Becoming Joan

            I have now deemed my new actress role model to be Christina Hendricks. If you have ever watched mad men you can see the persuasive power and sexiness Christina as Joan has throughout the show- she is so frickin awesome. For a few months I was struggling with the idea that I could not be "me" fully at work. Sometimes I want to wear something not in dress code, or spend more then 2 minutes talking to a counselor, and sometimes, I know this one is a shocker, I am not 100% pleasant, joyful, and smiley like my jobs reacquires me to be. I felt so torn from the way I wanted to be and the way I needed to be in order to perform my job well and somewhere in that inner turmoil I made a choice- I will play a character.
    I had already been dabbling with incorporating Joan like qualities into my somewhat similar job of running the center at night. If there is anything truthful about the myths about secretaries it's that they have all the power and knowledge and none of the recognition. I would dress with small retro touches, use subtle suggestion to get the results I needed, and kept up this illusion that I had everything together and under control. I am still utterly shocked when I confess how close I was to loosing it at work and people say "I had no idea you seemed so cool and collected."
           I only fully came to the realization that I had somehow along way made a choice when one college said "You know you sound totally different on the phone like it isn't even you talking" I replied "I know I do it on purpose. Since I can't always be how I want to be or how currently feel which may be sad, angry, hurt etc I am just going to be a character- I'm Joan" he seemed to take this as a satisfactory answer and dropped it. I on the hand was shocked with what had just come out of my mouth clearly my conscious brain was now becoming aware of something my sub conscious has been doing for the past month or so- faking it.
         See like Joan I wield a great deal of power over how things runs because I am in charge of all the rooms and scheduling. I always try my hardest to be fair and equal but you can't tell me someone who gave you a birthday gift and someone who always gives you attitude will fall equally on the likability spectrum- we're human that's just not possible. It's a balancing act between being strong and resilient and being open and friendly. It's a challenge for even the most well rounded individual.
        So today I was particularly not very cheerful after being in a bit of a slump the past week. I found out a decision that effects my future and it's wasn't entirely favorable... I cried. I can not help myself from crying if I feel it it's coming up no matter how potentially embarrassing the environment like lets say an office where a hundred people come and go it can not be contained. I really tried to calm myself I even said I didn't need to take a break but then a friend insisted. I went to the bathroom and let myself bawl my eyes out for one minute to just release it. I literally had a vision in that moment of Joan crying in this one episode after being teased. One minute is all you get then you pull yourself together fix your makeup put on a smile and you go back to work. I unfortunately haven't been wearing makeup and didn't have any with me so there was no hiding these swollen eyes.
         I went to my desk and I smiled and in my head I sang this old charlie chaplin song "Smile though your heart is aching Smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by. If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll see the sun come shining through For you" it helps. Sometimes we don't get to be what we want to be in a given moment so all you can do is the best you can and I learned that from Joan  she says “This is why I don’t allow crying in the break room. It erodes morale. There’s a place to do that, like you’re apartment.” - in a world of power and struggle she found a way to survive and be the envy of all the girls while doing it. I'm still trying to find my way but for now I'm just going to stay in character.

5 Ways I'm Like Joan:

1- She's know what she wants and isn't afraid to ask, push   boundaries, or find a more coy way of getting it
2- She's sexy but covered always classy
3- She can run the entire show and make it look like child's play
4- She knows everything about everything and everyone and yields that power gracefully
5- She's the one everyone wants to pigeonhole but actually she is too dynamic to figure out

More Joan Wisdom:

 "Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate. "

" Well I learned a long time ago to not get all my satisfaction form this job."

Joan (to Peggy): "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can still just draw a cartoon. So all you've done is prove to them that I'm a meaningless secretary, and you're another humorless bitch."

“I was just made Director of Agency Operations. A title, no money of course. And if they poured champagne, it must have been while I was pushing the mailcart.”               

“Fun-loving girl, responsible sometimes. Likes to laugh, lives to love seeks size six for city living and general gallivanting. No dull moments or dull men tolerated.” 

5 Ways I'm like Christina:

1- She's not trying to be a size 2 twig she enjoys having curves
2- She is proud to show off her glasses and makes them look sexy she will even rock them on the red carpet
3- She won't put up with being called different, full figured, or fat she fights back saying i'm a women period
4- She takes her acting roles seriously and is all about creating the character
5- She's been nominated for emmy's and won SAG awards! (ok I haven't done that yet...but just wait)

More Christina Wisdom:

"I don't think any woman in the world could get tired of being compared to Marilyn Monroe."

" I think Joan's advice would be: always know more then anyone else, always be discreet as possible. And never cry at work"

"I thought, well, you might see curves there, but that's just a bone- so even if I lose weight that's not going to change anything. That's how I look. That's my shape. Do the math."

"I've always been someone who really watches other people, human behavior. To watch it and be able to express it through your version has always been really exciting to me"

Chemistry VS Attraction

So the past few months I have pondering the idea of chemistry vs attraction when it comes to dating. I go back in forth in my head about the difference and similarities and basically what makes you want to date, sleep with, or marry someone. Let's start with some definitions....

at·trac·tion

[uh-trak-shuhn] noun

1. the act, power, or property of attracting.

2.attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement: the subtle attraction of her strange personality.

3.a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices: The main attraction was the after-dinner speaker.

4.a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure; attractive feature: The chief attractions of the evening were the good drinks and witty conversation.

5.Physics. the electric or magnetic force that acts between oppositely charged bodies, tending to draw them together.

 

chem·is·try

[kem-uh-stree] noun, plural chem·is·tries.

1. the science that deals with the composition and properties of substances and various elementary forms of matter. Compare element (  def 2 ) .

2. chemical properties, reactions, phenomena, etc.: the chemistry of carbon.

3.the interaction of one personality with another: The chemistry between him and his boss was all wrong.

4.sympathetic understanding; rapport: the astonishing chemistry between the actors.

5. any or all of the elements that make up something: the chemistry of love. 

 

So by definition from a science perspective attraction is what happens when there is chemistry already present. Can the same apply for dating? 

 

     Let's take actors for example... they are attractive (well most of them) and they essentially get paid to have the kind of personality that draws people into watching them. When you meet said actor in real life would there even be chemistry or just a really strong attraction to them. When I've flirted with hot celebrities over the past 2 (almost 2) years here in LA I become puddy. I say stupid stuff, I smile a lot, and generally my sentences leave something to be desired. I feel attraction and chemistry but who knows that is going on in their head/body/heart! Is that chemistry or just a simple physical attraction?

 

     Let's now do the opposite lets say you have a really great re pore with someone who is your "friend." You laugh, share secrets, and have an amazing time in each others company but one or both parties is not attracted to the other. The chemistry of the relationship is %100 there so why are you not mutually attracted? This is one thing I still can't really wrap my head around because something is there and if it's not "attraction" what is it?

 

UPDATE: * TYPES OF BONDING: *as read in If the Buddha Dated

1. Physical/material

2. Intellect

3. Interests 

4. Values/lifestyle

5. Psychological/emotional

6. Creativity/passion

7. Spirituality

8. Essence

 

Can you really truly have chemistry without attraction or be attracted to someone without having real chemistry going on between the two of you?   

 

    My entire romantic history has in one way or another revolved around this very idea it wasn't until this week have I been able to fully grasp that they can indeed be mutually exclusive. You can really want to sleep with someone who you have 0 chemistry with. You can also have great chemistry that doesn't always have to be a precursor for attraction. It can be, oh trust me, it really can be but one does not always create the other. An example being someone who you get along great with of the sex you are not attracted to- a friendship chemistry.  I've come to realize what I want is the full package I want someone where together we have both. I have people who are strongly in one camp in my mind I toy with this idea of "could we have more of X?." The answer is apparently no we are just what we are. Do I think both chemistry and attraction can grow from nothing to epic- ya I certainly do. The biggest obstacle to attraction and love is indifference. 

     

       Now to go one level deeper if you have chemistry and are attracted to each other and NOTHING happens what is going on then? Is something holding back the relationship from progressing like fear or uncertainty?  I'm still learning to tell the difference between friendship and romantic chemistry. As well as the difference between physical attraction and maybe mental attraction... for me intelligence can give psychical a strong boost, Intelligence=Sexy! I keep reminding myself the world is not black and white- it is many MANY shades of grey. Will I look back and regret any of these encounters when i'm 101???  NO because I have learned something from everybody who has come into my life. Now I just need to find that person where we are equally attracted and the romantic chemistry is unmistakable! 

 

Science words that have a double relationship meeting..... bonds, cohesion,symbiosis, electric, connection, stimulus, and of course chemistry/attraction -did you even learn anything from this blog ?!?!? :)

 

This graphic is really really amusing to me

 

British Boys/Men Beyond Babeilicious

         Here is a comprehensive list of the most amazing beyond babeilicious boys and men (see section 2) who hail from the great island of Britannia. It is no secret if you know me you know I have a super serious weakness for British accents, well all EU accents but especially theirs. Feel free to swoon, drool, or ogle to you hearts content. Order does not pertain to likeability...

The Under 35ers - The Boys
Henry Cavill: 30, Jersey Channel Island, Newly attached like it became official this week
Henry recently has skyrocketed to popularity with the release of "Man of Steel" his abs "steal" the screen. I however fell in love when he played the playboy Charles Brandon in "The Tudors". I mean shirtless, in the ruffled white shirts, or all dolled up in period costume his presence kept me watching all 4 seasons. My love deepened in his small bit part in Stardust as the secret gay man. I would go anywhere and do anything with him.

Eddie Redmayne: 31, London, Attached
I first got my love dose of Eddie in "My Week with Marilyn" He's been in 2 versions of Queen Elizabeth movies and why not he's that talented! Just when you think there's no way he could be more adorable you find out that boy can really sing. In "Les Miserables" his voice and puppy dog love for Cosette is precious and completely swoon worthy.

Robert Pattinson: 27, London, Single? bye bye Kstew
Sure sure ya he's that guy from twilight but before that he was Cedric in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". There was one moment when flying on a broom chasing those bird/ball things (any muggles want to tell me the name of those?!?) when he raises his head up and stares into the camera I think I was about 18 and squealed. I told my mom that one day he would be famous (point me) boy did I call that one! Maybe it's the hair or those oh so chiseled cheek bones- I don't care if that pale disgusting makeup makes him look dead he is still hot.

Jim Sturgess: 35, London/Surrey, Attached
Most people know Jim as the card counting MIT student in "21". I however am obsessed with Jim as Jude in "Across the Universe." Again there is singing and romance and he just looks so damn amazing getting angry singing Revolution totally worth illegally living in the country for. A bit of an ass in "One Day" he more them redeems him self as several characters in "Cloud Atlas" when I proclaimed "That is so Jim I would know those eyes anywhere!" no mask or makeup can fool me from spotting this hottie.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson: 23, High Wycomb, Married
I almost feel bad for liking this boy at 23 although he is more man then most boys his age also married to someone double his age! Aaron first blew my mind as the creative and slightly disturbed Lennon in "Nowhere Boy." When he took on the Russian adulterous soldier Vronsky in "Anna Karenia" he made me want to run away with him. Sure he's young, sure he's married to a women who could easily be his mom, he is still lovely.

Joseph Morgan: 32, Wales, Single Maybe Attached
The first time I set eyes on Joseph was as William Price in "Mansfield Park" short but sweet role. It wasn't until his ongoing stint at Klaus in "Vampire Diaries" that I really fell. He's twisted yet thoughtful, a hidden artist, and killer= complex to say the least. No one likes a simple man and he's proving to be a chameleon like actor that I simply can't get enough of.

The Over 35ers- The Men

Hugh Grant: 53, Hammersmith, Single
Oh come on does he even need a descriptor?!?! Bridget Jones, Love Actually, Notting Hill, Two weeks Notice, and as Edward in Sense and Sensibility ( I really really can't get enough of men dressed in period costumes) he is dashing in all of them. Throughout the years he has done some pretty questionable things- anyone remember the transvestite (not judging just commenting)? But with a quick smile and sarcastic comment all is forgiven he's too cute to hate for long even as the douchy cheating Daniel Clever he can always charm his way back to love.

Colin Firth: 53 Grayshott, Married
Another one who needs no description. A man whose played Darcy in period accurate clothing (in that infamous white shirt) to a modern version of the same character in "Bridget Jones's Diary" that boyish charm is to precious and he's been married to his wife for ages, a very sexy quality. This man just seems to get better and better with age! Oh ya the "King's Speech" was pretty much a masterpiece of acting- did I mention he can sing to mamma mia he's amazing.

Jude Law: 41, Lewisham, Divorced
The British bad boy you don't want to love but you really just can't help it... bad for his wives good for us. He's been in 52 imbd credited and movies- yes 52 I just counted! I like him for one of the most ridiculous movies he ever made- Alfie - haven't seen it? well no one else has either. It doesn't even matter whether he takes on the heartthrob or the weird creepy guy he masters it all.

Matthew Macfadyen:39, Norfolk, Married
Another Darcy makes this list. A more sensitive take in the film he did an amazing as Mr Darcy in "Pride and Prejudice" (sexy, reserved britishness is paramount for that role). He also used that same skill set to excel in "Anna Karenina" and "Little Dorrit." He is softer and loveable and oh so adorable as Logan Mountstewart in the mini series "Any Human Heart" what can't he do? Not sure I still can't find anything.

Here is a list of films that contain more then 1 of these babeilicious Brits including:
 Bridget Jone's Diary
 Bridget Jones Edge of Reason
 Anna Karenia
 Cloud Atlas
 Love Actually
 Immortals

How to be the Luckiest Girl in the World

    
       So I often get annoyed when anyone on fb says " I'm the luckiest girl/guy in the world" example being "My best friend in the world just proposed to me I am the luckiest girl in the world" you know what I mean.... it can be obnoxious. What I don't like about that is that it implies that your happiness lies with and is controlled by someone else. As a Nichiren Buddhist I believe that only you yourself are in control of your own happiness. Everyday I chant and the rhythm of my chant connects to the mysticness of the universe and one of the prayers is to chant for protection (This will get less religious soon you just need back info promise). I do this everyday and can you give 3 key examples of how doing this has saved me from serious potential harm the 3rd story being the most recent/ reason for this post.

1) I was driving from MA to LA alone in a car filled with stuff. I wanted to go around this dessert loop called monument valley where there happens to be nothing for miles and no cell phone reception. As the sun set quickly I got nervous the blinding sun was in my face and I went into a very deep clay puddle. Before panic could ensue I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo 3 times and a truck with towing gear came over the ridge. I hadn't seen a car in hours and the guy was from Cali it was amazing! He pulled me out and made it all away around just as it turned pitch black.

2) I got 3 calls from my roomate in a row when I was at work. She text me "I think your car is leaking oil." I said no is the the ac fluid it's fine but still checked it before I drive home. Luckily I did because had I driven even a foot that engine would have ceased there was 0 oil in it (the light never went on). I was stranded and the cleaning guy who only speaks spanish and the security guard created a plan to drive me to a gas station to buy 4 quarts of oil to make it home. The car leaked the enitre way and eventually was towed to a shop and was essentially fine minus a loose oil plug (or something like that). The thing is Kate never parked in the back because it's my spot that day she happened to stop by for a minute and knew I wasn't there but that "coincidence" saved me and my car a lot of trouble.

3) I had a plan to hike up to the Hollywood sign on Christmas because it was something that I always wanted to do but never seemed to have any time. So on a day when literally only movie theaters and chinesse food places are opened I concluded it was THE day to go. What I didn't realize is that from my friend's house where there is an hiking trail and which is visually very close to the sign that it is still several miles away because there is about 9 big curves that you keep coming upon. Once you're there are 2 paths one that goes behind the sign and one in front. Well of course I wanted the both and that took another hour now the sun was seeting quick and I was still about an hours hike away from my car. I saw some local people and asked if I could take this other trail instead they told me that trail was for Beachwood Canyon and that I was parked at Brentwood Canyon an entire other canyon away..... in these moments my head screams panic but my heart says you will be okay. So I put my headphones on and determined to make it back safetly chanting under my breath for safety. Then after a minute or so the family yelled "Brentwood girl brentwood girl do you want a ride?" See these people lived right at the hollywood sign and were on a leisurly "neighboorhood" evening stroll dog and all. So we left the trail and went on their street and they drove me. The sister of the guy was like don't worry he works for the mayer as a Mom herself she said "I would have been worried sick about you getting back safe all night." I chanted in my head the entire way there that my car would not be locked in there because the gate close at susnet and now it was well past it. I was thanking my lucky stars (weird saying) when it was open and they dropped me off.  I was such a frazzled mess.

Note the cool sunglasses

        Starving thirsty and exhausted I then went to Ralph's and home as I walked in my door I realized I didn't have my Fendi sunglasses. This is the only expensive designer item I have bought from Bloomingdales and even then I got it for 20%-20%-20% and $25 off making a 250 dollar pair of sunglasses significantly cheaper always with the intention of making them my new prescription sunglasses (my current frames cracked because they were 5 years old) I frickin panicked rushed back to Ralphs and they weren't there then I put some logical thought into I would have had to take them off my shirt to put a seat belt over my chest so they MUST be in that guys car. Well it was 7 by this time and I had movie plans plus I had to intention of trying to find a house or drive in the hills at dark.
      The next day I get dressed and after double checking every inch of my car with no luck decided to drive to the area in an attempt to re-find this house. If you have ever driven in the hills it's an extremely tight windey conglomerate like mess. It took 45 minutes but I finally found what I thought was their house. I knock on the door and lets just say it was not their house and I'm pretty sure the house of an actor. He informed me the only couple on the block was the house next door on the right- he thought I was insane but whatever if I have to go knock on the random doors of rich people to get my sunglasses back so be it. They wern't home but after talking to a guy doing work on the house I confirmed by vague descriptions it was indeed the family who helped me and I left a note on there door. It was a chance in hell but hey a girl has got to what a girl has got to do.

That's there house behind me and yes I was that excited to find it!

Note proximity to sign

     I chanted for a long while that somehow my glasses would be returned to me. Later that day I received an email from Dave saying "Hi Shannon: Unfortunately I didn't see your sunglasses in the car.  Should I come across them I will give you a call. Happy New Year.  -David" Must hold back tears was my thought. I finally had a new prescription I got when I was home and money from my godmother for Christmas. I then had a long chat with a friend which made happy/ realize that I shouldn't rely be so caught up on the material aspect of them. I was thankful to be safe and fortunate that I had been brought safely to my car  I had also thanked the universe for protecting me. In my heart I still had a feeling so I wrote David saying "David Thank you so much for the email. It wouldn't be such a big deal but they are the most expensive thing I've ever bought and was going to put a prescription in them this week :( If you do come across them let me even if its months from now haha! Have a fantastic new year" Because I wanted this rich guy to know how important they were to me and it wasn't like I could just get another pair but secretly hoping he would look again. I even posted on fb that was still time for a Christmas miracle.
    Now it was today and I was in limbo thinking of if I should re purchase the same pair since it's discount time or get a cheaper pair- I decided to wait. Today at 2:24 my phone rang with restricted on it I had a feeling in my gut it was David but I let it go to voicemail mostly because whatever he was going to say would probably result in me crying. Well needless to say he found them under the front seat! He's going away till Sunday but I can get them then. How aaaamazing is that? I didn't give up hope and I was sincere in my wish. Not only was I protected on Christmas but the universe also brought me back my sunnies- i'll admit it I jumped up and down and danced.
     So you may be asking yourself "Hey this post promised to tell me how to be the luckiest girl in the world" and well I will...... Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Chanting it will not necessarily get you exactly what what you want in the way you think you want it but will help you have the tools to tap into the mystic way the world works.  If you need any more proof just take a look at my life :) ~S~

Ps: Sunglasses are the only designer item that is also beneficial for your well being aka protecting your eyes which is very important in a land where it is sunny every day! 

Girls in their 20's

So I was told I would like the new HBO Show Girls but it's almost too much like my life to be interesting...however it has introduced me to some good music and I enjoy that not all the girls are super thin and traditionally pretty. The thing about your 20's is of course you are broke because well who knows what they actually want to be doing and if you do it's most likely out of reach. You are also bound to fall for the shitest guys you can find ya know the one who uses you and never calls I think maybe by 30 we'll get over this one. There's also that nagging feeling of shouldn't I be further along then I am at this point? but the truth is not really you are still young and have years to figure stuff out. I also think it's a time to learn from your mistakes and to make mistakes because hell if your doing the same damn thing at 40 it's kind of pathetic. Basically the show just confirms everything I already know/experience as a girl in my 20's. One of the songs on the show has the following lyrics:
(BTW the girl singer's name is Shannon)
 I make the same mistakes
 Feels like I never learn
 Always give way too much
 For little in return
 I haven't changed a bit
 I’m still not over it
 I make the same mistakes
 I make the same mistakes
 Listen to it here: If you read my blog you know one of my current goals is to stop making the same mistakes JBRown pointed out maybe I should stop falling for people that have no interest in dating me (Point JBrown)so what if my favorite guy at work happens to have a live in girlfriend he nicknamed me Massachusetts lol and my other super hot coworker pulled an elaborate prank on me today sure he drives 3 hours to visit his girl whatever but I'm learning I swear I'm learning! The broke factor well I don't have that figured out in the slightest either. However I do know what I want to be doing so I just have to work harder on the steps to get there. Dear Girls show writer also the main character (2nd point JBrown) you should write me as the 5th eccentric LA girl who brings in the sunny optimistic perspective!~S~

"My Type" Over Time

One of the first question almost any gathering of new girlfriends brings up is "what's your type?" I've noticed that my type has definitely gone through distinct changes. In middle school I was all about the jocks. It's the typical South Hadley way and I was a cheerleader so it seemed natural. Once I got to high school musicians became my thing. At PVPA the hottest coolest kids would rarely go to class and play guitar on the lawn or steps. In college I was attracted to nerds. The kid at the end of the hall who stuttered and blushed when he talked to girls was my crush. Theater geeks are a whole kind of unique nerd and that covered the rest of college. When I was exploring the world and afterwards I became so intrigued by intellectual types. Guys who are smart, educated, and can hold a conversation about a variety of topics is a super big turn on. Now in LA I found myself rarely getting to even interact with straight men regardless of what type they may be. Most men out here are one of these 3 types: actors aka selfish, writers aka self involved, townies aka no motivation. Is it too much to ask for a little substance?

I think this is funny and only slightly relates to the blog post

In 2025 I'll Be...

Today my curious thought while brushing my teeth was where will I be in 2025 and what will I be doing? Why 2025 you ask?? Well that is the estimated year I will have re paid my student loan on a happier note i'll be 38 and be well established in my adulthood. I just finished watching the Masterpiece theater 4 part mini series Any Human Heart which is a book written by an author about a fake author via "his diaries." The Book/Film cover this whole man's life and they really hammer in the continuity and themes ones goes through throughout their life. So I allowed myself a temporary lapse in only focusing on the present to hypothesize about what my future existence will be like in 13 years. I will be an actress hopefully in features but also doing side indie projects where I can act my own script or direct/act like Zach Braft. I hope to have a partner someone who is sharing my life equally and always going on adventures with me. By 2025 I hope I have been to Alaska, Hawaii, Greece, Australia, Germany, and Japan and had my travel journals published into a book. I will have one love song, novel, and poem dedicated to me. I will have the kinds of friends who have been there for me almost 4 decades of my life and remember all the fights and the good times. My family will be even larger because I'm sure by that time all my girls cousins will have several kids. I will be living in one the beach towns out here so I can see the ocean every morning and fall asleep to crashing waves every night. Maybe I'll even be pregnant with one adopted child and a set of twins of my own. My home will be filled with pictures and treasures I have collected from around the world. My bed will have a frame and not be on the floor along with a closet that will contain all of my shoes. I will have inspired people to follow their dream and have entertained them in the process. I would have contributed to society in away that is beneficial and helpful to future generations. I will have lived my days truthfully and gratefully full of appreciation and wonder...sounds good to me 2025 here I come ~S~

Classic Hollywood in a Modern World

Maureen Aruther 1967

When people think of "Hollywood" certain iconic images come to mind. Of course the sign, the walk of fame, red carpets etc.. I also like to think of classic Hollywood where stars arrived to premieres in Rolls Royces and wore evening gloves al la Grace Kelly. There is a certain air of sophistication, elegance, and charm during that era. Over the holidays I had the pleasure of meeting this amazing women Maureen Rouben. Now she is very old but still has a smile and spark that will blow you away. I spent about an hour, which in the retail world is an eternity, talking to her about acting and life (I was smitten). She said literally the most mind blowing thing about acting and reality that I can't for the life of me even remember a part of now. It was like I was so engaged in the moment and intrigued by her stories I forgot all about all the Christmas chaos around me. When I got home I immediately googled her but came up blank. Last week she came in again with her assistant we chatted a bit more and she told me how concerned she is for the state of the world. It was interesting to me because it's not something that comes up often at work but I asked her what's on her mind so she told me. She almost had tears in her eyes at how she feels the world is going in such a dangerous direction. I also added her and the assistant to my Client book because we have to have clients (people who visit us at least twice) and they had shopped with me back in December (score for keeping my job). Now this part sounds creepy but I was doing it out of my general curiosity about her. When they go in your book you can then see basic information about someone like their address. This time when I went home I just typed her name and the area she lives in. I found numerous articles about her husbands death which also is turned mentioned her career. Like any true actress Maureen Rouben is her real name but not her "stage" name duh!!! it's Maureen Arthur. Well once I had that I could finally learn things about her career (thanks IMDB) like that until the 90's she was a steady working actress and singer most know for her role in How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying. Wow I was floored! Clearly from the moment I met her I was enchanted so I assumed she once was someone not to mention most 70 years olds aren't still shopping in my store with assistants. I find her to be completely inspiring she is so old (how can you say that nicely??!?!!?) but yet her feistyness and spirit are so young. She is an entertainer through and through and always ends up saying something that cracks me up. I thought about this classic hollywood starlet and how she fits into this modern world. Too old to work but still full of life, concerned about the affairs of the world even if she's so frail she can barley walk. This juxtaposition just bewilders me and I am truly in awe. I want to be that amazing and that engaging at 78 I want to have a smile that says i'm strong and mischievous and eyes that could tell a million stories. Today was the third time I saw her. I brought up that I had looked into her career, her face lit up, the hollywood smile came out, and she giggled. I saw the passion in her face the same look and feeling I have when I preform. For a minute I made her happy by bringing up her cherished past it was such an honest sincere moment. It may seem silly but I feel like she's impacted my life in some way I can't quite describe... maybe it's inspiration~S~

Reflections at the 6 Month Mark

It's official I have been in Los Angeles for 6 months now- which is half a year in the grander scheme of things. It is literally unbelievable to me. Sometimes I think I have done much and taken so many steps in being here. Some days I feel like I have done nothing considering how little I am doing in terms of anything artistic or worthwhile. I had a lot of ideas of what it would be like- I knew it would be hard but I'm finding it's harder in ways I didn't anticipate like the immense loneliness and lack of genuine human interaction being  the biggest deterrent. It's inspiring in a way that's hard to explain but every "typically hollywood" thing makes me ecstatic. Like being in the surroundings of something amazing makes you feel amazing too. Sometimes I wonder if people think about me like I think about them or have they forgotten me? What is life like when someone is no longer in it?When I first got here everyone the first 6 months is hell it's still hard after that but the first 6 are the worst. So cheers to surviving 6 and here's hoping for  6 more!

HOW I almost MET Jason Segel (not your mother)

The Den

It had the makings of a great night...it was Maria's (my favorite co worker and close friend) birthday celebration at the Den in Hollywood. Erica and I were late because well it's LA and you have to look good, and drive far, parking etc.. Needless to say when we finally got in the place it was alive with young adults living it up. Per my usual game plan I did a lap to see if there were any attractive straight men about...after a few minutes I resigned to sitting on the patio next to the fire pit. These 3 drunk guys were repeatedly having this stupid conversation :
Idiot 1: "Jason Segel man"
Idiot 2 : "who is that"
Idiot 3: "ya know the guy from that movie the tall one"
Idiot 2: "From the office"
Idiot 1: "no the one from the movie with that blonde girl"

this went on for several minutes I had to jump in considering they could not actually name a single Jason Segel anything A- HOW I MET YOU MOTHER! B- The Muppets just came out C-Forgetting Sarah Marshall.. the puppet musical!! D- I love you, man all this I could spurt out in 5 seconds. I was not drunk so I did have a bit of an advantage. Either way Idiot 2 still had no clue and the conversation went another direction. 10 minutes later this comes up again when I hear "Damn he's gone now" I ask whose gone? Idiot 1 "Jason Segel" ... picture me mouth agape staring with dagger eyes. I come to find out Jason was at the table one over from the Idiots. He had been there the whole time and I hadn't noticed why cruel god of fate and the universe did I not see him?!?!? What was the point of my lap- maybe I should wear my glasses for the initial intell and then take them off??? boooooo. I began to think what I would say "Hey Jason I think you're fantastic and super funny, not to mention tall which is super sexy, do you like fries? I have some fries we could share, do you date civilians? do you want to date me? did I mention I think you're super sexy and funny...just saying" I imagine it would have gone something like that. On a more serious note my plan would have involved falling- it's something I am totally capable of and he's a good guy I'm sure he'd catch me..or I'd fall on my face start bleeding and he'd feel obliged to help. Anyways he was gone and I had wished I could have made had more sense of the drunk Jason ramblings earlier on. I preceded to have fun danced with some Swedish guys and overall had a fantastic evening. Sure a kiss under those white twinklings lights next to the fire pit with Jason's arms around me would have been nice but after that moment my heart said "you'll see him again" so if anyone has any good lines let me know- I'm thinking singing "I would walk 500 miles and I would 500 more just to me the girl who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door"....that might do the trick.

Finding Love in LaLaLand ?!?!

Je vois la vie en rose

As Nora Wilder says in the movie Broken English "I think I must be doing something horribly wrong, but I don't know what it is." Of course she is talking about men and I think every girl (probably every guy too) thinks this at some point in their life. Another quote that also keeps coming to mind is "Je vois la vie en rose" or "I see life in rosy hues" a famous French song sang by Edith Piaf about how being so completely in loves changes the way you see the world.  Sure this week I was hit on but does the guy at the dmv and the one opening my new bank account really equate to romance??? I think not. There is something about dating in LA that is even more daunting then dating back home. Mostly because everyone here is very much self involved and has this "I'll do something for you only if you do something for me" kind of mindset. I met one guy,Alex, in line for a show taping of Craig Fergueson. I was mostly interested because he had this crazy beard and it reminded me of someone I missed. However after a few witty banterish texts it was clear he had no intentions of dating me -subtext saying- 'I only want sex.' I struck up a conversation at this private bar party with a local guy named Sean, who seemed great. He said "Your really interesting and great but I have to get back to my friends."A half hour later, and one awkward interaction later, I was talking to his "friend" a 6'0" model who literally said "Do you think I should sleep with him? He's short" I replied "Well he is nice..." This town defies all logic when it comes to anything "normal" so why would dating be different? Before I had only one "rule" about dating...DON'T DATE ACTORS so right there that cancels out almost everybody in this city! I briefly considered amending this rule after meeting Michael Welch from twilight because he was helping the children with no drinking water and had an adorable smile and he graciously put up with my drunken flirting for 20 minutes... then again you can never trust an actor (hence why the rule was instated). I now have a second rule don't fall in love with people who don't love you... it sounds easier then it is- really a lot can be learned from the book He's Just Not That Into You. Also in Broken English a random guy Nora meets at a bar says, "Most people are together just so they are not alone. But some people want magic. I think you are one of those people." Personally I have never been one to settle and certainly I do love a little magic and therefore that line has stuck with me over the past 2 days. So as I sit here listening to the falling rain (probably one of the most romantic sounds) and typing I am left to wonder about if and when love will ever come my way. Believe me I am a strong independent lady so if it doesn't I have another life plan of being a legendary film actress who lives her life with no commitments and I think that would suit me just as well ~S~

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