The day I left for LA

A huge part of me feels like it was just yesterday that I left. I remember Pat helping me pack up my car and asking "Are you sure this is all going to fit?" my response "No...just keep shoving it all in." I had drawn a little map about how I imagined everything would fit in the car and that worked up until a point and then it was just pile it in... pile it on top of that.... and then shove this behind that pile. Some things were removable like my backpack and the container with the food I packed. One point I attempted to get some makeup out of a bag and all this stuff came piling out, one word, Jenga. I remember having a chanting session with my lovely Chicopee district SGI and crying the whole time just sincerely chanting for protection and strength. I was so scared because it was something I had wanted for so long with every fiber of my being. I think saying goodbye to my father was the hardest part of that morning. It's weird because that day is blending with the the last time I went home and left in my memory those days "feel" the same. I was so unbelievably tired on my drive to PA because I was just overwhelmed physically and emotionally. At 3 hours in I remembering panicking thinking "turn around you can't do this, you're insane." Luckily the passion in myself that wants to be a film actress won out. It was the one and only time on the trip I considered going back. I look a small nap at a McDonalds, the only nap I was ever able to take in my car on that trip even though I tried numerous times. On my final hour to N's I saw this weird light that looked like a UFO or something as I passed I realized it was the Amish! Of course the highlight was being able to stop and spend the weekend with Nicole and Chris. Sort of re-adapt and adjust being "gone" but not "gone" yet. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I did turn around where and what would I be doing now??? I am so happy I was strong enough to have not turned around because I am happy, even with all the challenges, to be here today in my room with the beautiful Cali sunshine ~S~