50 Shades is the Classic Fairytale Storyline

     The number one thing that people always get "twisted up" about (yes that's a bondage joke) when discussing 50 Shades of Grey is the BDSM elements. I've seen so many comments about it portraying a emotionally abusive relationship and that's perpetuating negative types of relationships. Let me just say this : 50 Shades of Grey follows a very similar storyline as ALL classic princess movies. How can you get more worked up about this film then a girl getting locked in a dungeon and then slowly over time giving up her whole life for her captor. This first came into my realm of awareness after watching my friend Alex Clark's hilarious animated video: 50 Shades of Beauty and the Beast

Opinions from someone who has never read/seen the story

      Now lets backtrack just a little bit. I must admit I read only about 50 pages...truly 50 ;) of the first book and it didn't really turn me on so to speak perhaps my taste are "more singular" -God I hope these movie references and puns are funny to someone reading this. Mostly because as a sapiosexual I NEED good writing in order to be stimulated and that dare I say that garbage didn't quite do the trick. None the less as all the billboards in LA tantalized me Curious? I slowly became more so and that damn sexy trailer too. I admit that I was everything this pr/marketing team wanted their ideal demographic so to speak.

      So when my coworker and I had the day off for President day we decided to go. I know this will be an unpopular sentiment but... really our reaction to the girl's choice is the problem in all of this. Here's some reasons
1- He says from the beginning "I don't do romance" and I don't date, sleep in any one's bed etc but yet Anastasia still thinks she'll change him/win him over and he'll change. He's being very upfront and clear about what he's emotionally capable of and how he lives his life and yet she still in every scene tries to change that.
2- ALL the other girls who he had this arrangement with seemingly agreed to the lifestyle willingly (although not reading the series I can't be certain on this). No one was "forced" into anything. The contract actually makes the relationship more defined and structured then in most common every day scenarios where you're wondering around in labeless confusion getting unsolicited dick pics and wondering what the hell kind of setup your in.
3- She buys into being wooed,although somewhat begrudgingly, and accepts ALL OF the lavish gifts he imparts on her. She lets herself be won over by his planes, tuxes, lifestyle, apartment, etc. Her life was fairly boring like Belle and then a stranger creates a new and exciting world that they are all to eager to join and get swept up in.
4- There really is only a guise of her being independent and making decisions based on her needs aka a few changes in the contract etc. She allows herself to follow the predetermined rules and does so of her own will and understanding.
   

There are lots more of these celebrity gifs out there 50 Shades of Fey was my 2nd favorite

      Another point that just needs to be thrown in here is that in real life BDSM couple 2 adult people are mutually agreeing to conduct themselves by certain rules and behaviors. It depends on ABSOLUTE trust,faith, and safety. No one is being manipulated or pushed into that kind of lifestyle. SO the idea that these people are emotionally abusing their partners is so far from the true intent of the practice. I work with people in domestic abuse scenarios every day and that's true manipulation not this movie.

       So getting back to the Princess point. Girl lives mundane life- meets interesting stranger- is curious and intrigued- wants to see what his life is all about- willing to leave everything she knows for boy- does so. Is that not The Little Mermaid in a Nutshell?!?! Or Beauty and the Beast just take away the details and it's all the same. The girls are swept up in the fantasy of the man's world and willingly enter into it whether the change is from the ocean to land or small live to lavish portland city life. They all seem self sufficient and independent but in reality are just looking to be swept away into a life beyond their wildest dreams the only difference is a castle vs penthouse.
 

It's quoted around the internet as being IN THE NOVEL!

    I've wrote about modern America 20 somethings Princess Delusions before (This is from when I was 25 and wow my writing has come so far). It's a theme that has a continuous undercurrent in my life as someone who struggles to be completely independent of needing a man and the longing of wanting a long term partner. There are moments when I think what it would be like to date a CEO or find a guy traveling the world who will turn out to be a Prince of some small country I've never heard of. More so I dream of a regency era gentleman who asks me to dance and take a turn around the garden. I let myself go there briefly it's easy to get swept up in that as your ongoing narrative. I have been fighting it every day since I realized I want to live in the real world more then one of my own creation- that's not easy for an actress, whose a lucid dreamer, and has a wildly imaginative brain.
“Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.”
― E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey  

      So I just ask people to consider what is it that really bothers them about 50 Shades of Grey? The bondage in the first film is not very explicit eyes masks, ice cubes, limbs ties to the bed, there's only one scene where she begs him to "show her the worst"  which he does and she hates. As long as people are being safe and consensual I would never enter into judgement about their sexual habits. What I think really bothers people is that this is another tale of yet another women choosing to be swept up in the Princess world. By letting him call all the shots and giving up all her power. It's twisted and needs to be corrected yes but then you shouldn't dress up your child in Princess costumes and tell them to wait for their white knight either.

Just for one last chuckle!

Hookup Culture VS Dating

hookup culture:

The era that began in the early 1990s and has since prevailed on college campuses and elsewhere when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of heterosexual liaison.

Example: I'm not interested in any sort of relationship. I just want to enjoy the hookup culture. (Urban Dictionary) 6 people agree

dating:

The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.

Example: Yeah, I've dated her several times. 1st time was flowers, a movie, and a nice dinner. The second time was a fancy dinner and tickets to an event. And on the third date we saw a movie again and, badda-bing-badda-boom, we had sex before the night was through. (Urban Dictionary)

dating 588 people agree

dating 2:

socially acceptable form of prostitution.

Example: I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase. (Urban Dictionary) 1,682 people agree

     To start the definition that I like the least had the most likes dating=prostitution..... Now sure you'll say Shannon but this is data/info from urbandictionary not life. Well let me share.... I was enjoying a nice dinner with a dear friend who I haven't been able to girl chat with for months. We equally had about half a years worth of "guy stories" to share and as these tales unraveled I was so struck. Struck with the feeling that as both attractive, educated, fun women we had nearly identical experiences of be courted and dropped like a bag of trash you throw in a dumpster when you're "done." Even if I didn't have enough self worth and confidence in myself (which I do) here is this knockout blonde sitting across from me telling the same tale.

     We spent a good 3 hours discussing the pros and cons of truth vs seduction and you can read my thoughts mentioned here: Truth VS Seduction Blog. I think ultimately a relationship of the most sincere truth is the only way to go but what if you can't even get that far because you won't put out on date 3 where does that leave you?  Why date 3 ?!?!? all the posts on urban dictionary mention date 3 like it's some magical number society has deemed appropriate. After 3 dates you know someone moderately well so now we won't judge you and call you a slut or whore for having sex. I can say that within minutes of meeting someone I know if i'm into them enough to ever seriously consider sleeping with them but dating someone has become different and not the way people test out if they like each other.

    Let's introduce Barney's from How I Met Your Mother lemon law logic:

Lemon Law Tuesday, November 15, 2005, 11:49am                                     Check it. New thing. The Lemon Law. On a blind date and realize whoever set you up with this uggo is truly not your friend? You're free to go. Walk into a coffee shop and spot a muffin top spilling all over the hottie you've been chatting with online? Walk away, my friend. Eject. Abort. Do not pass Go. The Lemon Law allows you to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. Consider it a hall pass for dating. 

 

       In some ways I would be totally down for that. Your not into me I'm no into you so let's bail no hard feelings and peace out. But instead as Joan from mad men says: "Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate." So I find myself doing the most insane things "just to see" or "make sure" that they do in fact don't actually give 2 fucks about me. Does that put me in the wrong as well- of course but that's my shit. In 2013 there are fewer societal restrictions on going out in comparison to say eras with chaperones and no one ever being in social situations alone with the opposite sex rules. There has to be some middle ground between all out anything goes and the strict stigma related shaming of the past.  

     My friend and I came to no real conclusion that night other then we have no idea why finding someone is so hard. Then today I came across this hilarious gem:  why chivalry is dead from a mans perspective and thought well he makes one solid point. "Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex." this lead to a massive facebook debate both genders battling out their points. 

      It rang true for me and what I had been experiencing but the male's comments opened up my ears that they also don't want to be "used" in the process. My favorite comment being "Sounds like the women don't want to be used as sex objects and the men don't want to be used as meal tickets" now there's some truth. But how can a women define herself when words like this exist: 
Hook Up Bitch:

Hook Up Bitch: a female that men use for sex but is not suitable for serious dating

Example: Stephie ain't my girlfriend; she's my hook up bitch.

Wow so this person is usable like a toy and I would guess most of the time these womaen aren't entering into the situation knowing they are a hook up bitch. I'm all for getting down in a casual away if both parties are aware of that but it seems like more and more one sided. There is this idea of well I can't possibly get someone who will have manners, treat me with respect, and love me so I subtle for what I can get. I've done it my friend was doing it and for what? The hope that one day one unknown time in the future it will be different? better? actually amazing?

       I don't like that every date I've attempted to have in the past 2 months has resulted in a guy sending my dirty pictures of them or bailing last minute. I want to go and meet someone go on an adventure and have an experience. Maybe it will be a blast maybe it will be shitty but it will be REAL not a text message chat or bs -well you can come to my house and "hang out" kind of date. I just want to date like go on real dates places and have fun. Maybe one day in the future I'll want a commitment but now I just want to experience something real and not be someone's hook up bitch or date prostitute. I'm sending a call to everyone let's keep the standard the gold rule: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. Be nice, be kind, and want to give someone a nice experience on a date genuinely and not because there may be some kind of pay off. Or you can just be like this guy.....

  
   

The date that never was

        So throughout my dating years I've been on a fare share of "perfect dates" with only one small glitch- they were not dates. At 19 I planned a whole day of pioneer valley fun- a picnic at the summit house, stroll through  yankee candle, and dinner at the Route 9 diner that was, and still is, my idea of a great day. Trouble is as adorable as it was- it wasn't ... at one point the boy even turned to me as the fake snow fell around us in the Christmas room and said "this could be really romantic." I died- yes adorable, mid western, 6-4", good looking, basketball playing, hunk it could be. It was the best date that never was.

    I could ravish you with other tales the biggest one being a year of my life of perfect dates that never were and they continue to this very day. Then there is a "real date" one in which 2 people have arranged to meet at a particular location and do something. I like dates like this because I like doing fun things but they are also terrifying especially if your just hanging out for the first time. In the realm of online dating this is what you get -planned meeting of strangers. In real life you at least have the one up of knowing if you have chemistry with someone or not.
    Tonight I had one of these real dates planned with a lovely guy i've been conversing with over the past month. At work I was a mess, tired, irritated, and on a deep dark emotional cloud. It was so bad people felt the need to comment. When I pouted about not wanting to go out a counselor asked "what's holding you back?" I wanted to say "I'm afraid it's going to be like 2 weeks ago when I'm left with a sweatshirt of a douchebag who won't return my texts" instead I listed various things on my mind to which she countered "None of which this guy caused".... wow she was right all I needed was a little psychoanalysis to set me right.
      As I locked up the building another counselor said "You deserve to have fun on this date. Relax, stay present, and be exited this could be your future husband." I almost cried. I was overwhelmed with the idea that this man(or any person you meet at any moment) could be the one to share in life's adventures with and this bit of motherly advice struck me to my deepest core- I missed my mother and am curious what her advice would be before this en devour.  For a whole 17 minutes I was brimming with excitement and anticipation. That was until I got the text saying he had to work late etc etc I get it this is Hollywood where media jobs don't just end at 5 and plans mean little more then formulated ideas as opposed to being concrete. We decided to postpone to later at 8. When 8 came and went then 9 -I was more then a little perturbed.
     I finally got a text I can meet you at 11. Now this is one of my rule breakers- no seeing boys after 10 PM unless you plan on sleeping with them because that is the only thing that will come of that. So as I declined of course his response was minimal and I simply thought "add this to the list of dates that never was" it seems to be growing a fair amount in the past few months. It's only further convincing me that this is not my path right now and not where my energy should be. If the universe wanted me to go out tonight something would have happened. Instead I watched 3 more episodes of Orange is the New Black (ps super addicted). Instead of being bitter I'm aiming for 'if it was meant to be it would be' and have settled somewhere between the two. I'm trying to focus on the fact that love is a life long journey not a sprint to some hypothetical finish line. At the end of the day there is one person in my life who I will always love, who will always have my back, and will never cancel- myself.

How to Have an Epic Wedding Proposal

I would like to start with my idea of the WORST WAY to get proposed to and married like ever I would die.....

Thing we've learned from this video:
    A- starting off by a cheating thing, or being pulled over by a cop (i've seen that to) or any of these bone head things are not good tricks! Starting off angry to then joy is not how I would want to start my life with someone
   B- it's very impersonal there is no intimacy with close family and friends
   C- in general girls plan this idea in their minds for years ( we are programmed to) and to have all the joy of a life long dream mashed into 15 minutes is intense- at least in this scenario there is no pre wedding jitters or months of family squabbles!

Oh look I found an "arrest" proposal Fake Arrest for Contest


       Now I would like to share some of the videos I have come across in the past year that are so amazing and beautiful. When I get cynical and believe me I have my moments I watch these videos and it gives me hope that there are people out there who really do love each other. In my motherless daughters group the girls inspire me by the stories they tell of the men who wouldn't give up on them even when they pushed them away or tested their love- they wouldn't back down. When you've experienced loss your default assumption is you will die young or anyone you love will die it's just the way your brain thinks. If I ever get married I know my Mom will not be there and that hurts and I'm not even engaged yet. The girls explained to me that "when you find the right one everything makes sense and you can't picture it any other way because you are creating a new family with them." Here are some truly thoughtful proposals by people who have found the one person who makes them want to jump on the wedding train. 

5. This is actually a sudo copy cat of my number one 1 favorite with a gratitude twist thrown in which I love

What we learned from this video:
     - it's effective when you speak from the depths of you heart sincerely
     - even acquaintances will help you do pretty much anything for love
     - if you don't have an 100% original idea you can just switch up someones already brilliant
       one. Which you will see in the number 1 spot.

4. You can totally try to rope a celeb into helping

I mean Zach Braff come on really!

I don't even know this game but how original!

What we learned from getting a celeb to help is:

     -It's effective to use someones favorite thing in their proposal

     - You get serious bonus points for somehow/someway convincing the celeb to do it

     - Your bringing it to the next level which deserves major props

3. Nothing quite says commitment like a proposal over 6 years!!!!!

What we've learned from this video:
    -It's effective to still have a trick up you sleeve even if they "know"    
    - When you know you know so why not make something special out of the build up
    - The pre planning aspects of this is truly a long term commitment making it powerful


2. When in doubt you can always default to her favorite story growing up

She always wanted to be Windy and now she is!

This is a little podunk but he really took the fairy tale thing to heart

Thing we learned from these videos:
    - it's effective to make a girl's fantasy/dream come to life
    - there's something powerful about connecting her current life to her childhood ideas
    - most girls like getting dresses up so that always helps

Now for the top proposal video ever!

Why does that not look like anything in video number 5.........Because the number one spot is a tie!!!! Between Matt and Ginny (above) and Issac and Amy's (below)

Wow- just wow. I am not kidding you these 2 videos make me cry they are so amazing!
What did we learn from these top truly most epic best proposals ever?!?!?!?!?
   - it's effective when you come up with/dream of the most insane proposal plan and then actually make it happen
   - When you can include the person's family and friends they will love it even more because they get to share the experience
   - the build up to the reveal is intense/exciting/magical they both knew with the first few seconds they would be proposed to but it wasn't until 5 minutes later to which the moment and excitement is continuously growing. When they are finally asked they can barely speak because they are in so much shock/amazement/pure joy.

People often say that chivalry is dead and that men of quality and substance no longer walk this fine planet. Well I can't say there are many but there are 7 men and 1 women who certainly do. So i'm playing my odds a billion to 1! Ya know my father has the super lucky all the time gene and he passed it on to me in the form of getting really lucky every once in awhile! One of the girls in my motherless daughters group said "I know my mother sent me this man this best kind of man." So between Dad's luck and Mom's divine presence I've gotta believe that I can find that 8th super amazing man.... there must be one left somewhere in the world!

PS This one came out 7/24/13 http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-uses-42-bed-sheets-write-marry-girlfriends-122445614.html

The Hidden Clues of OKCupid Dating

Let's be honest it's hard to meet people this day in age. We don't have dance halls where the youth get all dolled up and go to the local community center in hopes of getting asked to dance by "the one". We're too scared to date anyone from work for fear of lawsuits or firing. Just saying "the bar scene" elicits an eye roll and deep sigh. So what is left in this modern world- online dating. Either you love it or you hate it- either way I have heard/lived all the pros and cons. In this digital age it only seems like the "natural" progression of courtship. Throughout my search for love in LA I have gotten my fare share on insane messages from men. I keep the most ridiculous because it amuses me as a sort of social experiment I can show my kids one day "Look what mommy put up with before she found daddy." Just kidding many of the messages I received are too raunchy I dare not even post them here let alone young naive eyes. I also doubt I will have kids and this idea of finding "the one" so that leaves me seeking adventures! Learn from my social experiment and note that the italicized responses after the message are my thoughts not my actual responses because let's be honest I didn't respond to most of these- if I did it's in green.

1. Any mention or reference to "fun" is casual sex I really can't pin point an example where this isn't the case. If you look under the what i'm looking for 100% of the time casual sex is listed. This is also the same kind of guy who write under the top 6 things you can't live without 1.Sex     really come on (insert eye roll)
1a-"hang out" 90% of the time also means sex
Message from SuperDuperSex69 Mar 24, 2013 – 11:54pm
hey there, you're hot, want to hang out and have some fun? 
Can we play board games- I love board games they are totally fun!
Message from Hangingout06 Jan 6, 2013 – 12:00pm
One night of fun lol
Only one night- not a whole lifetime?This isn't forever?

 2.  Nothing is subtle in an online dating profile. You describe exactly what you are like, your interests, the type of person you want to be with etc The reality is most people just look at your photos find one common show or interest and say some random thing in a message. The tango of seduction that happens in the realm outside the profile window is a mirage online.
Message from m0nm Apr 25, 2013 – 12:55pm
hello there
You have a striking resemblance to the girl I lost my virginity to. I'm willing to make the same mistake twice, if ya know what im sayin
Ya I think it's actually pretty clear dude but thanks for the compliment (is that a compliment??)...

3. Persistence is not cute-when it's online it's called cyber stalking. It's not real life where someone can "grow on you" over time as you get to know them more and fall for their little quirks. If someone does not respond they are not interested if you REALLY think there could be something amazing there a second message is okay. Realize however you're then playing your dignity against chance but it may work out so take the gamble if you dare. Note in the following example the change of tactic, time span of these messages, and increasing lack of subtlety (see clue 2)
Message from ClarkNY Apr 14, 2013 – 10:45am
You are ravshing!I am intrigued by your profile! very romantic! buy you a cup of joe? clark

Apr 15, 2013 – 9:06am
you are simply ravishing! buy you a cup of joe or a drink?clark
 
May 2, 2013 – 12:57pm
killer profile!! entertaining .. Informative and shoot milk out of my nose hysterical ..
you have me curious.. clark

May 4, 2013 – 12:05pm
nice profile .. Easy on the eyes..
check me out .... Meet tonight ?
After message 2 and looking at my profile like once a day every day I did write "I'm not interested" he responded "why not" one month later he came back-dude do you think I wouldn't realize - he was also much older
The internet is not real life so don't act like it.

4 Don't claim to "know" something about the depth of some one's human soul by reading 4 perfectly edited paragraphs about them also from their own self perspective which is of course glowing.
Message from incububs Feb 11, 2013 – 2:02am
I want to know you. You seem like someone worth knowing. Every day I feel like I’m surrounded by people with hard edges and sour faces but I get the sense that you’re different. Too often people seem to think that they have the answers to everything. Their faces are trapped in permascowls and they can’t be bothered with anything besides their own narcissism. You aren’t like that.
I'm so glad my profile shows you such a deep understanding of who I am... for all you know I could be working a catfish angel and be a man in China with some cute girl from LA's photos....(this is done way more then I care to acknowledge have you seen catfish them people are cra cra)

5. Leading with a negative is never a good idea or your drug use/boozing. Why would you want to show someone your faults/bad attitude/ negativity before even saying hi? Of course I'm from the positive thinking realm of Buddhism but really positive attracts more positive and you want a date right? Here are numerous examples of this starting with a negative....
Message from CallMeBigCountry May 6, 2013 – 11:17pm
So for the fact that no one responds to my messages on here, I am going to save all the cheesy pick up lines and things like that  I am a music artist looking for friends out in the LA/Venice Beach area. I am pretty much the best music artist (link removed)That's a link to my music, check it out, and go through a few, cause I guarantee at least 1 will be awesome to you, I got songs in many different genres If you ever want to just chill and smoke on the beach with the coolest homeless music artist you have ever met, hit me up

Message from DavisAggie
You have really pretty Fun Loving Irish baby blue eyes. In contrast, mine are Soul-sucking joyless adulthood Asian brown. You can probably out drink me too...

Message from mrtnz1 May 31, 2013 – 3:10am
Hi I'm jorge... What do you dislike most about the dating process?

Message from Eskwire11 Jun 23, 2013 – 4:50am
Did u just view my profile and not say hi?? Big mistake lady... Biiiiiig mistake!!

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:36am
are you quoting pretty woman?!? lol

Jun 23, 2013 – 11:38am
Lol nope. But I did like that movie.. So it may have had an effect :) what u doin? I'm confused as to why we aren't dating.. It's a travesty
 That is a pretty women quote so now you're plagiarizing and criticizing me for not messaging you yes that is a winning combo for romance!

So let's recap here first of all everyone likes sex so there is nothing charming about straight up asking for it. The girls who want that kind of "relationship" make it pretty obvious on their profiles. I do appreciate that you are being truthful one guy said to me "I really just want a passionate threesome" which I respected and declined. You want to be original and focus on the awesome things you have that make unique and stand out. Remember NO means NO not let me insult you while sending you 5 more messages. Save the fun of getting to know the person for the actual date and be a gentleman/lady there will be plenty of time in the future to let that dark side out to play!  

Chemistry VS Attraction

So the past few months I have pondering the idea of chemistry vs attraction when it comes to dating. I go back in forth in my head about the difference and similarities and basically what makes you want to date, sleep with, or marry someone. Let's start with some definitions....

at·trac·tion

[uh-trak-shuhn] noun

1. the act, power, or property of attracting.

2.attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement: the subtle attraction of her strange personality.

3.a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices: The main attraction was the after-dinner speaker.

4.a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure; attractive feature: The chief attractions of the evening were the good drinks and witty conversation.

5.Physics. the electric or magnetic force that acts between oppositely charged bodies, tending to draw them together.

 

chem·is·try

[kem-uh-stree] noun, plural chem·is·tries.

1. the science that deals with the composition and properties of substances and various elementary forms of matter. Compare element (  def 2 ) .

2. chemical properties, reactions, phenomena, etc.: the chemistry of carbon.

3.the interaction of one personality with another: The chemistry between him and his boss was all wrong.

4.sympathetic understanding; rapport: the astonishing chemistry between the actors.

5. any or all of the elements that make up something: the chemistry of love. 

 

So by definition from a science perspective attraction is what happens when there is chemistry already present. Can the same apply for dating? 

 

     Let's take actors for example... they are attractive (well most of them) and they essentially get paid to have the kind of personality that draws people into watching them. When you meet said actor in real life would there even be chemistry or just a really strong attraction to them. When I've flirted with hot celebrities over the past 2 (almost 2) years here in LA I become puddy. I say stupid stuff, I smile a lot, and generally my sentences leave something to be desired. I feel attraction and chemistry but who knows that is going on in their head/body/heart! Is that chemistry or just a simple physical attraction?

 

     Let's now do the opposite lets say you have a really great re pore with someone who is your "friend." You laugh, share secrets, and have an amazing time in each others company but one or both parties is not attracted to the other. The chemistry of the relationship is %100 there so why are you not mutually attracted? This is one thing I still can't really wrap my head around because something is there and if it's not "attraction" what is it?

 

UPDATE: * TYPES OF BONDING: *as read in If the Buddha Dated

1. Physical/material

2. Intellect

3. Interests 

4. Values/lifestyle

5. Psychological/emotional

6. Creativity/passion

7. Spirituality

8. Essence

 

Can you really truly have chemistry without attraction or be attracted to someone without having real chemistry going on between the two of you?   

 

    My entire romantic history has in one way or another revolved around this very idea it wasn't until this week have I been able to fully grasp that they can indeed be mutually exclusive. You can really want to sleep with someone who you have 0 chemistry with. You can also have great chemistry that doesn't always have to be a precursor for attraction. It can be, oh trust me, it really can be but one does not always create the other. An example being someone who you get along great with of the sex you are not attracted to- a friendship chemistry.  I've come to realize what I want is the full package I want someone where together we have both. I have people who are strongly in one camp in my mind I toy with this idea of "could we have more of X?." The answer is apparently no we are just what we are. Do I think both chemistry and attraction can grow from nothing to epic- ya I certainly do. The biggest obstacle to attraction and love is indifference. 

     

       Now to go one level deeper if you have chemistry and are attracted to each other and NOTHING happens what is going on then? Is something holding back the relationship from progressing like fear or uncertainty?  I'm still learning to tell the difference between friendship and romantic chemistry. As well as the difference between physical attraction and maybe mental attraction... for me intelligence can give psychical a strong boost, Intelligence=Sexy! I keep reminding myself the world is not black and white- it is many MANY shades of grey. Will I look back and regret any of these encounters when i'm 101???  NO because I have learned something from everybody who has come into my life. Now I just need to find that person where we are equally attracted and the romantic chemistry is unmistakable! 

 

Science words that have a double relationship meeting..... bonds, cohesion,symbiosis, electric, connection, stimulus, and of course chemistry/attraction -did you even learn anything from this blog ?!?!? :)

 

This graphic is really really amusing to me

 

Sorta Syndrome

Sorta Syndrome- that moment in a potentially romantic relationship when both parties aren't really sure where they stand and neither will comment/commit so it becomes the epically ambiguous, sorta syndrome.

This week it has become abundantly clear that I continuously get in these sorta relationships ALL OF THE TIME. When straight up asking my high school crush if he ever liked me his ingenious response was "sorta" at this pivotal confessional moment years and years of "sorta moments" all came clicking into place.

        I think in our minds it is like the movies when two people meet they exchange some sexy glances, partake in some witty banter, and somewhere in their hearts they just "know." Not just in a "i'm physically attracted to you way" but in a solid way of "yes we both are equally into each other." I personally have never know if anyone likes me, ever.  I only get an answer if I initiate and do the asking. The response is NEVER "yes I am so into you let's do this." I'm not sure humans are even capable of being that open and honest! Here are a few examples of common sorta syndrome scenarios:

1) I do love you but.... basically I care about you I know we're great together but I don't want to be with you as a couple.

2) Were such good friends I don't want to mess up what we already have.

3) Deny Deny Deny- I am in complete denial about how I actually feel. I'm too scared/overwhelmed/excited (insert appropriate adjective here) to even consider dating you.

4) We're already great companions why do we have to label anything can't we just leave good enough alone?


       I think part of it comes from knowing what you want. What are you looking for in a future partner? What are you own goals and ambitions and can this person help you be the best person you can be to achieve that? I tend to have very strong opinions about what I want and don't so there are very few things I'm unsure about- the way men feel about me is probably the only one. I just want to shout from the top of my lungs "DO YOU LIKE ME ?!?!?!" My roommate informed me the lack of an answer is an answer. The entire book He's just not that into you is about this but is it that simple?
        For me there are always questions and I can get very in my head about what is happening. I doubt everything now because when I was younger I grossly romanticized and protected my self through false ideas. I learned that my interpretations of what were going on and what were actually going on were two totally different realities. Then I met someone and thought surely they are as connected to me as I to them- they weren't. After that I dated someone who was physically connected to me but still detached mentally. I was left wondering- is that all there is (insert musical notes here)?????
        Now I'm 26 having the exact same conversation I have had so many times before. When a person looks at you and says "sorta" does that actually mean "no" or just "i'm not sure"? Either way it does not mean "YES" I'm still trying to figure all this out but I do know I want a man to look at me and when asked "Do you want to date me?" there response would be an overwhelming "HELL YES!"I am not even sure such a thing exists but I do know I don't want to settle for a life stuck in sorta syndrome. I am awesome, strong, and I look really cute even without makeup. I, like every women, deserves someone who sees every aspect of their personality the good and the bad and loves them all. He thinks “All the girls in the world were divided into two classes: one class included all the girls in the world except her, and they had all the usual human feelings and were very ordinary girls; while the other class -herself alone- had no weaknesses and was superior to all humanity.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Or for a more modern twist: "Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love Like I'm the only one who knows your heart Only girl in the world..."  RIHANNA - ONLY GIRL

See I'm the kind of girl who can quote Tolstoy and Rihanna and somehow make that work- i'm cool- who wouldn't want to say "HELL YES" to dating me ?!?! :)

Words are Sexy

If your a book lover, literary type, or scrabble champion you are aware of the vast power of using the perfect word. I have always had a fondness for "out of the ordinary" vocabulary. My downfall to using words like behoove is that I have learning disabilities that prevent me from fully being able to write my brilliant thoughts coherently and I can't spell words by sounding them out.Writing this blog has been immensely helpful because I'm writing for pleasure instead of school so I actively am trying to make my writing readable and knowing my common mistakes I am actually finding them. My passion for word play is a direct inherited ability from my father. He is so good at creating little sayings and words games, trust me if he ever challenges you to solve a wheel of fortune puzzle he WILL beat you. A few years back he came up with Carin for Karen (brilliant). I particularly remember this one time I was entering into 2nd grade and was either going to be in classroom 2A or 2B. The day my assignment arrived he asked "2B or not 2B that is the question?" Being only 7 years old I had to be explained why that is funny. Now as a 25 year old actress I can truly appreciate the beauty of the joke. I spent most of my senior year in college making up descriptive alliterations with my friend Draper about our theater department. We would amuse our selves for hours creating these little sayings and repeating key words as a secret little code when we were around people which gave us unending amusement. After college I worked with a little girl who was non-verbal. I then saw the power of body language, facial interpretations, and sounds and how they could replace meaning but not fully expression. When she would say something is had so much power because they were rare and truthful. When she used her communication device to write her choice of words sometimes would be surprising but accurate and showed her personal preferences in word selection. Do you know 80% of what we say is all from a set of "core" words we use all the time and only 20% are fringe words. You can communicate almost anything with core words instead of fringe words "get that" instead of "can I have the spatula". However even thought it is extremely affective it lacks a certain appeal and sexiness. For instance I have an attraction to using British phrases like "quite lovely" and "posh." I feel it adds a little flavor to everyday speech. Anyone who loves literature can tell you the use of one word vs another can make or break a whole idea even a whole book. In scrabble one letter can certainly make you victorious or keep you from a triple letter score. I recently got into Demetri Martin's comedy sketches. He makes little drawing and songs that are usually based on word play and it's subtle genius. When all is said and done words are sexy when you used to enhance an idea and turn something ordinary into something powerful.

Here are some fun words from different languages http://aimdanismanlik.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/awesomely-untranslatable-words/

Princess Delusions

http://www.cracked.com/funny-4485-classic-disney-movies/

Like most little American girls I was raised on Disney Princesses and barbies. I always wanted a "my size barbie" but because I was on heavy medication as a child I was too big for my size barbie and was devastated. All of my earlier birhdays were princess themed mostly Ariel because I thought she was adventurous and Belle because I thought she was sweet. I once had a conversation with girlfriends on why do we identify with certain princess because they have similar traits to us or because be want to be like them??? Then we discovered our favorite princess often had the same hair color we did. subliminal messaging especially for the young and impressionable is something I became very aware of as a teacher when the girl were singing Katy Perry's teenage dream and swinging around the swing set poles like they were strippers. As I mentioned in a previous post I always had this strong desire to go to France and speak French when I finally arrived there I really thought about where that came from and all of a sudden Beauty and the Beast popped into my head the song "Bonjour" particularly standing out. Maybe watching My Friend Totoro over and over again sparked my interest in Japanese culture??? I remember the first time I was taught about anything remotely feminist by my 9th grade English teacher Molly saying they called it "his story" for a reason. Since that day men at work signs have always angered me. In college I became more aware of social norms, schemas, gender stereotyping and all that good stuff you learn from a liberal psyc education. Honestly I can't help but feel a little jipped because I feel programmed to believe in a silly structure I don't actually want any part of. At 25 I feel compelled to be married and have kids but it's really in no way what I actually want in this point in my life by that nagging thought it still continuously there. there really are no good and healthy relationship depicted in these movies whatsoever but yet they appeal to something deep in our psyches. what is it??? do we really just want to be rescued by a handsome man???I like to think we as women are better then that but currently i've seen nothing but the contrary. I think at some point you have to make a choice...is this what I really want or do I want something more substantial?? ~S~

Styles of Shoes Styles of Men.

At work I often have a lot of time to just think since there is usually a point in the day when you have done all your tasks, talked to all you coworkers, and still there are no customers. Also the women's shoe department has the highest percentage of straight male men and it's right across from me so inevitably it comes to mind from time to time. Now I noticed each guy in the department has not only their own unique personality they also have a unique way of interacting with the customers and coworkers. Each a little different with their pros and cons but essentially all the same "product" at the end of the day- men.

The Gil- The Espadrille Wedge: is a shoe that is still exciting because it's high but it's also more comfy then a stiletto. It's cute and fun for a casual day out but it's not something you wear everyday. If you date a Gil you will have fun and flirt but there's no long term commitment.
The Dale- The Ballet Flat: is the least threatening shoe it's like the best friend of footwear. You can wear it anywhere with anybody sure it can be sexy but mostly you feel safe knowing you won't fall. If you date a Dale you may lack excitement but you will always have a solid footing.   
The Kevin- The stiletto heel: when you put on a pair you feel sexy your legs look long and fine and you are ready to party. Sure they are fantastic but only for about an hour then they kill and you would do just about anything to have any other shoe on your feet. If you date a Kevin it will be a roller coaster kick ass time until he gets bored and moves on to something sexier.
The Freddie- Classic Sneaker: you can't go wrong with a piece of footwear that is timeless, easy, and hassle free. If your looking for a no frills easy going relationship and on occasion a few compliments thrown in then date a Freddie.
The David- Patent Leather Pump: under the guise of being sexy patent leather usually looks a little cheap. You get a nice one liner and wink from time to time but that doesn't really end up satisfying you when all is said and done but maybe you don't want the commitment anyways??
The Don- The Bootie: Sure it sounds dirty(picture Sir Mix A lot) but it also sounds innocent (little babies wear booties right??) that's what you get when you date a Don you get both sides, someone who gives off the vibe of being tough and sexy but really is just a softie at heart.
The Matt-Knee High Boot: This is a classic stable item every women should own it's not only practical but sexy too. When you date a Matt it may seem simple and understated at first but it also comes with the surprise wow factor when you least expect it.. and it will blow your mind.

Now some women have a staple piece of footwear they never take off...some like to switch it up depending  on the occasion or their mood but ladies never forget there are as many men as there are styles of shoes....choose wisely! ~S~

Top Ten Things To Remember If I'm Ever A Bride

So you know that saying always a bridesmaid never a bride my life is slowly becoming that cliche. Now don't get me wrong I have been honored to be a bridesmaid in every wedding I have been in. I have also learned a few things along the way. This is no way meant to be about anyone just my general feelings. Everyone swears they will remember these things but somehow it tends to get lost in the hussle, bussle, and headaches of planning a wedding.

1. I will NOT be a bridezilla (Definition: a bride-to-be who focuses so much on the event that she becomes difficult and obnoxious) just take a deep breath and relax it will be okay
2. Just because you've been programmed since birth that this is "your special day" where you get to be "a princess" and you get whatever you want does not make it reality- that is not life... ever... not even for one day... no matter how special the day is 
3. Marriage- A-a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other  B- the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. One of these sounds a lot better then the other doesn't it???
4. It's a wedding not a capitalist investment- in 10 years no will remember your center pieces probably not even you, or the name cards, save the money for important things or DIY
5. Love does not need to be proven with rings and a white dress it should be shown everyday through the commitment and actions of the partnership not just pledged one day out loud for your nearest and dearest 
6. Your guests are there to celebrate with you- shouldn't they be allowed to have some fun at your wedding too? bringing someone they care about, drinking, and light atmosphere are mandatory for guest pleasure let them have it they've spent a shitload of money on this night too
7. No one likes being in matching dresses and having to pay their hard earned money on something they will never wear again-seriously why are matching dresses still around???  
8. The whole event will fly by take time out to enjoy it be with the person you love and cherish it because tomorrow will just be another day- this day is special. Granted you will be Mrs so and so...that kinda makes the day after a little special too
9. Not everything will go exactly according to plan it is humanly impossible to control every minute detail so live in the moment... besides if you fall into the cake it will be a great story to tell the grandkids or submit to America's Funniest Home Videos
10. LOVE- Love is why you are doing this whole thing anyway. Make sure you are 110% sure and ready, that this is what you want, and you could not imagine life in any other way then this one- that this is the one person you want to share your life with every morning, every night, every sickness, and every moment.