The Independent Woman's Conundrum

        In the past year I've really struck about the idea of personal Independence- what if means to have it or not, it's pros and cons and what it means for me, personally, in my life. Now i'm not just talking about the showy very bold Beyonce "I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent" kind of independent women.It's power can't be denied of course 10 Most Empowering Beyonce Songs (although I prefer my role models to be more clothed). I'm also pointing out the everyday subtle independence that's about the pure joy and freedom of running one's own life the way you, and only you, wish it to be.
            I left home at 24 to move from Massachusetts out to LA my mom had died 2 years earlier and my father was not very present.  I had made the choice at 16 to move to LA and everything after that was just a series of steps to bring that to fruition. There was no one there to try to stop me but even if there had been I would have done it anyways. I only had one panic attack 4 hours into my cross country move where I doubted my choice and wanted to return, it lasted 10 minutes, and I haven't looked back since. I didn't always have a strong inner voice I had to find it and develop it and education was a big part of that. However once I found it.....it was all me- my choice and my dreams. I believed in standing up for something you wanted even at the risk of failure and I still do.
        I always knew it would be hard there was never a doubt in my mind about that. I made a goal the next year to be financially independent at any price. I knew as long as someone was paying for me they could have control over me and even take it all away. That first 6 months I made only $10 a hour and somehow managed to live in this very expensive city. By the next September I had a job that paid all my bills, nothing extra, but just enough. It wasn't until recently when my health has been bad have I had to ask for anything.
          I have friends in different cultural communities who have little to no Independence. They are confined to live with their parents until marriage and don't have much opportunity for their voices and thoughts to be acknowledge. It also come with a strong bond of care, sometimes over bearing care, that I can't fathom. No one ever tells me what to do or how to live my life. Sometimes I wish I had that person who cares enough to be that involved no matter how menacing or annoying it seems. It fascinating to see this dichotomy play our in our lives. Both successful, intelligent women whose live are influenced my such a different set of standers and rules.

      Without freedom of choice I buck like a wild horse someone is trying to tame. The more someone tells me what I "have to do" the more I want to rebel against it. I think it's important especially as a women, to always be knowledgeable about your options in all circumstances. Try and learn everything about it so you can make the most informed choice for yourself. I can't and won't knock down someone for choosing to live a life that is kept under a more patriarchal system. I do however vehemently am adamant about fighting for women who can't make that choice that need our help in being able to stand up and be independent.
       When I see the news stories around the world I can't believe how little freedom others have. It's not even women but young girls who endure female genital mutilation, rape, and domestic abuse. I wish I could be the voice for every single person that can't have one- I don't know how to do that. So I write it out in blogs and raps and hope that it touches someone so they can be part of my goal too.



   Wow Shannon this has been such a pro independent women piece- what is this "conundrum" you're on about? I've seen it in my life and in one particular friend. She has a master degree, is a powerhouse of questioning privilege and diversity, and she answers to no one. Sometimes though on certain days... she just wants to be taken care of. I had the same thought yesterday- my body was very week from the SIBO and I paused thinking how nice it would be if someone could clean my smoothie containers so I could make one to eat. There's that pang of longing where you're seeking help and comfort but the structure of the life you have doesn't have that built into it.
          I struggle with the idea of "I need someone" vs "no, I can do it all myself." When you don't have anyone around you can't be disappointed but when you need someone, there isn't always someone watching your back for you either. I don't know the solution and how the puzzle pieces fit together I flip flop daily.This isn't a bad thing it just is a piece that's important to remember. People need people no matter how much we fight it! It's so easy to say I'm going to this with no one's help but my own. That's such a great fighting spirit but we also have to consider the type of people we want to be on our journey with. Friends who support are advancements at work, girlfriends who don't just gripe about boys, and mentors to continue to inspire you to grow.   
         I also worry how much influence men have over me and the patriarchal that still runs much of my environment. I like to believe in equality but I don't see it happening. Patricia Arquette's said in her now world famous Oscar speech “It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the United States of America.” The way our health care laws are made without consulting women and the predominance of rape culture. I'm conflicted about how to live within this system while fighting against it.

      My wish is for all the independent women out there who pay all their own bills, including student loans, their rent, their food, who refuse to bend to the status quo to surround yourself with like minded people. Those who can be there for you in your "I just want someone to take care of me" moments and your "I do my job better then that guy but get paid half as much" frustrations. Together we can do anything in the words of Beyonce:

 
   Now if we could get this video but with ALL KINDS of powerful women that would be epic!
Mother Theresa, Malala Yousafzai, Gloria Steinem, Rosa Parks, Jill Stein, Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton,Tina Fay, Laverne Cox, Elizabeth Warren, Opra Winfrey just off the top of my head- may have to make this video myself!