It's Like Totally Primal

  

         There are just some things that we as humans don't really acknowledge in our daily day to day lives. Once thing I almost never think of is that fact I am a living breathing organism, a creature on this planet, a mammal with a high functioning brain capable of self thought and regulation. That more animal like side of our nature seems to lie dormant hidden behind cell phones and pre prepared food.  Try to picture yourself as a cave person what you have been a hunter or a gatherer? Were the cave girls walking around hiking up their loin cloths to attract the men!?!? No they used their senses and let pheromones guide the way. Instinctually we still have certain elements of that time in us like the fight or flight response. Or in a physical way we still have harry bodies and wisdom teeth we don't need that shit we got snuggys and utensils.      
         I'm very familiar with mating in the modern age and actually very well versed in dating in the 19th century (thank you extensive Jane Austen research) but we know nothing about our older ancestors. I guess when you're trying to survive all the time you probably don't have much time for threesomes and catty girl fights over who stole your man. Who am I to make assumptions maybe that's exactly what they did we'll never know (unless the Doctor does eventually find me and take me away for an adventure in the Tardis- still hoping)! We assume they were ruled by the more animal side and less cognitive. I on the other hand am always all up in my head and have to constantly remind myself to check in with what my body is telling me. This is most apparent when I'm realizing i'm spiraling into an anxiety attack of how some emotion i'm containing is messing up my health and well being. There are these rare moments in life when something seems to almost "trigger" something deep within us.
       I had a really exhausting day at work mentally and physically. I got yelled at and bullied and my senses were on overdrive from this god awful ringer on our new phone system. I was telling a guy who i've known for some time now a little about the ordeal. He got all manly and serious and said "You just give me names and addresses and I will take care of it for you. No one gets to make you feel bad." Was he half joking yes (if we was fully serious I would be scared) was he still half serious though-YES! I know if I had said the word he would have done it for me with out flinching but he is that kind of person a little rough and reactive but sweet. I countered "Don't joke I know you would" pointer finger out with a squinting silly mean face. He replied "Name the time and the place" and we both laughed.

It was a face kind of like this but more silly!

     Was it all in good fun- sure... but the more surprising aspect of the whole conversation was that it was kind of hot. Like I actually really enjoyed the idea that this guy would defend my honor by physically kicking some one's ass. Which is totally contrary to my beliefs as a Buddhist who is against violence completely! What made this incident even more interesting to me was the fact I had literally just the night before watched an episode of Louie called "Bully" (which can be found on netflix) where on a date he didn't stand up to this punk kid who was giving him a hard time. His date went from being totally DTF to turned off. She's surprised he's surprised and she chalks it up to primal instincts and goes home in a cab. I laughed because I thought that would never happen in real life like that- until it did- today but in the reverse. It only further proved to me that you will never truly know how you will react in any given situation until you are really in it.
      Years ago when my mom was gushing breast junk out of a tube I was able to pull my shit together and get her to the hospital- not everyone can do that, trust me. I can preform well under immense pressure but then my first time in front of a gigantic Hollywood camera as an extra I was mesmerized like a deer in head lights staring straight at the camera (the biggest don't rule in film acting)- point is you NEVER KNOW. So here I was looking at this guy thinking about this hypothetical ass whooping and I was impressed. My reaction was not only shocking to me but made me re question my ideas about pacifism. Apparently somewhere deep inside me the urge for either protection or a domineering fight for survival still exists.
      Maybe it's because i'm getting in touch with my personal more angry side. Or perhaps it's simply because it was nice to think someone would go to such lengths to protect me because they care. Either way it brought to my awareness something that probably deserves a little self reflection- luckily I'm one of those mammals with a super awesome pattern of brain schema's to help me put it all together- thanks evolution!