train he’s 15 minutes from my next stop. I get off the train but don’t leave the station because I’m about to jump right back on this MF if he’s not here in 15 minutes. So, he says he's on his way and I go down to a spot that is easy to pick someone up at. Now there is no sun I’m straight up shivering and starving waiting alone in the night (mace on me but still). He says “5 minutes away” and then 15 minutes after I get an “I’m here.” I don’t see a car- look around repeatably- finally spots him standing on the opposite street corner. This dude didn’t bring his car he took... wait for it.... another shared Uber to me…. See tomorrow is street cleaning and he didn’t want to move his car because he’s on the good side. Now if you live in LA you will note this is a real struggle but also now I understood how 5 minutes became 20 cause that’s how shared rides work. For those of you getting suspicious he does actually own a car, I know this only because you can’t bring a surfboard and be a surfer without a car in this crazy city unless you're beachside adjacent (he is not) and I’ve seen pics.
I go over to him, we say hi etc and he orders another share and we walk 3 blocks very quickly to get to the spot. He does give me his jacket but it’s too small and were running holding hands trying to catch this car. At this point, I’m like fuck it just let whatever is going to happen happen. The thing is he’s not disclosing information or I would have offered to pay for a direct ride because I’m cold and my feet hurt but he doesn’t say he just does.
Now, where do you think we are going- the dinner spot? Nooooo he has them drop us off near the marina. He wants to smoke a cigarette by the water and hang out. I only slowly discover this over the next few minutes. He tries to hold me to keep me warm my feet are starting to blister. I don’t understand we are not at the restaurant because he’s not very transparent. I let this man hold me because I’m cold and because I’m trying to make the best of this and laugh at his jokes. He tells me how pretty I am and various other compliments. I feel like I’m living a very poorly written “bad date” rom-com situation.
He then orders another Uber to bring us to dinner this one luckily picks us up a block away and drops us off two blocks away from the resturant (eye roll). We eat and I’ve never met someone like this dude before. Truly he is fascinating in a creepy way- his life goal, he jokingly keeps saying, is to be a dictator. Currently, a pro surfer though so that career jump should be an easy one. I start looking at this as some kind of weird social experiment. I’m legit looking around for prank cameras or Ashton Kutcher because I’m like no way this dude is for real. He’s heavy on using the word facetious. His favorite thing to say after you say "I don’t want to talk about that" is “but why tell me more I want to talk about this.” I quickly learn to just change topics on slyly because he will just keep pushing.
So, if you’re reading this shaking your head thinking get the fuck out- I hear you- I was thinking the same thing pretty much the whole time. However, I feel guilty he’s paying for dinner blah blah internalized don’t rock the boat shit and some weird hope that this is going to change and not be horrendous. I excuse myself and look at my phone it would be $36 to take a shared ride home. I start barganing with myself: let him take you to his house so you're halfway home and then take your own ride the rest of the way. I get back to the table and tell him that is what i want to do and i'm ready to leave.
Do we leave then- not quite, he wants one more smoke by the water. At least this time we're only a few feet from it. Once we get dropped off by his apartment he immediately starts walking. Me: “where are we going?!?” Dude: “I gotta get this. I gotta go to the store.” We are now at the liquor store he’s buying cigarettes. I start getting my own ride home and order it while he’s in there. He offered but no way am I going through that fiasco again. He does wait with me,I wanted to run away, but also didn’t want to be standing alone on venice blvd at 11:00 at night. It finally arrives and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. All I want to do is call my ex and thank him for not being this guy, for taking care of me on our dates, and listening to me when I speak.
I wish I had just stayed on the train I could have been home by 8 only loosing 2 hours of my life to this non-sense. Instead, I’ve spent from 6:04 when he was meant to get me to 11 in pure random chaos. I know it’s just one dude, one bad date, but I’m devastated- how many times do we (the pervibal "we" of woman dating) have to go out and have these shitty experiences all because we want to find a life partner? The ironic thing is this dude was into me and said "I want to date you. I want the kind of life you want." Hypothetically he did but he didn’t actually respect me- my time- or what I wanted.
Yes, I was disappointed that this is what it takes to date in the modern world in the whacky way we meet from apps and shit but more so disappointed in myself. If I had left when my gut was screaming to at 6:40 after waiting that first 40 minutes none of this would have happened. If I had listened to the bad bitch side of me instead of the soft romantic I wouldn’t be in a shared ride home taking over 45 minutes at 11:00 on Tuesday in a sundress shivering. Of if I had listened to my gut the second time I was on the train and didn't get off BUT I let my desire for love lead me to waiting another 35 minutes and going through all that insanity. If I valued myself more and listened to all the nagging feelings in my heart and gut I would have bailed right away. If you don’t show respect for me date one, best behavior date, then how are you going to be when things get hard. Ultimetly, it wasn’t about him... it was about me knowing my worth and getting and staying on that fucking train. I gotta keep doing the work so next time
