What a Dick Pic Means to Me

*There are two dick pics in this post- you've been warned         

     To me a dick is just like looking at any other part of the body a knee, left ear lobe, pinkie finger. But Shannon you'll say there is a sexual element to this body part. Suuuure I'll agree to that certain dicks may illicit that kind of response. However when I get woken up by the ding of my phone and see that it's a guy I've been chatting to only to open it and reveal a fully erect penis... I'm not happy- I'm not attracted to it, I don't want to see it , and my personal bubble of safety feels intruded upon. There are scenarios when that might not be the case mostly when I've know a person for a long time and there dick means something to me.

Yep- this is probably the most cliche girl thing I will ever write but only when I have an emotional attachment to the person the dick is attached to is it something I want to see. Call me crazy but random dicks DO NOT TURN ME ON. So now that we've covered my opinion let's discuss why men feel the need to send dick pics- let's hypothesize
A- they think it turns us on
B-they get off on someone seeing it with out the judgment of it being a real encounter
C- that ego
D- asserting a dominating element "you will see this whether you want to or not"
Here's some comments from actual men about this phenomena:
Glamour- Why dudes send dick picks ( In their words)

Funny Story:
I give a guy my number (in reality I accidentally give him my sister's number I end in 42 she ends in 43). Side note: my sister and I have done this at least 4 times now we never mean to but it always turns out pretty funny. I get a text "Hey, I just text you sister glad I didn't open with a dick pic." I wrote back something like "haha good thing you didn't" to which he responded "so.....no dick pic then?" It was hilarious when I thought he was playing on the stupidity of this absurd trend but it was annoying as fuck when I realized he really meant it.

The Burning Question on my Mind:
When did this all start like approximately circa 2007 maybe ?!?! I got my first at 19 and it was shocking then like I was blown away - now it seems common place. It's so common place in fact this girl a self proclaimed "dick critic" wrote an article about how to take a good one... which I appreciate because number 10 is this (which should be number one) "Make sure you’re meeting bare minimum standards of human decency by only sending dick pics to people who’ve consented to see them." 10-dos-donts-of-dick-pics If you feel brave (I really mean that) you can see her critiquemydickpic.tumblr where she grades and critiques submissions all with senders full permission so "nothing untoward" about that minus a lot a lot of penis.  This one I just have to share from a man about to go to jail..... I laughed out loud for a solid minute

I also chuckled when I changed the "format size" from medium to extra large to make the text and picture more readable- S.C

 On a personal note this tumblr made me realize all my sexual encounters have had really nice dicks something I didn't know I should be grateful for until viewing this account. Momentary pause to hope none of them are reading this and the sigh of relief realizing none of them ever will. But if this blog does find any of you pat yourself on the back you're dick was great.

Another example:
Aziz Ansari in his comedy special does a funny bit on the commonality of the trend.
Another big chunk of Buried Alive is about the strangeness of dick pics. Why did you choose to make it such a sizable segment in the special?
I was just talking about how dumb guys are nowadays, and the idea that people are sending dick pics – it's so crazy to me. When I started asking audiences, "Clap if you're a single woman and a guy sent you a dick pic," I was very surprised. What percentage would you think would get a dick pic? I would guess 40 percent. But it seemed like every city I went to, it was at least 80 percent. And that was startling, that such a high percentage of them had something that absurd happen to them. It seems like such a dumb thing. I say this in the special, but I just don't understand the logic behind it. A dick is a very dumb-looking, boring thing. Excerpt for Village Voice

This is real life:
Do you really think I could write an article and not include a photo?!? This is THE BEST/WORST dick pic I've ever received and the count is probably near 20 at this point. I believe this man called it "mighty cock" or some such heroic name really the possibilities are endless.

Imagining opening up your phone and seeing this... what is your reaction?!? In memory serves me my mouth fell opened then I looked away then I laughed then I looked again to make sure it was really indeed a girl action figure toy on his cock and then I was over it. Sure, because I'm brilliant at that kind if thing, I could have said something witty/sexy in return but the bottom line is there is nothing really sexy about that!

Consent first send second:
What I want to get back to is the UNSOLICITED element of this. If you're in a sexting scenario or a partnership fine by all means divulged in a little fun play when it's open welcome and consented upon. By sending someone out of the blue/randomly/ or as an opener after getting their number it is NOT OKAY! It's sexual harassment plain and simple and yet it goes so wildly unpunished and continues to run rampant I dare say world wide, even though I have no proof of this. Do we let this just keep going on spiraling more and more out of control till we fear every ding of our phones?!? I feel I shouldn't have to be afraid to give out my number or be blamed for giving it out and then in turn getting these photos.

Check out Elite Daily's Video:

Final thoughts:
I just... can't... really I can't. I am all for a mutual expression of sexuality in creative ways when both adults consent to it. I am not for being exposed to sexuality illicit materials when I'm not expecting it or seeking it out even in non dating contexts. You have no right to affront me with that shit and I would never do that to someone else. What offends one person may not another and that really is not a risk I think anyone would want to take in this world of lawsuits but with the decline of common decency that seems to have become void. I think intimate things should be shared with those who you can trust intimately if not it does not belong on my iphone. I'm wrapping this up with one last picture

(eye roll) This is too common for any one's good!

Hookup Culture VS Dating

hookup culture:

The era that began in the early 1990s and has since prevailed on college campuses and elsewhere when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of heterosexual liaison.

Example: I'm not interested in any sort of relationship. I just want to enjoy the hookup culture. (Urban Dictionary) 6 people agree

dating:

The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.

Example: Yeah, I've dated her several times. 1st time was flowers, a movie, and a nice dinner. The second time was a fancy dinner and tickets to an event. And on the third date we saw a movie again and, badda-bing-badda-boom, we had sex before the night was through. (Urban Dictionary)

dating 588 people agree

dating 2:

socially acceptable form of prostitution.

Example: I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase. (Urban Dictionary) 1,682 people agree

     To start the definition that I like the least had the most likes dating=prostitution..... Now sure you'll say Shannon but this is data/info from urbandictionary not life. Well let me share.... I was enjoying a nice dinner with a dear friend who I haven't been able to girl chat with for months. We equally had about half a years worth of "guy stories" to share and as these tales unraveled I was so struck. Struck with the feeling that as both attractive, educated, fun women we had nearly identical experiences of be courted and dropped like a bag of trash you throw in a dumpster when you're "done." Even if I didn't have enough self worth and confidence in myself (which I do) here is this knockout blonde sitting across from me telling the same tale.

     We spent a good 3 hours discussing the pros and cons of truth vs seduction and you can read my thoughts mentioned here: Truth VS Seduction Blog. I think ultimately a relationship of the most sincere truth is the only way to go but what if you can't even get that far because you won't put out on date 3 where does that leave you?  Why date 3 ?!?!? all the posts on urban dictionary mention date 3 like it's some magical number society has deemed appropriate. After 3 dates you know someone moderately well so now we won't judge you and call you a slut or whore for having sex. I can say that within minutes of meeting someone I know if i'm into them enough to ever seriously consider sleeping with them but dating someone has become different and not the way people test out if they like each other.

    Let's introduce Barney's from How I Met Your Mother lemon law logic:

Lemon Law Tuesday, November 15, 2005, 11:49am                                     Check it. New thing. The Lemon Law. On a blind date and realize whoever set you up with this uggo is truly not your friend? You're free to go. Walk into a coffee shop and spot a muffin top spilling all over the hottie you've been chatting with online? Walk away, my friend. Eject. Abort. Do not pass Go. The Lemon Law allows you to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. Consider it a hall pass for dating. 

 

       In some ways I would be totally down for that. Your not into me I'm no into you so let's bail no hard feelings and peace out. But instead as Joan from mad men says: "Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate." So I find myself doing the most insane things "just to see" or "make sure" that they do in fact don't actually give 2 fucks about me. Does that put me in the wrong as well- of course but that's my shit. In 2013 there are fewer societal restrictions on going out in comparison to say eras with chaperones and no one ever being in social situations alone with the opposite sex rules. There has to be some middle ground between all out anything goes and the strict stigma related shaming of the past.  

     My friend and I came to no real conclusion that night other then we have no idea why finding someone is so hard. Then today I came across this hilarious gem:  why chivalry is dead from a mans perspective and thought well he makes one solid point. "Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex." this lead to a massive facebook debate both genders battling out their points. 

      It rang true for me and what I had been experiencing but the male's comments opened up my ears that they also don't want to be "used" in the process. My favorite comment being "Sounds like the women don't want to be used as sex objects and the men don't want to be used as meal tickets" now there's some truth. But how can a women define herself when words like this exist: 
Hook Up Bitch:

Hook Up Bitch: a female that men use for sex but is not suitable for serious dating

Example: Stephie ain't my girlfriend; she's my hook up bitch.

Wow so this person is usable like a toy and I would guess most of the time these womaen aren't entering into the situation knowing they are a hook up bitch. I'm all for getting down in a casual away if both parties are aware of that but it seems like more and more one sided. There is this idea of well I can't possibly get someone who will have manners, treat me with respect, and love me so I subtle for what I can get. I've done it my friend was doing it and for what? The hope that one day one unknown time in the future it will be different? better? actually amazing?

       I don't like that every date I've attempted to have in the past 2 months has resulted in a guy sending my dirty pictures of them or bailing last minute. I want to go and meet someone go on an adventure and have an experience. Maybe it will be a blast maybe it will be shitty but it will be REAL not a text message chat or bs -well you can come to my house and "hang out" kind of date. I just want to date like go on real dates places and have fun. Maybe one day in the future I'll want a commitment but now I just want to experience something real and not be someone's hook up bitch or date prostitute. I'm sending a call to everyone let's keep the standard the gold rule: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. Be nice, be kind, and want to give someone a nice experience on a date genuinely and not because there may be some kind of pay off. Or you can just be like this guy.....

  
   

Did you get married ?!?!

      I have one really nice ring that does indeed look like it could be an engagement ring. I absolutely adore it. When I was in high school I really wanted a traditional class ring- always so nostalgic. My cousin even had a ring dance where they were given out with flourish. My Dad however said he wanted to buy me a "real" ring one that I would actually want to wear 10 years after high school. At the time I kind of pouted till we were on a cruise going to a "special dealer" a friend of a friend knew or something (my father always has a friend of a friend for everything- even apparently jewelers in St Martin). The waiting throughout the trip was anguish because we went by many a fine shop but when we finally did it was worth it. They sat me in a high chair and served us Mimosas. They would bring out a tray and I would say I like this cut, this design etc. the shop owner said he had "just the thing- bold and romantic" and boy was he right. I never loved a piece of Jewelry that much and I still don't have anything that come close to measuring up.

        The stone is called Tanzanite a rare gem that is only mined in Tanzania and not found anywhere else in the world and it's surrounded by diamonds it could indeed be an engagement ring. I wore it the rest of high school and into college and never once was questioned about it. When I came to LA I started getting bothered by it being on my right hand - it would hit the jewelry counters at work, get caught when putting out the scarfs etc. It was worse at my desk job constantly brushing the calender, dirty money, and getting caught in the phone cord. So I made a decision to start wearing it on my left hand and that's when all the questions happened. At least once a day when I would wear it someone would say "Are you engaged?" complete strangers asking- even people know know me "Did you get married" ( like what secretly over the weekend in Vegas?). As an unmarried women I found this annoying- no I'm not engaged- no I didn't get married- yes I realize it's on the left hand- I do understand that "means" i'm married etc. So then when people asked I started saying " I'm protesting the symbolism of the left hand meaning you must be married" I just want to wear it on that finger on that hand!
   One of the counselors asked "why are you wearing on the left hand guys aren't going to know your single and they won't ask you out" I said "Good I like wording off stupid people like that." Then just the other day "ya know wearing a ring on that finger implies you're married"- who does not know that?!?!? here's a brief history on how everyone does indeed know that

"Before medical science discovered how the circulatory system functioned, people believed that a vein of blood ran directly from the fourth finger on the left hand to the heart. (This belief allegedly dates to the 3rd century BC in Greece.) Because of the hand-heart connection, people named the putative vein descriptively vena amori, Latin for 'the vein of love'. Due to this tradition, it became accepted to wear the wedding ring on this finger. By wearing rings on the fourth finger of their left hands, a married couple symbolically declares their eternal love for each other. This has now become a matter of tradition and etiquette.

In most Western cultures, the wedding ring is worn on the left hand. In some countries, however, such as Germany, Norway, and Chile, it is worn on the right hand. Orthodox Christians, Eastern Europeans and Jews also traditionally wear the wedding band on the right hand.
Etiquette frowns severely on the making of sexual overtures to a man or woman wearing a wedding ring."

       So no I'm not married and I do not plan on wearing this ring on any other finger because it's sized for my ring finger and it's annoying to wear on my right hand- the end.  The point of the post is not to bitch about this recent social norm that been appearing in my life but to bring awareness to the fact that we as human do things that are suppose to "mean something." However most of the time it's something we as humans have constructed ourselves. There is no set reason as to how to wear a ring but societal norms have dictated it to be that way. I think it's important to remember that not everything has be the way society tells us it should be. We all have our own minds and it's important to consider what is important for each of us in our own lives.

My Male Broke Feminist

I read this article first: 101 Everyday Ways For Men to be Allies
which is not super great because it is extremely repetitive the same ideas in different words but it helped me realize some of things that have been bothering me recently.
These are the key ones that really stuck out to me as a woman:
1. Recognize your privileges, especially your male privilege (and white privilege if applicable)
8. Be aware of how you flirt with a woman.
10. If you’re going to be chivalrous (on dates) or in everyday life, do it for everyone out of kindness, not just for women or people you think aren’t capable of doing things themselves. 
20. Ask for consent, always. 
29. Challenge everyday sexism in your life. 
37. Support musicians and artists that do not degrade women in their music and lyrics. 
44. Don’t be the hero, savior, or knight in shining armor
47. Work with your partner or spouse on how to mutually share responsibilities.
48. Men aren’t the only ones who have orgasms. Remember that!!! 
49. Don’t judge women by their choice of clothing. 
60. Don’t assume she will take your last name if you both agree to marry. 
63. Defy traditional male stereotypes.
                                              AND MY NUMBER 1 FAVORITE:
31. Stop telling her you’re “different than other guys.” Don’t speak. Do.

   
       I have been struggling across the board with the idea of privileged (specifically gender and wealth) over the past 2 years. Let me start by saying this is in NO WAY a pity post but more of a privilege expose on how it directly effects my life. LA is rampant with uber wealthy and people who literally just throw money away. You do not need 20 pairs of sunglasses all $300+ for you collection  (true story a woman at the store had a "collection"). It's no secret I have epically struggled with money since moving here because I pay for everything on my own rent, student loans, bills, gas, food the only thing shared it utilities and internet the rest is all me. If you have a partner you can split a good chunk of bills in half or if you still live with your family. I see everyday the benefits of these different lifestyles and I include myself in that as well because we may not have severe issues like clean water such as they have in a 3rd world countries.
        One thing I'm angry about is it that your version of "broke" means you can't buy X at the store or go to Y again this month. For me "broke" means eating roman for an entire week or never having left the county of LA not because I'm not dying to go to Vegas/San Diego/San Fran/Wine Country but because even gas costs something. It is not the same thing if you can come home and someone (partner/family etc) will feed you and there will be a roof over your head -there is no comparison. There is no safety net or guarantee for some people so right there PRIVILEGE. I'm also aware of the ways I am privileged for instance I have family who would be able to help me in emergencies. On Orange is the New Black when Taystee gets out of prison she has no family, friends, or money so she eventually, on purpose, gets herself put back in. There is no back up there is no plan B. I am so lucky to have choices and I accept how my choice has put me into the position I am in- I think that is called being an adult.
        A few months ago there was incident at work where an older male client gave me a ring and then due to policy (created because of this incident) I had to give it back. As I expressed my various feelings and concerns I had 2 very different general responses. From men they were basically "what did you do to make him do that?" "why do you think he'll do anything "bad" (stalk me, get angry, call me all the time)?" and "it's not a "big deal." From women the response I got was "Are you ok giving it back? Do you want me to be there?" "Would you want to see him or was it totally weird and unsolicited?"  I felt extremely "blame it on the victim" like and completely unsupported.
    I didn't know why I was having such an intense reaction to the situation back then and it isn't until now when I read this article about men being feminist allies did it click into place MALE PRIVILEGE. I was crying when one male counselor said to me "Would it make you feel better if I was there when you returned the ring" I was sooooo grateful because it did make me feel immensely better that this person would support me in something that he saw was challenging when another male straight up intentionally walked away at the same moment because he (who had literally nothing to do with it other then being my "friend") couldn't handle the awkwardness/pressure. When I asked gentleman A later on why he though to offer his support he said from a domestic violence perspective (he runs our DV program) "you as the front desk person are the most vulnerable" (meaning we are stationary, have set hours, and can be easily found/stalked/watched). I knew he was right because that was the same feeling I had and regardless of how "unlikely" or "unwarranted" it may seem. That fear is inherent as part of the social structure, gender roles, and general bs that I as a women feel ( I am only speaking for myself alone).
    Now let's fast forward to the present day when in the past month on various fronts have I been directly impacted by both wealth and gender privilege. I've been meaning to write about it for quite some time since it is very much on my mind. Of course in this world these things exist and really it seems like nothing can be done because they are so ingrained in our social life pulse. However the number one thing that can be done about any stereotype or privilege is awareness %110. You can't know when you are doing something wrong unless you educate yourself on what it means to be othered etc. The most important things we have are our words and actions. We must speak carefully, wisely, and from a place of love. We must act from a place of integrity, honesty, and openness.
   So you're probably asking what does all of that have to do with the title of the piece My Male Broke Feminist...... well on to that topic.... let's recap first
1) Privilege and Stereotypes exist in our current society
2) Only you can make smart, educated, thoughtful choices for your own existence and in turn betterment of the whole
AND THAT BRINGS US TO 3
3) Surround yourself with people who are standing up for the same

     I want to be around people who are active in being the best kind of people they can be. That's a huge reason why I choose to join my particular Buddhist organization. There are certain things romantically that are %100 deal breakers for me like not being a equal rights ally, being racist, being  elitist and not being a person who can speak from their heart. Today I realized I think a good man for me would be someone who knows what it's like to struggle (that's the broke part) and someone who can truly decide in their heart that equality among the sexes is important (feminist). During my last college class the TA was telling me about how her husband was a feminist and things he did rallies, talking to his friends, standing up for women etc and I was so amazed that a man like that existed. This idea is very important to me because not only do I believe in it but I want to be with someone who does as well. The hardships in life are there because they help us see the joy and the beauty. I'm willing to make a stand to educate myself, be an equal rights ally, and always be open to every individuals story and struggle. Will you do the same?

Pruning Privilege
Cute Cartoon About this Concept 

The date that never was

        So throughout my dating years I've been on a fare share of "perfect dates" with only one small glitch- they were not dates. At 19 I planned a whole day of pioneer valley fun- a picnic at the summit house, stroll through  yankee candle, and dinner at the Route 9 diner that was, and still is, my idea of a great day. Trouble is as adorable as it was- it wasn't ... at one point the boy even turned to me as the fake snow fell around us in the Christmas room and said "this could be really romantic." I died- yes adorable, mid western, 6-4", good looking, basketball playing, hunk it could be. It was the best date that never was.

    I could ravish you with other tales the biggest one being a year of my life of perfect dates that never were and they continue to this very day. Then there is a "real date" one in which 2 people have arranged to meet at a particular location and do something. I like dates like this because I like doing fun things but they are also terrifying especially if your just hanging out for the first time. In the realm of online dating this is what you get -planned meeting of strangers. In real life you at least have the one up of knowing if you have chemistry with someone or not.
    Tonight I had one of these real dates planned with a lovely guy i've been conversing with over the past month. At work I was a mess, tired, irritated, and on a deep dark emotional cloud. It was so bad people felt the need to comment. When I pouted about not wanting to go out a counselor asked "what's holding you back?" I wanted to say "I'm afraid it's going to be like 2 weeks ago when I'm left with a sweatshirt of a douchebag who won't return my texts" instead I listed various things on my mind to which she countered "None of which this guy caused".... wow she was right all I needed was a little psychoanalysis to set me right.
      As I locked up the building another counselor said "You deserve to have fun on this date. Relax, stay present, and be exited this could be your future husband." I almost cried. I was overwhelmed with the idea that this man(or any person you meet at any moment) could be the one to share in life's adventures with and this bit of motherly advice struck me to my deepest core- I missed my mother and am curious what her advice would be before this en devour.  For a whole 17 minutes I was brimming with excitement and anticipation. That was until I got the text saying he had to work late etc etc I get it this is Hollywood where media jobs don't just end at 5 and plans mean little more then formulated ideas as opposed to being concrete. We decided to postpone to later at 8. When 8 came and went then 9 -I was more then a little perturbed.
     I finally got a text I can meet you at 11. Now this is one of my rule breakers- no seeing boys after 10 PM unless you plan on sleeping with them because that is the only thing that will come of that. So as I declined of course his response was minimal and I simply thought "add this to the list of dates that never was" it seems to be growing a fair amount in the past few months. It's only further convincing me that this is not my path right now and not where my energy should be. If the universe wanted me to go out tonight something would have happened. Instead I watched 3 more episodes of Orange is the New Black (ps super addicted). Instead of being bitter I'm aiming for 'if it was meant to be it would be' and have settled somewhere between the two. I'm trying to focus on the fact that love is a life long journey not a sprint to some hypothetical finish line. At the end of the day there is one person in my life who I will always love, who will always have my back, and will never cancel- myself.

The Hidden Clues of OKCupid Dating

Let's be honest it's hard to meet people this day in age. We don't have dance halls where the youth get all dolled up and go to the local community center in hopes of getting asked to dance by "the one". We're too scared to date anyone from work for fear of lawsuits or firing. Just saying "the bar scene" elicits an eye roll and deep sigh. So what is left in this modern world- online dating. Either you love it or you hate it- either way I have heard/lived all the pros and cons. In this digital age it only seems like the "natural" progression of courtship. Throughout my search for love in LA I have gotten my fare share on insane messages from men. I keep the most ridiculous because it amuses me as a sort of social experiment I can show my kids one day "Look what mommy put up with before she found daddy." Just kidding many of the messages I received are too raunchy I dare not even post them here let alone young naive eyes. I also doubt I will have kids and this idea of finding "the one" so that leaves me seeking adventures! Learn from my social experiment and note that the italicized responses after the message are my thoughts not my actual responses because let's be honest I didn't respond to most of these- if I did it's in green.

1. Any mention or reference to "fun" is casual sex I really can't pin point an example where this isn't the case. If you look under the what i'm looking for 100% of the time casual sex is listed. This is also the same kind of guy who write under the top 6 things you can't live without 1.Sex     really come on (insert eye roll)
1a-"hang out" 90% of the time also means sex
Message from SuperDuperSex69 Mar 24, 2013 – 11:54pm
hey there, you're hot, want to hang out and have some fun? 
Can we play board games- I love board games they are totally fun!
Message from Hangingout06 Jan 6, 2013 – 12:00pm
One night of fun lol
Only one night- not a whole lifetime?This isn't forever?

 2.  Nothing is subtle in an online dating profile. You describe exactly what you are like, your interests, the type of person you want to be with etc The reality is most people just look at your photos find one common show or interest and say some random thing in a message. The tango of seduction that happens in the realm outside the profile window is a mirage online.
Message from m0nm Apr 25, 2013 – 12:55pm
hello there
You have a striking resemblance to the girl I lost my virginity to. I'm willing to make the same mistake twice, if ya know what im sayin
Ya I think it's actually pretty clear dude but thanks for the compliment (is that a compliment??)...

3. Persistence is not cute-when it's online it's called cyber stalking. It's not real life where someone can "grow on you" over time as you get to know them more and fall for their little quirks. If someone does not respond they are not interested if you REALLY think there could be something amazing there a second message is okay. Realize however you're then playing your dignity against chance but it may work out so take the gamble if you dare. Note in the following example the change of tactic, time span of these messages, and increasing lack of subtlety (see clue 2)
Message from ClarkNY Apr 14, 2013 – 10:45am
You are ravshing!I am intrigued by your profile! very romantic! buy you a cup of joe? clark

Apr 15, 2013 – 9:06am
you are simply ravishing! buy you a cup of joe or a drink?clark
 
May 2, 2013 – 12:57pm
killer profile!! entertaining .. Informative and shoot milk out of my nose hysterical ..
you have me curious.. clark

May 4, 2013 – 12:05pm
nice profile .. Easy on the eyes..
check me out .... Meet tonight ?
After message 2 and looking at my profile like once a day every day I did write "I'm not interested" he responded "why not" one month later he came back-dude do you think I wouldn't realize - he was also much older
The internet is not real life so don't act like it.

4 Don't claim to "know" something about the depth of some one's human soul by reading 4 perfectly edited paragraphs about them also from their own self perspective which is of course glowing.
Message from incububs Feb 11, 2013 – 2:02am
I want to know you. You seem like someone worth knowing. Every day I feel like I’m surrounded by people with hard edges and sour faces but I get the sense that you’re different. Too often people seem to think that they have the answers to everything. Their faces are trapped in permascowls and they can’t be bothered with anything besides their own narcissism. You aren’t like that.
I'm so glad my profile shows you such a deep understanding of who I am... for all you know I could be working a catfish angel and be a man in China with some cute girl from LA's photos....(this is done way more then I care to acknowledge have you seen catfish them people are cra cra)

5. Leading with a negative is never a good idea or your drug use/boozing. Why would you want to show someone your faults/bad attitude/ negativity before even saying hi? Of course I'm from the positive thinking realm of Buddhism but really positive attracts more positive and you want a date right? Here are numerous examples of this starting with a negative....
Message from CallMeBigCountry May 6, 2013 – 11:17pm
So for the fact that no one responds to my messages on here, I am going to save all the cheesy pick up lines and things like that  I am a music artist looking for friends out in the LA/Venice Beach area. I am pretty much the best music artist (link removed)That's a link to my music, check it out, and go through a few, cause I guarantee at least 1 will be awesome to you, I got songs in many different genres If you ever want to just chill and smoke on the beach with the coolest homeless music artist you have ever met, hit me up

Message from DavisAggie
You have really pretty Fun Loving Irish baby blue eyes. In contrast, mine are Soul-sucking joyless adulthood Asian brown. You can probably out drink me too...

Message from mrtnz1 May 31, 2013 – 3:10am
Hi I'm jorge... What do you dislike most about the dating process?

Message from Eskwire11 Jun 23, 2013 – 4:50am
Did u just view my profile and not say hi?? Big mistake lady... Biiiiiig mistake!!

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:36am
are you quoting pretty woman?!? lol

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:38am
Lol nope. But I did like that movie.. So it may have had an effect :) what u doin? I'm confused as to why we aren't dating.. It's a travesty
 That is a pretty women quote so now you're plagiarizing and criticizing me for not messaging you yes that is a winning combo for romance!

So let's recap here first of all everyone likes sex so there is nothing charming about straight up asking for it. The girls who want that kind of "relationship" make it pretty obvious on their profiles. I do appreciate that you are being truthful one guy said to me "I really just want a passionate threesome" which I respected and declined. You want to be original and focus on the awesome things you have that make unique and stand out. Remember NO means NO not let me insult you while sending you 5 more messages. Save the fun of getting to know the person for the actual date and be a gentleman/lady there will be plenty of time in the future to let that dark side out to play!  

Pretty is the New Ugly

pret·ty

[prit-ee] Show IPA adjective, pret·ti·er, pret·ti·est, noun, plural pret·ties, adverb, verb, pret·tied, pret·ty·ing.adjective

1.pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness: a pretty face.

        So in the past few weeks I have developed a strong disdain to being called "pretty" and "sweet." Why wouldn't you want to be called two very complimentray adjectives you may ask? The thing about it implies that this how i'm defining you as that one thing. I feel like I am a dynamic complex person with numerous facets to my personality. In different enviornments and with different people my idenity seems to chameleonize. 

       On Friday I got to see one of my east coast friends who I have not seen in about 2 years. He knows me in a way west coast people probably haven't seen yet. For a whole 5 minutes I felt like I was just me again the Shannon who is so loveable and happy, everyone wants to be her friend. In LA I have become fiercely independent, strong willed, and use to being alone. Some of that carefree nature and hippesque lack of abandon had been replaced with a fighting need for survival. It's different when the only thing you have to fall back on is your own self. 

       At my job I feel like there is a version of me that's teetering between professional adult and my innate nature to socialize and be friends. I dress a certain way, act a certain way, and even become a certain way when I am there. Of course we all act more professional at work and cut loose when were off but it's almost more then that. I struggle to identify myself as I grow into adulthood and yet I still want to incorporate the traits that make me unique and one of a kind. Pretty in not unique and sweet will probably always be the number one additive others use to describe me.  

       Calling someone pretty one day also implies that they didn't look pretty the day before. They're not saying wow the way you put that outfit together is so stylish or your accessories are so one of a kind. I get "pretty" often and it is sweet if I never got complimented I would probably be devastated. However when you interact with dozens of people a day who say the same exact thing to you it gets numbing. Outwardly I accept every remark gracifully and with smile inwardly i'm rolling my eyes and pouting. Pretty and sweet are also both degrading as a women who wants to be complimented on her job performance and character.

      I want to be seen as someone who is strong, loyal, courageous, independent, trustworthy, vivacious, and intriguing. I am someone who is transitioning into adulthood the only way I know how- trial and error. I'm finding my way in the more adult world and this city that continues to push me to my limits in every way. I challenge you tomorrow to go to one coworker and say something genuinely nice to them a compliment that is sincere and individualized for that person. Even thought my pretty is the new ugly for someone that might be something they never been called. Every human in unique so find out what makes you - YOU and never let it go ~S~

This chic totally agrees with me and waxes poetic about it http://www.upworthy.com/this-womans-beef-with-prettiness-will-leave-you-speechless?c=ufb4
  
A Fab article on a similar note Lena Dunham style: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/03/14/lena_dunham_playboy_interview_dunham_doesn_t_want_the_body_of_a_victoria.html

Just in case you needed any more "proof" http://hellogiggles.com/why-being-called-pretty-sometimes-gets-ugly 

  

My 5 Biggest Turn Offs

1) Making fun of my beliefs -whether that be my vegetarianism or that I'm a Buddhist. I don't tease you about eating flesh so why is it okay to say to me "you're a vegetarian, are you insane?" a direct quote from a guy I met last week. We were having a perfectly lovely conversation and geeking out over Doctor Who then that comment= lame. I also don't care if you believe in God but I don't... I respect all religions please respect mine.

2) Don't be a wuss- I've said it before and I'll say it again "I want a man not a boy who thinks he can." I think most women want that. If you can't stand up for what you believe in, can't follow your dream, or can't be honest- then I don't think we would make good life partners.

3) You can't handle tears- My emotions are my biggest strength and my Achilles heal. I cry often and not always because i'm sad. If tears scare you or you never cry yourself then you would be sick of me in .02 seconds=fact

4) You can't say "I Love You" even to a friend- I say I love you to anyone I really care about because I believe it's important and to many people don't ever know how loved they really are. You may not even know how much you care for someone until they're gone. It's important to be able to recognize your emotions and express them. I get it you're a guy that's not really your forte but refer to #2 and carry on.

5) You can't respect women's rights- here's the deal I believe women's bodies are our to decide what to do with. Why a man gets any say in what I wear, how I get my birth control, or how I live my life is beyond me.There was such much political hoopla in this past election about women's rights and I felt it was the 50's again. Come on people lets roll with the times women are powerful lets acknowledge this and move on! So if you have a feminist streak that's good with me, if you have ever said "if you want to be happy the rest of your life you've gotta make an ugly women your wife" and meant it... we're done.

This list is for entertainment purposes only and should in no way actually be used to determine if you would turn me on or off.

Selfishness VS Survival

This is what most people think. I think: what can I do to get my needs met?

I would like to pose a a question: when one is in survival mode are you really being selfish or just doing what is necessary to survive? I like many women have spent a good chunk of my time taking care of others and not always myself. I spent an entire year dedicating all my energy to a little amazing girl as her teacher, friend, and advocate. She really loved me unconditionally in a way that was so pure and truthful. She never asked me to devote myself in that way just like kids don't ask parents to give up their wishes in order to get what they want, a trip to Disney vs a trip to Europe for instance. When I was driving to LA I had A LOT of time to think... when your alone in a car with just your thoughts for 8 hours you learn things. One thought that came to mind was that at some point I knew people would feel I left them. For me it was never a question of coming or not coming here it was just a matter of when, I had decided that when I was 16. I haven't been the best supporter of friends since I've been here I actually feel like maybe I have cut people off. I didn't intend any malice but it's just that I only have so much energy and I need to devote that to succeeding and living here. Since everyday is a constant battle to come out the other side alive and well it leaves no time to focus on anything petty. Yes that is a selfish statement but it also is somewhat about self preservation.
S Size Up The Situation (surroundings, physical condition, equipment, & supplies)
U  Use All Your Sensuous, undue haste makes waste
R  Remember Where You Are
V Vanquish Your Fear and Panic
I   Improvise 
V  Value Living
A  Act Like The Natives
L  Live By Your Wits, But For Now, Learn Basic Skills
I am a humanitarian through and through last month I joined a group solely dedicated to being of service to others so I am in no way advocating egocentricity. However I do believe your 20's is about finding out who you are and what is your purpose on this planet. I believe and have always believed that my purpose is to inspire and engage others through my acting. Whenever someone said "oh don't you want a backup plan?" or "do you know most actors are penniless?" it never swayed me in the least. Sure in 10 years from now I may have changed my mind about the whole thing but for now there is nothing that could persuade me to stop trying to be a film actress. I knew the price would come with many sacrifices- missing holidays, major life events, and even the everyday small things amongst close friends. I am trying to find a balance between selfishness and survival and I'm chanting to find that equilibrium.

Giving Them What They Want VS What You Want to Give Them

So one of the few perks of my job is seeing people do what they do best...be people. I once had a conversation with a good friend about gift giving. Usually there is a disconnect in what you want to give the person vs what they actually want. He brought this concept up to me after one Christmas and I never really saw it's power until now. For instance I see this at least once a week in watches. A man comes in to buy a watch he says "I want her to have this one but I know she'd like this better.....I'll go with the first one" It never fails they almost always pick the one they want to give even when they know it's not the one the recipient will prefer!!!! It's crazy lol A man literally said to me "She likes plain simple things never wears any bling but I want to give her a bling watch because she deserves something pretty."Although that was a cute sentiment it's just going to upset the receiver because now she feels obliged to love it. Except when the L(lover) factor comes into play.This is how the L factor enters into the equation: They will like the item more because they really like the person who gave it to them. Now I have heard this as well "it's not really my style but my boyfriend picked it out and it was so thoughtful so I love it can you size it for me?" Bam you have now reversed the whole situation. You have turned an item they don't actually prefer into something they cherish damn you played your cards and it worked out well.... or "My boyfriend got me this watch it's totally not my style we broke up he just really doesn't understand me can I exchange this for one I actually like?" (true quote) and that folks is the risk you take. I hope you can learn something from these real life scenarios...next time you are buying a gift for someone you care about really think about what the result of your gift will be-not just the gift itself- if your girl prefers leather to diamonds maybe it's best if you just go with something you'll know she likes. It will save her from faking her happiness and me from dealing with the return :) follow my advice and you will be a champion gift giver. Don't forget it's always nice to get or give a gift just because :) ~S~

Jesus is the hard cock

So it's a fact that when girls are talking about guys their girlfriends haven't met they create nicknames. It's difficult when you haven't met someone to remember stories/characteristics/ their name so we often invent nicknames, like a code when girl talk is in order. This also works great when your in public because no one but the parties involved know who is being discussed. So my room mate loves rocker androgynous type of guys and I have not met any of them. SO she is always telling me these stories about these random people so today we were trying to differentiate between two guys one who looks like Dave Navarro and the other who has the middle name of Jesus and this is how the conversation went:
SC: His name is Jesus?!?!?
PV:  His middle name is Jesus
SC: Jesus is Dave Navarro
PV: No Bora is Dave Navarro
SC: Oh...and Jesus is the hard cock?
PV: Yes!
Then we were laughing sooo much we couldn't even talk. The thing is she met this rockstar who was claiming he was "classic LA" not "New LA" meaning he's a classy gentleman. Sure being playful and silly is all part of the game but if your classy you do not say this after just meeting someone....

Actual Proof

we have been laughing for ages. Here people say one thing and do the opposite I guess that's everywhere really but it is especially prominent in LA. Be classy at least take a girl on a date first! Needless to say the rommie has a brilliant payback plan! As the infamous Ron Burgundy says "Stay Classy!" :) ~S~