The Independent Woman's Conundrum

        In the past year I've really struck about the idea of personal Independence- what if means to have it or not, it's pros and cons and what it means for me, personally, in my life. Now i'm not just talking about the showy very bold Beyonce "I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent" kind of independent women.It's power can't be denied of course 10 Most Empowering Beyonce Songs (although I prefer my role models to be more clothed). I'm also pointing out the everyday subtle independence that's about the pure joy and freedom of running one's own life the way you, and only you, wish it to be.
            I left home at 24 to move from Massachusetts out to LA my mom had died 2 years earlier and my father was not very present.  I had made the choice at 16 to move to LA and everything after that was just a series of steps to bring that to fruition. There was no one there to try to stop me but even if there had been I would have done it anyways. I only had one panic attack 4 hours into my cross country move where I doubted my choice and wanted to return, it lasted 10 minutes, and I haven't looked back since. I didn't always have a strong inner voice I had to find it and develop it and education was a big part of that. However once I found it.....it was all me- my choice and my dreams. I believed in standing up for something you wanted even at the risk of failure and I still do.
        I always knew it would be hard there was never a doubt in my mind about that. I made a goal the next year to be financially independent at any price. I knew as long as someone was paying for me they could have control over me and even take it all away. That first 6 months I made only $10 a hour and somehow managed to live in this very expensive city. By the next September I had a job that paid all my bills, nothing extra, but just enough. It wasn't until recently when my health has been bad have I had to ask for anything.
          I have friends in different cultural communities who have little to no Independence. They are confined to live with their parents until marriage and don't have much opportunity for their voices and thoughts to be acknowledge. It also come with a strong bond of care, sometimes over bearing care, that I can't fathom. No one ever tells me what to do or how to live my life. Sometimes I wish I had that person who cares enough to be that involved no matter how menacing or annoying it seems. It fascinating to see this dichotomy play our in our lives. Both successful, intelligent women whose live are influenced my such a different set of standers and rules.

      Without freedom of choice I buck like a wild horse someone is trying to tame. The more someone tells me what I "have to do" the more I want to rebel against it. I think it's important especially as a women, to always be knowledgeable about your options in all circumstances. Try and learn everything about it so you can make the most informed choice for yourself. I can't and won't knock down someone for choosing to live a life that is kept under a more patriarchal system. I do however vehemently am adamant about fighting for women who can't make that choice that need our help in being able to stand up and be independent.
       When I see the news stories around the world I can't believe how little freedom others have. It's not even women but young girls who endure female genital mutilation, rape, and domestic abuse. I wish I could be the voice for every single person that can't have one- I don't know how to do that. So I write it out in blogs and raps and hope that it touches someone so they can be part of my goal too.



   Wow Shannon this has been such a pro independent women piece- what is this "conundrum" you're on about? I've seen it in my life and in one particular friend. She has a master degree, is a powerhouse of questioning privilege and diversity, and she answers to no one. Sometimes though on certain days... she just wants to be taken care of. I had the same thought yesterday- my body was very week from the SIBO and I paused thinking how nice it would be if someone could clean my smoothie containers so I could make one to eat. There's that pang of longing where you're seeking help and comfort but the structure of the life you have doesn't have that built into it.
          I struggle with the idea of "I need someone" vs "no, I can do it all myself." When you don't have anyone around you can't be disappointed but when you need someone, there isn't always someone watching your back for you either. I don't know the solution and how the puzzle pieces fit together I flip flop daily.This isn't a bad thing it just is a piece that's important to remember. People need people no matter how much we fight it! It's so easy to say I'm going to this with no one's help but my own. That's such a great fighting spirit but we also have to consider the type of people we want to be on our journey with. Friends who support are advancements at work, girlfriends who don't just gripe about boys, and mentors to continue to inspire you to grow.   
         I also worry how much influence men have over me and the patriarchal that still runs much of my environment. I like to believe in equality but I don't see it happening. Patricia Arquette's said in her now world famous Oscar speech “It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the United States of America.” The way our health care laws are made without consulting women and the predominance of rape culture. I'm conflicted about how to live within this system while fighting against it.

      My wish is for all the independent women out there who pay all their own bills, including student loans, their rent, their food, who refuse to bend to the status quo to surround yourself with like minded people. Those who can be there for you in your "I just want someone to take care of me" moments and your "I do my job better then that guy but get paid half as much" frustrations. Together we can do anything in the words of Beyonce:

 
   Now if we could get this video but with ALL KINDS of powerful women that would be epic!
Mother Theresa, Malala Yousafzai, Gloria Steinem, Rosa Parks, Jill Stein, Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton,Tina Fay, Laverne Cox, Elizabeth Warren, Opra Winfrey just off the top of my head- may have to make this video myself!  

What a Dick Pic Means to Me

*There are two dick pics in this post- you've been warned         

     To me a dick is just like looking at any other part of the body a knee, left ear lobe, pinkie finger. But Shannon you'll say there is a sexual element to this body part. Suuuure I'll agree to that certain dicks may illicit that kind of response. However when I get woken up by the ding of my phone and see that it's a guy I've been chatting to only to open it and reveal a fully erect penis... I'm not happy- I'm not attracted to it, I don't want to see it , and my personal bubble of safety feels intruded upon. There are scenarios when that might not be the case mostly when I've know a person for a long time and there dick means something to me.

Yep- this is probably the most cliche girl thing I will ever write but only when I have an emotional attachment to the person the dick is attached to is it something I want to see. Call me crazy but random dicks DO NOT TURN ME ON. So now that we've covered my opinion let's discuss why men feel the need to send dick pics- let's hypothesize
A- they think it turns us on
B-they get off on someone seeing it with out the judgment of it being a real encounter
C- that ego
D- asserting a dominating element "you will see this whether you want to or not"
Here's some comments from actual men about this phenomena:
Glamour- Why dudes send dick picks ( In their words)

Funny Story:
I give a guy my number (in reality I accidentally give him my sister's number I end in 42 she ends in 43). Side note: my sister and I have done this at least 4 times now we never mean to but it always turns out pretty funny. I get a text "Hey, I just text you sister glad I didn't open with a dick pic." I wrote back something like "haha good thing you didn't" to which he responded "so.....no dick pic then?" It was hilarious when I thought he was playing on the stupidity of this absurd trend but it was annoying as fuck when I realized he really meant it.

The Burning Question on my Mind:
When did this all start like approximately circa 2007 maybe ?!?! I got my first at 19 and it was shocking then like I was blown away - now it seems common place. It's so common place in fact this girl a self proclaimed "dick critic" wrote an article about how to take a good one... which I appreciate because number 10 is this (which should be number one) "Make sure you’re meeting bare minimum standards of human decency by only sending dick pics to people who’ve consented to see them." 10-dos-donts-of-dick-pics If you feel brave (I really mean that) you can see her critiquemydickpic.tumblr where she grades and critiques submissions all with senders full permission so "nothing untoward" about that minus a lot a lot of penis.  This one I just have to share from a man about to go to jail..... I laughed out loud for a solid minute

I also chuckled when I changed the "format size" from medium to extra large to make the text and picture more readable- S.C

 On a personal note this tumblr made me realize all my sexual encounters have had really nice dicks something I didn't know I should be grateful for until viewing this account. Momentary pause to hope none of them are reading this and the sigh of relief realizing none of them ever will. But if this blog does find any of you pat yourself on the back you're dick was great.

Another example:
Aziz Ansari in his comedy special does a funny bit on the commonality of the trend.
Another big chunk of Buried Alive is about the strangeness of dick pics. Why did you choose to make it such a sizable segment in the special?
I was just talking about how dumb guys are nowadays, and the idea that people are sending dick pics – it's so crazy to me. When I started asking audiences, "Clap if you're a single woman and a guy sent you a dick pic," I was very surprised. What percentage would you think would get a dick pic? I would guess 40 percent. But it seemed like every city I went to, it was at least 80 percent. And that was startling, that such a high percentage of them had something that absurd happen to them. It seems like such a dumb thing. I say this in the special, but I just don't understand the logic behind it. A dick is a very dumb-looking, boring thing. Excerpt for Village Voice

This is real life:
Do you really think I could write an article and not include a photo?!? This is THE BEST/WORST dick pic I've ever received and the count is probably near 20 at this point. I believe this man called it "mighty cock" or some such heroic name really the possibilities are endless.

Imagining opening up your phone and seeing this... what is your reaction?!? In memory serves me my mouth fell opened then I looked away then I laughed then I looked again to make sure it was really indeed a girl action figure toy on his cock and then I was over it. Sure, because I'm brilliant at that kind if thing, I could have said something witty/sexy in return but the bottom line is there is nothing really sexy about that!

Consent first send second:
What I want to get back to is the UNSOLICITED element of this. If you're in a sexting scenario or a partnership fine by all means divulged in a little fun play when it's open welcome and consented upon. By sending someone out of the blue/randomly/ or as an opener after getting their number it is NOT OKAY! It's sexual harassment plain and simple and yet it goes so wildly unpunished and continues to run rampant I dare say world wide, even though I have no proof of this. Do we let this just keep going on spiraling more and more out of control till we fear every ding of our phones?!? I feel I shouldn't have to be afraid to give out my number or be blamed for giving it out and then in turn getting these photos.

Check out Elite Daily's Video:

Final thoughts:
I just... can't... really I can't. I am all for a mutual expression of sexuality in creative ways when both adults consent to it. I am not for being exposed to sexuality illicit materials when I'm not expecting it or seeking it out even in non dating contexts. You have no right to affront me with that shit and I would never do that to someone else. What offends one person may not another and that really is not a risk I think anyone would want to take in this world of lawsuits but with the decline of common decency that seems to have become void. I think intimate things should be shared with those who you can trust intimately if not it does not belong on my iphone. I'm wrapping this up with one last picture

(eye roll) This is too common for any one's good!

28 and Never Been in a Relationship

      

        So this isn't like never been kissed where some horribly dorky goal gets a makeover and finds a really great guy. It's the story of a someone whose had her fair share of dorky phases but it generally considered pretty. The story of someone who can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and be engaging. The story of one girl who at 28, even with several lovely traits to recommend her, has never been anyone's girlfriend. For the purposes of this article we are disregarding the writers 1 day "relationship" in 6 th grade and 3 day "stint" in 7th grade although both these guys are still in her life and she's glad of it. This is the story of how turning 28 hit her heart in a totally unexpected way.
         It started with a thought, as most of my articles do, when I was at my birthday party and realized huh- when I was a teenager I always imagined i'd get married at 28. It was what my young naive brain considered an ideal timeline "oh i would have met someone by 25 we could have had 3 years traveling, hanging out, and being awesome, I don't need to get married earlier, then have my first kid by 30." For the past few years this imaginary deadline never came to mind but for some reason dressed in 70's garb drinking an alcoholic snow cone in Hollywood it did. In immediate fear and shock I pulled out my phone to check happn and see the immediate men in my vicinity at that moment. Thinking maybe it's tonight, maybe it's now.... it wasn't.
          Truly 28 was just this arbitrary number that seemed to fit into the plan of what I imagined my life to be what my 16 year old self wanted. My 28 year old self can not imagine being married right now it's hard enough planning a date with my schedule let alone a full blown partnership. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks a few mornings after. Michael was imparting his sage wisdom that "it's better to not drink at all then have one beer." To which I turned to him and said "Michael I will always care for him but he is not what I want anymore. He's not the man because X, Y, Z. Also because I want someone who wants me. Where we look into each others eyes and pick each other. I've never been anybody's girlfriend I've never been in a reciprocal love relationship and I'm 28 and that sucks" I was crying at this point. He stared back at me with a deep look of sadness. I turned away and murmured "I try -I don't what else to do" and he answered with his usual retort "it's a numbers game you just" " i know I know" I stop him begging not to hear this theory again.
           The idea just kept ruminating in the back of my psyche popping up every few hours nagging at the part of my conscious brain that just didn't want to pay it any mind. Is this me? or some societal deadline i'm inflicting on myself? It's me I want this- let's be real with ourselves we want this... it went on this way for a week. I had a meetup with a guy from tinder who was hosting and preforming a comedy show in Hollywood. I dragged my friend after work to go but the whole event was closing down as we got there and I only saw him briefly twice before he seemingly vanished. Not wanting to seem to eager and say hi when I first arrived and then he didn't respond to my text. To make the situation more interesting we were drinking "the nectar of the gods" amazon meal that is suppose to illicit fertility and sexual vigor.

           He was insanely attractive, a dj, a comedian oh and had a beard :) but this was a fail all around.We decided to try our luck strolling down hollywood blvd on the walk of fame. We split a slice of pizza and meandered by the bars looking to see who was out and what we could find. Standing outside the W peering into the outside bar my friend said "Soul mate are you there?!? ( long pause) no my soul mates not here." She made a very sad dejected pout face hung her head and pretended to be crushed. This joke became our new thing as we walked in and out of places looking for our soul mates. It was silly we were having but the underlining truth was that two sexy, awesome, intelligent, ladies were both still very single.
         We went into a sports bar after I announced "come on a sports bar will have guys let's go." She suggests doing a lap which I pleasantly agree. It's one of my personal favorite ways to "scope out the scene" also good for celebrity spotting and finding the emergency exits. As we passed these 2 gentleman at the corner of the bar they totally turned their heads and were checking us out. I say over my shoulder "did you see that?" "yep" she smirked back. We decide to leave anyway but being in this playful mode I go over to the window outside to see if there still there. We were lingering joking around about fried chicken when the taller bearded guy came into the lobby and looked out at us. I looked back told her to come look. It sounds truly ridiculous now recanting this back and forth game but we were just fucking around and certainly not taking our search seriously at all. We continued on our way to a convenient store to look at the fake Oscars. When low and behold who come into the store a few moments later but the 2 guys.
          She looks at me and snickered "you know these are the guys right" to which I respond "I know" with a smirk. I don't know how it happened but it mere few seconds i'm now dancing with a Jewish Seth Rogen look alike in the middle of a convenient store on the walk of fame. Banter goes on about my key necklace being the key to my heart her crystal necklace holding secret powers blah blah blah. We continue talking outside for about a half hour and the conversation went in all the ridiculous ways first conversations usually do.
            I became really aware in that moment their are two kinds of girls when it comes to leaving men your not interested in. Type A: the ones who don't engage in conversation or politely say bye i'm not interested etc and leave Type B: the ones who even though they aren't interested stay. This situation has happened so many time in my various bar, club, event settings but for whatever reason at this moment it becomes clear. I am the type A girl I would rather being doing anything else more worthy of my time then spending another second around someone who can't doesn't spark my intellectual interests. She's type B and the slow decline of conversations spirals to a level of boredom all of us are too polite to exit from.
     The highlight of the conversation and the purpose for all this back story is:
Bearded guy: I have a guestion when you ladies came into the bar you clearly seemed like you were looking for something... what was it?
( we exchange glances)
Friend: french fries
Me: ya we had pizza and we've been walking up and down the bulevard looking for fries
Bearded guy: there's a fry shop over there (points) or the bar had fries- I don't beleive you for a second what were you really looking for?
Me: Do you really want to know? Truly? (he nods) soul mates
Both guys laugh
Bearded Guy: fair enough mission I can't knock that

        It's interesting because you can't really knock someone for looking for love it's the most honorable search in life.  No matter what people say at then end of the day everybody wants to be loved even if they ago about in truly fucked up ways sometimes. As we recounted the whole evenings events in the car we noted how nice it was how these guys made the effort to follow and initiate talking. It's rewarding to feel wanted by someone every now and again even if it doesn't necessarily go anywhere after that. For me it was like something out of a movie beyond what my younger self could have imagined about being in LA and what I'd be up to at 28.
         I openly admit I was a bit butthurt (god I hate that term) about the Tinder guy and the fact I didn't randomly meet a guy who was into me.  My friend on the other hand actually went out with one of the guys the next night! I am frustrated because I don't know how more transparent I can be. I'm open and honest about my intentions and what i'm looking for. I only engage in things that seem to be on that same page of what I want. And after all these "experiences" I've had over the past few months I feel utterly disheartened.
       A second incident, that will be mentioned in another blog, happened on Friday night that pretty much sealed it for me. Now is not the time for what ever reason the universe is being very clear- NO. A friend mentioned for all of my efforts that perhaps i'm trying to manifest something too hard. It saddens me that at my age I've never dated anyone seriously and if i'm being honest not even come close.  I've dated casually a lot but never with a commitment or title attached. I openly acknowledge the role I potentially played in protecting myself from being hurt perhaps. However when all if said and done I just don't understand why.

Dateable VS Fuckable

          In talking with my friends the past few weeks I have been blown away by the fact that so many girls are always left wondering what is the difference between them being somebody a guy would date and somebody who they just want to sleep with. I decided to ask people in my environment (in an attempt to get some answers for myself and my girls) about what they found to be the difference between the two. The results were pretty surprising considering there isn't one straight answer. I put a post on Facebook to see if I could get any of my male friends to simply answer the question and surprisingly, actually not surprisingly because it's VERY revealing about one's character, there was very few responses. Maybe it's because they don't want to share because we're friends but more so I think it's because it's not a conscious thing. I think they tend to think about it as something that happens on a more subconscious level.

        So I took this conundrum to work because I thought 'hey therapists will talk about these kind of things right?' The conversation we had came up with 2 main factors. One being what we defined as the perceived level of sluttiness. Note this does not rely on how sexually active the person actually is but rather how the other person perceives them. The second being desire to date during the daytime. See when you take away the booze there's no illusions of the night and there's less shadiness. Can you picture yourself out in the world with this person in full light where the whole world can see you? I considered this a pretty accurate conclusion but then I found so many more answers based on people's maturity, individualism, and openness to respond truthfully.

         I received a simple text answer from a friend with a mere two words "forbidden fruit" every time he elaborated he just continued with more innuendos but nevertheless I thought it was an interesting response. I do think that the allure of an unknown person would greatly change the desirability of that person. On the other hand there also is an element of time lessening/increasing this person's desirability. Is this person there for a single day or are they going to be in my environment all of the time. People are more willing to take risks when the potential amount of time spent together is lower.

      My favorite answers came from men who I consider having moved passed the immature douchey stage. An old high school friend said "There really isn't a difference between a girl I would date and a girl I would just sleep with because if I were willing to sleep with them then chances are I'd want to date them."My roommate believes it's a combination of having no expectations for any given experience and to let things happen organically. Nothing forced, no set ideas about what's happening, but just to go with the flow and see how things play out. These seem like more mature views a more adult like stance so to say. Both no longer see the point in just "hooking up" unless there is a potential for something more even if it's just casual not monogamous dating.

         The opposite of "adult" is the straight up insanity that is found online. These days the internet provides a plethora of opinions and an open forum to express that ridiculousness without revealing your identity. This "article" from Elite Daily- The voice of generation-Y   The Girls You Hook Up With Vs. The Girls You Marry is an example of a very male driven simple view on this complex topic. I can't tell you how many times I rolled my eyes reading this 20? 40? 75??? I mean it was a lot! The medium of the internet gives the anonymity for people to say what they want to say without judgment of others responses in their face. The following responses all came from a Reddit forum thread and they show various opinions about what guys think in regards to this question. 

Some fast and quick opinions....
Atheleus Availability?
yourhometownsucks Usually about 40 pounds.
gravitykillsbabies  A paper bag
M-Lin Anal
helloreddits456464 About 50 IQ points

You can see here that they really were not holding back anything.
Now this little gem is my favorite response for it's ridiculousness.....
homeboy5925 a hook up (aka a "jump off") is basically anyone who is willing/stupid enough to have sex with you. Dating standards are much higher. Sex is great but at the end of the day I want someone I can smoke weed and watch Hey Arnold with.

Those who think it's purely a looks thing:
tmc_throwaway
-Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type (vastly different interests, beliefs, etc) and it was purely about the physical. If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff.  Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high.
I really don't wanna come off like a misogynist, but I respect a woman more if she doesn't just put out straight away. It's down to trust and I don't think I could trust a girl who would just sleep with me the first time we meet to not do the same with others.
-Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc - all the things my girlfriend is. I love spending time with her, I consider myself lucky to know her, and I trust her. That's the real difference, I guess.

Dresden_skyline

Hot, want to fuck her - hook up.
Hot, want to talk to her, fuck her, do things for her, fuck her, want her to like you, buy her things, fuck her - date.

SixShotSamYou want to sleep with both. You only want to wake up next to one.
SAHDman Attractive? Hook-up. Attractive, smart, and sane? Dating material

"hot" vs. "beautiful."
McWake (WRITTEN BY A FEMALE)
"Hot" or "hook up" worthy is the girl or guy you see at a bar and you really just want to see them naked. You don't really want to have to talk to them. "Hot" is a bar hook-up, or someone's hot body, or a nudie picture. "Hot," I think, is young and temporary and shallow, but, obviously, it is a pretty good thing to be.
"Beautiful" is the man or woman you see somewhere, and you can't help but think "Woah." You want to have coffee with them or wake up next to them or date them for a year. "Beautiful" is solid and it ages nicely and it is the kind of person you really want to date and get to know.
I think that line between hot and beautiful also usually ends up being the line between hook up and date.


Madonna Whore Complex:

"The seemingly conflicting desires that some (but certainly not all) men have for a woman who is experienced in the bedroom and unashamed of showing sexual prowess ("whore"), but at the same time a woman who is wholesome, clean and nuturing ("madonna"), particularly enough to not be branded a "slut"." (urbandictionary) 

It's apparent that this complex is pretty common now a days and it's very polarizing to woman either i'm a slut or a prude. Yet in reality we are everything and nothing we are just people.

WarPhalange The first one I think about while masturbating. The second one I think about while masturbating, and then feel bad about it.Masturbating to a girl reduces her to a sex object. I don't care if it's just some hot chick I have no feelings for or vice versa. But if it's a girl I'd want to date, that means I care about her on some level and would rather not reduce her to a mere sex object.
KCisTall Hookups I worry about whats going in her mouth and Dating i worry about whats coming out.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T
rosAccosted How much respect I have for her as a person.
Seems harsh, but I honestly only feel that undeniable desire to date a girl who thinks and acts in ways I respect. Her thoughts and opinions on the world, how she carries herself and interacts with other people, and the connection I feel for who she is. Finding a pretty face in a crowd isn't tough, finding one I cant walk away from is.
AKA: A bar star might be a nice fuck, but if she cant hold a good conversation and entertaining time with me, shes not going to get any further than that.

Some men feel that intelligence really is a turn on for them and if the girl is not smart they don't want to do it.
kamikaze_tsunami Eh. Just can't really enjoy it if I know she's a complete idiot.
Phallic Let's face it, if she doesn't have her Ph.D yet she's not worth a bang
NawNaw  And I'm just saying a one night stand hook-up is a form of instant gratification (boiling down the courting process to hours) and that intelligence of a mate is more attributed to a long term benefit in a relationship and would be rendered inert if said relationship is less than 24 hours.
angusthebull I want to respect the girl I'm fucking, even on a one night stand.
notthegolfer Oh I'll respect her. That's why I leave quietly. (Douche comment but kinda hilarious)

We all know I think language is sexy but in case you forgot: Words Are Sexy Blog

Some men like to use their intelligence to answer the question:
ShabbySheik
Girl I'd hook up with (I believe I could explain it better with a simple equation.)
(X x 1) + 3 + (A + Y / 2) = Z
X = The girl's level of attractiveness on a scale of 1-10 (Note: A girl can be a zero, as in no attraction whatsoever. In this case, there is no possibility of me sleeping with her.)
Y = The number of months it's been since I've had sex
Z = If Z >= 10 I'm probably willing to sleep with her

Some men weigh the pros and cons:
(This is my overall favorite for most logical, thought-out, and honest response)

BaseballGuyCAA

The best analogy I can think of is the difference between an enlisted member of the Navy and a Navy SEAL. As men, we have two very distinct sets of standards. Generally speaking, the "hookup" standard is anywhere from a tick to a massive chasm lower than the "dating" standard. Want my cock tonight? If you're reasonably attractive, not a total bore/annoyance, and interested, you can make it happen. It's no commitment, so there's no need to delve too deeply into it. Many, many girls can pass the "hookup" standard.
However, dating means commitment. Dating carries a tremendous opportunity cost for the sexually active single male. You are throwing away an unknown amount of pussy, of unknown quality. It's like telling a game show contestant not to take the mystery box. Experience tells you that the prize inside is going to disappoint, but it'll all be worth it that one time when the box has tickets to Hawaii in it. Similarly, your experience tells you that most drunken random sexual partners will range from "mediocre" to "above average," but the fantasy of going home with the double-jointed gymnast overpowers that.
So if a man can find sexual satisfaction while single, the cost-benefit analysis of a relationship is pretty uneven. In order for the perceived benefits to outweigh the perceived costs, the girl in question needs to be an absolute no-brainer. Meeting the bare-minimum hookup standard isn't good enough. You've got to be a total package. Physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, core values, etc. Sexual compatibility is huge, too.
Just because you meet the hookup standard doesn't necessarily mean you meet the dating standard. It's unfortunate, but true.
The problem is, most women don't operate this way. The gap between "hookup-worthy" and "couple-worthy" is usually a lot smaller. From my experience, if a girl is willing to sleep with you she's at least curious about a possible relationship. If things are going well and you're seeing each other regularly (even if it is only for sex), she takes this as a sign that you want to see her, and things are progressing. Even though there is a better-than-average chance that it's just a sign you want your dick wettened.
          The short version of the above? I'll hook up with just about anyone reasonable. But for me to commit, I have to be able to look myself in the mirror and say "I would have to be absolutely insane to pass on this girl."

        It's taken me over a month to compile this and process my own views enough to form a coherent conclusion. I went on a real date last week one that was planned out, agreed to by both parties, fun and pleasant. No silly business, in the day time, and he paid for my hot chocolate, muffin, and he even brought to the date one of my favorite things, blueberries. There are people who want to date in the traditional sense of the word- it's just taken me over a year to find a single one in this entire city. I think many factors come into each man's personal choice. Level of maturity, I think is a huge one, past encounters and experiences, moving past the the wild college day mentality and growing up a bit, and willingness to be open to something real whether that includes commitment, time, current life focuses etc.The bottom line is there is no one answer each man has their own standard as unique as the person they are.....So sorry ladies you're going to have to figure out each one... there's no golden rule here. Every guy has there own standard for girls that they will date vs girls they just want to hop in bed with. Best of luck deciphering where you fall- the universe knows they don't always make it easy!

Hookup Culture VS Dating

hookup culture:

The era that began in the early 1990s and has since prevailed on college campuses and elsewhere when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of heterosexual liaison.

Example: I'm not interested in any sort of relationship. I just want to enjoy the hookup culture. (Urban Dictionary) 6 people agree

dating:

The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.

Example: Yeah, I've dated her several times. 1st time was flowers, a movie, and a nice dinner. The second time was a fancy dinner and tickets to an event. And on the third date we saw a movie again and, badda-bing-badda-boom, we had sex before the night was through. (Urban Dictionary)

dating 588 people agree

dating 2:

socially acceptable form of prostitution.

Example: I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase. (Urban Dictionary) 1,682 people agree

     To start the definition that I like the least had the most likes dating=prostitution..... Now sure you'll say Shannon but this is data/info from urbandictionary not life. Well let me share.... I was enjoying a nice dinner with a dear friend who I haven't been able to girl chat with for months. We equally had about half a years worth of "guy stories" to share and as these tales unraveled I was so struck. Struck with the feeling that as both attractive, educated, fun women we had nearly identical experiences of be courted and dropped like a bag of trash you throw in a dumpster when you're "done." Even if I didn't have enough self worth and confidence in myself (which I do) here is this knockout blonde sitting across from me telling the same tale.

     We spent a good 3 hours discussing the pros and cons of truth vs seduction and you can read my thoughts mentioned here: Truth VS Seduction Blog. I think ultimately a relationship of the most sincere truth is the only way to go but what if you can't even get that far because you won't put out on date 3 where does that leave you?  Why date 3 ?!?!? all the posts on urban dictionary mention date 3 like it's some magical number society has deemed appropriate. After 3 dates you know someone moderately well so now we won't judge you and call you a slut or whore for having sex. I can say that within minutes of meeting someone I know if i'm into them enough to ever seriously consider sleeping with them but dating someone has become different and not the way people test out if they like each other.

    Let's introduce Barney's from How I Met Your Mother lemon law logic:

Lemon Law Tuesday, November 15, 2005, 11:49am                                     Check it. New thing. The Lemon Law. On a blind date and realize whoever set you up with this uggo is truly not your friend? You're free to go. Walk into a coffee shop and spot a muffin top spilling all over the hottie you've been chatting with online? Walk away, my friend. Eject. Abort. Do not pass Go. The Lemon Law allows you to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. Consider it a hall pass for dating. 

 

       In some ways I would be totally down for that. Your not into me I'm no into you so let's bail no hard feelings and peace out. But instead as Joan from mad men says: "Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate." So I find myself doing the most insane things "just to see" or "make sure" that they do in fact don't actually give 2 fucks about me. Does that put me in the wrong as well- of course but that's my shit. In 2013 there are fewer societal restrictions on going out in comparison to say eras with chaperones and no one ever being in social situations alone with the opposite sex rules. There has to be some middle ground between all out anything goes and the strict stigma related shaming of the past.  

     My friend and I came to no real conclusion that night other then we have no idea why finding someone is so hard. Then today I came across this hilarious gem:  why chivalry is dead from a mans perspective and thought well he makes one solid point. "Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex." this lead to a massive facebook debate both genders battling out their points. 

      It rang true for me and what I had been experiencing but the male's comments opened up my ears that they also don't want to be "used" in the process. My favorite comment being "Sounds like the women don't want to be used as sex objects and the men don't want to be used as meal tickets" now there's some truth. But how can a women define herself when words like this exist: 
Hook Up Bitch:

Hook Up Bitch: a female that men use for sex but is not suitable for serious dating

Example: Stephie ain't my girlfriend; she's my hook up bitch.

Wow so this person is usable like a toy and I would guess most of the time these womaen aren't entering into the situation knowing they are a hook up bitch. I'm all for getting down in a casual away if both parties are aware of that but it seems like more and more one sided. There is this idea of well I can't possibly get someone who will have manners, treat me with respect, and love me so I subtle for what I can get. I've done it my friend was doing it and for what? The hope that one day one unknown time in the future it will be different? better? actually amazing?

       I don't like that every date I've attempted to have in the past 2 months has resulted in a guy sending my dirty pictures of them or bailing last minute. I want to go and meet someone go on an adventure and have an experience. Maybe it will be a blast maybe it will be shitty but it will be REAL not a text message chat or bs -well you can come to my house and "hang out" kind of date. I just want to date like go on real dates places and have fun. Maybe one day in the future I'll want a commitment but now I just want to experience something real and not be someone's hook up bitch or date prostitute. I'm sending a call to everyone let's keep the standard the gold rule: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. Be nice, be kind, and want to give someone a nice experience on a date genuinely and not because there may be some kind of pay off. Or you can just be like this guy.....

  
   

The date that never was

        So throughout my dating years I've been on a fare share of "perfect dates" with only one small glitch- they were not dates. At 19 I planned a whole day of pioneer valley fun- a picnic at the summit house, stroll through  yankee candle, and dinner at the Route 9 diner that was, and still is, my idea of a great day. Trouble is as adorable as it was- it wasn't ... at one point the boy even turned to me as the fake snow fell around us in the Christmas room and said "this could be really romantic." I died- yes adorable, mid western, 6-4", good looking, basketball playing, hunk it could be. It was the best date that never was.

    I could ravish you with other tales the biggest one being a year of my life of perfect dates that never were and they continue to this very day. Then there is a "real date" one in which 2 people have arranged to meet at a particular location and do something. I like dates like this because I like doing fun things but they are also terrifying especially if your just hanging out for the first time. In the realm of online dating this is what you get -planned meeting of strangers. In real life you at least have the one up of knowing if you have chemistry with someone or not.
    Tonight I had one of these real dates planned with a lovely guy i've been conversing with over the past month. At work I was a mess, tired, irritated, and on a deep dark emotional cloud. It was so bad people felt the need to comment. When I pouted about not wanting to go out a counselor asked "what's holding you back?" I wanted to say "I'm afraid it's going to be like 2 weeks ago when I'm left with a sweatshirt of a douchebag who won't return my texts" instead I listed various things on my mind to which she countered "None of which this guy caused".... wow she was right all I needed was a little psychoanalysis to set me right.
      As I locked up the building another counselor said "You deserve to have fun on this date. Relax, stay present, and be exited this could be your future husband." I almost cried. I was overwhelmed with the idea that this man(or any person you meet at any moment) could be the one to share in life's adventures with and this bit of motherly advice struck me to my deepest core- I missed my mother and am curious what her advice would be before this en devour.  For a whole 17 minutes I was brimming with excitement and anticipation. That was until I got the text saying he had to work late etc etc I get it this is Hollywood where media jobs don't just end at 5 and plans mean little more then formulated ideas as opposed to being concrete. We decided to postpone to later at 8. When 8 came and went then 9 -I was more then a little perturbed.
     I finally got a text I can meet you at 11. Now this is one of my rule breakers- no seeing boys after 10 PM unless you plan on sleeping with them because that is the only thing that will come of that. So as I declined of course his response was minimal and I simply thought "add this to the list of dates that never was" it seems to be growing a fair amount in the past few months. It's only further convincing me that this is not my path right now and not where my energy should be. If the universe wanted me to go out tonight something would have happened. Instead I watched 3 more episodes of Orange is the New Black (ps super addicted). Instead of being bitter I'm aiming for 'if it was meant to be it would be' and have settled somewhere between the two. I'm trying to focus on the fact that love is a life long journey not a sprint to some hypothetical finish line. At the end of the day there is one person in my life who I will always love, who will always have my back, and will never cancel- myself.

The Hidden Clues of OKCupid Dating

Let's be honest it's hard to meet people this day in age. We don't have dance halls where the youth get all dolled up and go to the local community center in hopes of getting asked to dance by "the one". We're too scared to date anyone from work for fear of lawsuits or firing. Just saying "the bar scene" elicits an eye roll and deep sigh. So what is left in this modern world- online dating. Either you love it or you hate it- either way I have heard/lived all the pros and cons. In this digital age it only seems like the "natural" progression of courtship. Throughout my search for love in LA I have gotten my fare share on insane messages from men. I keep the most ridiculous because it amuses me as a sort of social experiment I can show my kids one day "Look what mommy put up with before she found daddy." Just kidding many of the messages I received are too raunchy I dare not even post them here let alone young naive eyes. I also doubt I will have kids and this idea of finding "the one" so that leaves me seeking adventures! Learn from my social experiment and note that the italicized responses after the message are my thoughts not my actual responses because let's be honest I didn't respond to most of these- if I did it's in green.

1. Any mention or reference to "fun" is casual sex I really can't pin point an example where this isn't the case. If you look under the what i'm looking for 100% of the time casual sex is listed. This is also the same kind of guy who write under the top 6 things you can't live without 1.Sex     really come on (insert eye roll)
1a-"hang out" 90% of the time also means sex
Message from SuperDuperSex69 Mar 24, 2013 – 11:54pm
hey there, you're hot, want to hang out and have some fun? 
Can we play board games- I love board games they are totally fun!
Message from Hangingout06 Jan 6, 2013 – 12:00pm
One night of fun lol
Only one night- not a whole lifetime?This isn't forever?

 2.  Nothing is subtle in an online dating profile. You describe exactly what you are like, your interests, the type of person you want to be with etc The reality is most people just look at your photos find one common show or interest and say some random thing in a message. The tango of seduction that happens in the realm outside the profile window is a mirage online.
Message from m0nm Apr 25, 2013 – 12:55pm
hello there
You have a striking resemblance to the girl I lost my virginity to. I'm willing to make the same mistake twice, if ya know what im sayin
Ya I think it's actually pretty clear dude but thanks for the compliment (is that a compliment??)...

3. Persistence is not cute-when it's online it's called cyber stalking. It's not real life where someone can "grow on you" over time as you get to know them more and fall for their little quirks. If someone does not respond they are not interested if you REALLY think there could be something amazing there a second message is okay. Realize however you're then playing your dignity against chance but it may work out so take the gamble if you dare. Note in the following example the change of tactic, time span of these messages, and increasing lack of subtlety (see clue 2)
Message from ClarkNY Apr 14, 2013 – 10:45am
You are ravshing!I am intrigued by your profile! very romantic! buy you a cup of joe? clark

Apr 15, 2013 – 9:06am
you are simply ravishing! buy you a cup of joe or a drink?clark
 
May 2, 2013 – 12:57pm
killer profile!! entertaining .. Informative and shoot milk out of my nose hysterical ..
you have me curious.. clark

May 4, 2013 – 12:05pm
nice profile .. Easy on the eyes..
check me out .... Meet tonight ?
After message 2 and looking at my profile like once a day every day I did write "I'm not interested" he responded "why not" one month later he came back-dude do you think I wouldn't realize - he was also much older
The internet is not real life so don't act like it.

4 Don't claim to "know" something about the depth of some one's human soul by reading 4 perfectly edited paragraphs about them also from their own self perspective which is of course glowing.
Message from incububs Feb 11, 2013 – 2:02am
I want to know you. You seem like someone worth knowing. Every day I feel like I’m surrounded by people with hard edges and sour faces but I get the sense that you’re different. Too often people seem to think that they have the answers to everything. Their faces are trapped in permascowls and they can’t be bothered with anything besides their own narcissism. You aren’t like that.
I'm so glad my profile shows you such a deep understanding of who I am... for all you know I could be working a catfish angel and be a man in China with some cute girl from LA's photos....(this is done way more then I care to acknowledge have you seen catfish them people are cra cra)

5. Leading with a negative is never a good idea or your drug use/boozing. Why would you want to show someone your faults/bad attitude/ negativity before even saying hi? Of course I'm from the positive thinking realm of Buddhism but really positive attracts more positive and you want a date right? Here are numerous examples of this starting with a negative....
Message from CallMeBigCountry May 6, 2013 – 11:17pm
So for the fact that no one responds to my messages on here, I am going to save all the cheesy pick up lines and things like that  I am a music artist looking for friends out in the LA/Venice Beach area. I am pretty much the best music artist (link removed)That's a link to my music, check it out, and go through a few, cause I guarantee at least 1 will be awesome to you, I got songs in many different genres If you ever want to just chill and smoke on the beach with the coolest homeless music artist you have ever met, hit me up

Message from DavisAggie
You have really pretty Fun Loving Irish baby blue eyes. In contrast, mine are Soul-sucking joyless adulthood Asian brown. You can probably out drink me too...

Message from mrtnz1 May 31, 2013 – 3:10am
Hi I'm jorge... What do you dislike most about the dating process?

Message from Eskwire11 Jun 23, 2013 – 4:50am
Did u just view my profile and not say hi?? Big mistake lady... Biiiiiig mistake!!

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:36am
are you quoting pretty woman?!? lol

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:38am
Lol nope. But I did like that movie.. So it may have had an effect :) what u doin? I'm confused as to why we aren't dating.. It's a travesty
 That is a pretty women quote so now you're plagiarizing and criticizing me for not messaging you yes that is a winning combo for romance!

So let's recap here first of all everyone likes sex so there is nothing charming about straight up asking for it. The girls who want that kind of "relationship" make it pretty obvious on their profiles. I do appreciate that you are being truthful one guy said to me "I really just want a passionate threesome" which I respected and declined. You want to be original and focus on the awesome things you have that make unique and stand out. Remember NO means NO not let me insult you while sending you 5 more messages. Save the fun of getting to know the person for the actual date and be a gentleman/lady there will be plenty of time in the future to let that dark side out to play!  

Truth VS Seduction

 " I want this music and this dawn and the warmth of your cheek against mine" Rumi

       So I am reading this truly amazing book called if the Buddha dated: Finding love on a spiritual path. The book contains rumi quotes, Buddhist principles, and the concepts of loving kindness mashes it all together and bam your romantic views are changing. The main idea is Truth- Truth to you and what you are feeling and openness to all sides of yourself and the other person. That all sounds pretty frickin stellar to me. However it generally directly clashes with everything we are raised and programmed to believe since birth.
          For the past 2 years I have been on a path of self reliance and independence. I knew I would never be able to be in a strong stable relationship till I knew I could 100% care for myself and live joyously completely alone. "More then anything else, I want myself. I want to live with integrity and truth. I am not going to hide the jewel of who I am, nor will I mask my imperfections" (6). I became financially independent paying all my own bills and found ways to truly love myself when it's just me alone in my room thinking. It was hard work but essential to find my own unique standard that I want for my life.
       The problem then is finding the person who can fit into this life we have created. "Too often, we try to mold people into what we want them to be rather then honoring them as they are" (11). I am so beyond guilty of this- your trying to warp the person which never works... you either love all of someone or you don't really love them at all. Their light and their dark and all the grey in between bits. If you are uniquely you and they are uniquely them and together you uniquely match then everything finds it's harmony. Easy peasy right???
     The opposite of this idea of truth and open communication is mind manipulation and the art of Art of Seduction. The premise being that people fit into categories and you can easily get the result you would like by doing certain key things depending on what the person secretly desires for instance play the Coquette. They "are the grand masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power all of which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels." Wow not only does it explain "the type" it tells you more or less how to do it. 

       Think of Barney's playbook from How I Met Your Mother and you got a pretty good idea of what the book would look like played out in the real world with maybe a little more subtly because after all subtle suggestion is key to a seduction. An innocent example: I was new at my job and I new counselors were suppose to write no show receipts for their clients if they did not show up for their session. Knowing I needed Person A to write one but afraid to demand things on day 1 when he said "I can't believe my client didn't show!" I responded sweetly "isn't there something you need to do when that happens?" I looked over in his direction. "Ya write a receipt" he remarked I smiled "oh, oh! I see what you're doing there sneaky. well aren't you the queen of subtle suggestion." Yes, yes I am.
   The thing about playing little mind games is that there is no "truth" what so ever... except the truth that people are very mailable to being drawn in, persuaded, and seduced in general. Think of any major women in history or any great man and there was someone at their side whispering many ideas into their ears. Ya know what they say-behind every great man there's an ever greater woman and that's because one person in the relationship is always going to be one whose a little bit better as getting what they want. Games games games the book says “Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from others what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry... makes people compete for the attention.”  So manipulation, games, and competition....damn that seems like a lot of work. It does "work" it really can (proof not discussed on the internet) but is that the kind of relationship you really want?
     So what appeals to you more truth or seduction???? Either way I got an amazing book that can lead you down the right path. Personally I'm torn I think one day when there is one person who I can truly trust and open up to and they in turn are willing and ready I will be all about truth. However now in LA when I'm looking for something more fun you may catch me in a small little flirtation that involves a small degree of manipulation- maybe.... i'm not admitting to anything!     ;)

How we define "SINGLE" women

    

  

       So by definition I am a single women. Not married, no kids, and in nothing even close to resembling a fully committed relationship. I date- have my little dalliances and I am totally content with that. A few weeks ago at the motherless daughters group the group leader was going around noting the major life events each of us were currently undergoing that made us particularly vulnerable to missing our moms> She looks at Girl 1 "You're moving across the country" Girl 2 "You're about to have a baby" Girl 3 "You're engaged and planning a wedding" at this point my mind is reeling with what she is going to say about me. Shannon "and you....you (2 second pause) you have your emotions"she stumbles...... it took everything in my power not to laugh out loud in her face.
      Internally I was thinking okaaay sure if I'm not having a kid/getting hitched etc you have no social structure to define me but come on that's all ya got? Here are some things that could of actually described my current major life scenario "You have created a life surviving independently in this crazy city" or "wow you left everything you ever knew to follow your dream" or even "you run a counseling center that sees and helps hundreds of clients." But no I am the girl with emotions... really????
     It always seems like there are 2 camps of people the married one and the "others" which include people who make a choice not to tie the knot but are in committed partnerships, completely unattached people, and casual daters. I however don't like to label anything or anyone I see people as people with complicated lives and relationships. Sometimes this gets me into trouble because labels in turn create certain boundaries. Take away a boyfriend "label" and then you end up in this random undefined dating experience where introducing someone comes out like "and this is my boy space friend not a boyfriend I mean were (3 second pause)... chilling" Awkward smile awkward blush awkward laugh awkward look at the boy and quick look away- all hypothetically of course.
   There are so many ways to describe someone this post directly relates to my feelings on being called pretty- pretty is the new ugly http://shannontcassidy.blogspot.com/2013/03/pretty-is-new-ugly.html. I am more then pretty and single! I understand that the world as a whole needs to categorize people and tries to fit them into little boxes and I have ALWAYS been an outside of the box kinda gal. You can not define me you can only experience me and believe I am one hell of an awesome experience!

Chemistry VS Attraction

So the past few months I have pondering the idea of chemistry vs attraction when it comes to dating. I go back in forth in my head about the difference and similarities and basically what makes you want to date, sleep with, or marry someone. Let's start with some definitions....

at·trac·tion

[uh-trak-shuhn] noun

1. the act, power, or property of attracting.

2.attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement: the subtle attraction of her strange personality.

3.a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices: The main attraction was the after-dinner speaker.

4.a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure; attractive feature: The chief attractions of the evening were the good drinks and witty conversation.

5.Physics. the electric or magnetic force that acts between oppositely charged bodies, tending to draw them together.

 

chem·is·try

[kem-uh-stree] noun, plural chem·is·tries.

1. the science that deals with the composition and properties of substances and various elementary forms of matter. Compare element (  def 2 ) .

2. chemical properties, reactions, phenomena, etc.: the chemistry of carbon.

3.the interaction of one personality with another: The chemistry between him and his boss was all wrong.

4.sympathetic understanding; rapport: the astonishing chemistry between the actors.

5. any or all of the elements that make up something: the chemistry of love. 

 

So by definition from a science perspective attraction is what happens when there is chemistry already present. Can the same apply for dating? 

 

     Let's take actors for example... they are attractive (well most of them) and they essentially get paid to have the kind of personality that draws people into watching them. When you meet said actor in real life would there even be chemistry or just a really strong attraction to them. When I've flirted with hot celebrities over the past 2 (almost 2) years here in LA I become puddy. I say stupid stuff, I smile a lot, and generally my sentences leave something to be desired. I feel attraction and chemistry but who knows that is going on in their head/body/heart! Is that chemistry or just a simple physical attraction?

 

     Let's now do the opposite lets say you have a really great re pore with someone who is your "friend." You laugh, share secrets, and have an amazing time in each others company but one or both parties is not attracted to the other. The chemistry of the relationship is %100 there so why are you not mutually attracted? This is one thing I still can't really wrap my head around because something is there and if it's not "attraction" what is it?

 

UPDATE: * TYPES OF BONDING: *as read in If the Buddha Dated

1. Physical/material

2. Intellect

3. Interests 

4. Values/lifestyle

5. Psychological/emotional

6. Creativity/passion

7. Spirituality

8. Essence

 

Can you really truly have chemistry without attraction or be attracted to someone without having real chemistry going on between the two of you?   

 

    My entire romantic history has in one way or another revolved around this very idea it wasn't until this week have I been able to fully grasp that they can indeed be mutually exclusive. You can really want to sleep with someone who you have 0 chemistry with. You can also have great chemistry that doesn't always have to be a precursor for attraction. It can be, oh trust me, it really can be but one does not always create the other. An example being someone who you get along great with of the sex you are not attracted to- a friendship chemistry.  I've come to realize what I want is the full package I want someone where together we have both. I have people who are strongly in one camp in my mind I toy with this idea of "could we have more of X?." The answer is apparently no we are just what we are. Do I think both chemistry and attraction can grow from nothing to epic- ya I certainly do. The biggest obstacle to attraction and love is indifference. 

     

       Now to go one level deeper if you have chemistry and are attracted to each other and NOTHING happens what is going on then? Is something holding back the relationship from progressing like fear or uncertainty?  I'm still learning to tell the difference between friendship and romantic chemistry. As well as the difference between physical attraction and maybe mental attraction... for me intelligence can give psychical a strong boost, Intelligence=Sexy! I keep reminding myself the world is not black and white- it is many MANY shades of grey. Will I look back and regret any of these encounters when i'm 101???  NO because I have learned something from everybody who has come into my life. Now I just need to find that person where we are equally attracted and the romantic chemistry is unmistakable! 

 

Science words that have a double relationship meeting..... bonds, cohesion,symbiosis, electric, connection, stimulus, and of course chemistry/attraction -did you even learn anything from this blog ?!?!? :)

 

This graphic is really really amusing to me