Hookup Culture VS Dating

hookup culture:

The era that began in the early 1990s and has since prevailed on college campuses and elsewhere when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of heterosexual liaison.

Example: I'm not interested in any sort of relationship. I just want to enjoy the hookup culture. (Urban Dictionary) 6 people agree

dating:

The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.

Example: Yeah, I've dated her several times. 1st time was flowers, a movie, and a nice dinner. The second time was a fancy dinner and tickets to an event. And on the third date we saw a movie again and, badda-bing-badda-boom, we had sex before the night was through. (Urban Dictionary)

dating 588 people agree

dating 2:

socially acceptable form of prostitution.

Example: I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase. (Urban Dictionary) 1,682 people agree

     To start the definition that I like the least had the most likes dating=prostitution..... Now sure you'll say Shannon but this is data/info from urbandictionary not life. Well let me share.... I was enjoying a nice dinner with a dear friend who I haven't been able to girl chat with for months. We equally had about half a years worth of "guy stories" to share and as these tales unraveled I was so struck. Struck with the feeling that as both attractive, educated, fun women we had nearly identical experiences of be courted and dropped like a bag of trash you throw in a dumpster when you're "done." Even if I didn't have enough self worth and confidence in myself (which I do) here is this knockout blonde sitting across from me telling the same tale.

     We spent a good 3 hours discussing the pros and cons of truth vs seduction and you can read my thoughts mentioned here: Truth VS Seduction Blog. I think ultimately a relationship of the most sincere truth is the only way to go but what if you can't even get that far because you won't put out on date 3 where does that leave you?  Why date 3 ?!?!? all the posts on urban dictionary mention date 3 like it's some magical number society has deemed appropriate. After 3 dates you know someone moderately well so now we won't judge you and call you a slut or whore for having sex. I can say that within minutes of meeting someone I know if i'm into them enough to ever seriously consider sleeping with them but dating someone has become different and not the way people test out if they like each other.

    Let's introduce Barney's from How I Met Your Mother lemon law logic:

Lemon Law Tuesday, November 15, 2005, 11:49am                                     Check it. New thing. The Lemon Law. On a blind date and realize whoever set you up with this uggo is truly not your friend? You're free to go. Walk into a coffee shop and spot a muffin top spilling all over the hottie you've been chatting with online? Walk away, my friend. Eject. Abort. Do not pass Go. The Lemon Law allows you to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. Consider it a hall pass for dating. 

 

       In some ways I would be totally down for that. Your not into me I'm no into you so let's bail no hard feelings and peace out. But instead as Joan from mad men says: "Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate." So I find myself doing the most insane things "just to see" or "make sure" that they do in fact don't actually give 2 fucks about me. Does that put me in the wrong as well- of course but that's my shit. In 2013 there are fewer societal restrictions on going out in comparison to say eras with chaperones and no one ever being in social situations alone with the opposite sex rules. There has to be some middle ground between all out anything goes and the strict stigma related shaming of the past.  

     My friend and I came to no real conclusion that night other then we have no idea why finding someone is so hard. Then today I came across this hilarious gem:  why chivalry is dead from a mans perspective and thought well he makes one solid point. "Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex." this lead to a massive facebook debate both genders battling out their points. 

      It rang true for me and what I had been experiencing but the male's comments opened up my ears that they also don't want to be "used" in the process. My favorite comment being "Sounds like the women don't want to be used as sex objects and the men don't want to be used as meal tickets" now there's some truth. But how can a women define herself when words like this exist: 
Hook Up Bitch:

Hook Up Bitch: a female that men use for sex but is not suitable for serious dating

Example: Stephie ain't my girlfriend; she's my hook up bitch.

Wow so this person is usable like a toy and I would guess most of the time these womaen aren't entering into the situation knowing they are a hook up bitch. I'm all for getting down in a casual away if both parties are aware of that but it seems like more and more one sided. There is this idea of well I can't possibly get someone who will have manners, treat me with respect, and love me so I subtle for what I can get. I've done it my friend was doing it and for what? The hope that one day one unknown time in the future it will be different? better? actually amazing?

       I don't like that every date I've attempted to have in the past 2 months has resulted in a guy sending my dirty pictures of them or bailing last minute. I want to go and meet someone go on an adventure and have an experience. Maybe it will be a blast maybe it will be shitty but it will be REAL not a text message chat or bs -well you can come to my house and "hang out" kind of date. I just want to date like go on real dates places and have fun. Maybe one day in the future I'll want a commitment but now I just want to experience something real and not be someone's hook up bitch or date prostitute. I'm sending a call to everyone let's keep the standard the gold rule: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. Be nice, be kind, and want to give someone a nice experience on a date genuinely and not because there may be some kind of pay off. Or you can just be like this guy.....