The 48 hour "A-List" Okcupid Experiment

*Please note there are 5 sections to this post: the inspiration, the rules, the experiment, the results and the aftermath. Feel free to skip parts especially the rules which mostly just describes how okcupid and it's features work  

 The Inspiration:  
           I go back and forth between being utterly fascinated/intrigued/confused about how we date in
modern times and being so disgusted by the state of it all I'd rather become a hermit. Recently Facebook (international social networking site) and Okcupid (international dating/hookup site) have both admitted to running experiments on their users--- unbeknownst to them. This "data" is suppose to "enlighten" the companies about the behaviors and patterns, of the individuals who use their site. As a psyc minor and a human who is fascinated by people these experiments seem interesting but my concern is that it is being done without the user's permission.
      The facebook study states "Data from a large real-world social network, collected over a 20-y period suggests that longer lasting moods (e.g. depression, happiness can be transferred through networks) When positive expression were reduced people produced fewer positive posts and more negative posts; when negative expressions were reduced, the opposite pattern occurred. These results indicate that emotions expressed by others on Facebook influence our own emotions, constituting experimental evidence for massive-scale contagion via social networks." So without its users being aware/notified facebook was essentially intentionally altering peoples moods.The legal trouble comes in because it seems like not all committees and proper practices were followed during the research. They also note that as a daily practice, by using their algorithm, they decide out of an average 1,500 pieces of potential timeline posts what to display and what to hide. Click here if you want to learn how to shut off fb tracking your location and what you look at after leading their site.
       Many users have decide to experiment on facebook back. In this case a guy liked EVERYTHING on facebook but he quickly found a dramatic increase in adds. This continued until his entire feed was only facebook driven material and nothing from actual people he knew. The author also noted "By the next morning, the items in my News Feed had moved very, very far to the right." Another experiment did the exact opposite by liking nothing for 2 weeks. She noted "I actually felt pangs of guilt over not liking some updates, as though the absence of my particular Like would translate as a disapproval or a withholding of affection." I am truly fascinated by how this one Internet tool can, if we allow, impact our lives so strongly. 
       In defense of the current facebook ethical scandal Okcupid posted a cheeky commentary  on how it applies user data and research on their site. The main difference is they are constantly showing the users these tests. I've read maybe 3 or so in the past few years (remember i'm fascinated/intrigued/confused about modern dating). One thing the study points out that based on data "your picture is worth that fabled thousand words, but your actual words are worth…almost nothing."As well as this gem "When we tell people they are a good match, they act as if they are. Even when they should be wrong for each other."

       The site's famed match % algorithm is the basis for "compatibility" but I believe you can't truly judge that by numbers. For instance when looking at a user's page I rarely if ever look at match percentage because it's never proven helpful. A 74% match rating for a guy I dated when we have a ton of stuff in common and get along great seems pretty low. The irony is immediately after reading the article explaining why these experiments are good and interesting I logged on to the site and it offered me a free trial of their "A-list" which is their paid enhanced version of the site. Yes part of me thinks the cookies or something showed I read the article and it wasn't just coincidence.
      To help you understand how the A- list would change the site from how one would normally browse it the quickest way is to see the "benefits."
Which include:
- Advances search options: attractiveness, personality, body type (folks I am not kidding here)
- The ability to browse anonymously (no one will know you are looking at them unless you choose to click a button and let them know)
- See which users like you (normally you can only see who likes you if both parties rated each other high in this case you see everyone who likes you even if you haven't rated them)
- Message Filters where you can block messages that are too short, contain certain words, or the sender's level of attractiveness (again folks I am still not kidding)
- The ability to see when someone has read the message you sent
-No ads, username change, and 5,000 message inbox vs 300 with an unpaid account

I rolled my eyes and thought "oh sure so you can collect more information about how I use your site and respond to these A-List features. Then in a flash of sudden maniacal thinking I came up with he idea of doing my own experiment. I couldn't come up with a theory that could in any way cause damage to the system but I thought let me try to use these free bonus features to 100% potential over the next 48 hours and really see if something, if anything, will come of it.

The Rules:
Object: To see if A-List features enhance my chances of finding a match
Goal: Have one person of interest ask me on a date (defined as a specific location, day, and time)
Time Frame: 48 hours
Perimeters- Age: 26 to 34  Gender: Male    Distance Up to 25 miles   Must have been online in the past month

First let me explain how “traditional” OkCupid exchange happens based on my experience.

1- you must be interested enough to click on the user in order to see their profile
    a. At any given time you will see three users on the side and similar users to the profile you are currently viewing on the bottom. To even pick one from a 2 cm picture would already show a basic interest in them visually.

2-  you must be interested enough to either rate them on okcupid’s five star rating system or send them a message.
     a. If I think the person is attractive and I can pull anything in the profile worth commenting on a band, shared interest, similar life goals or philosophy I will send them an individualized message if not I will send something generic “what’s your favorite spot in LA" and if they barely sparked a chord I will rate them with no message.

3- If both parties like each other (aka clicked a high star rating) a message will be sent notifying them (in the case of A- list you see who likes you regardless). Someone must send the first actual words to get things going
    a.Sometimes at this point you get direct messages I want to take you out or I want to fuck you.  Smarter messages tend to ask you about your interests or explain something about their personality.
    b.The more messages exchanged the more interest is shown.

4-Exchanging phone numbers or personal contact info. I’ve heard some people never do this and only use the app till they met someone in person. Since I do not have a smart phone this not a possibility for me.

Note: the next few points are my mode of operation and probably not every users

5-after exchanging numbers I send a few texts back-and-forth. If after 10 texts I’m not completely bored and want to kill myself I will consider meeting them in person. Surprisingly usually within 10 texts or 5 messages on the site I will 100% definitively know if i'm interested in meeting or not.

6-Then a date would be planned and both parties and go out have a great time.

To fully complete this six step process has happened successfully three times for me (previous to experiment). I have had five planed dates three of which have never happened including canceling on me 30 minutes beforehand. That does not include the dozen or so numbers that I’ve gotten that were purely ended up being invitations for hookups or resulted in not elicited nude photos.

The Experiment:
To start off the experimental 48 hours I first checked out some of the A-list user features.

         Searching by Attractiveness: One of the best features was that you could search by a users level of attractiveness. A five-star user  has been rated by other users as “highly attractive” by searching only for "5 star users" I had only beautiful people before my eyes. People who are rated highly attractive get an email from OkCupid letting them know that they are considered an attractive user by general average star ratings. These users get to see more attractive people that aren’t open to the general population of the site. If you get rated low 3 stars or less you would never know that there is a higher level of attractive users on the site. I only know this because, years ago, I got the email alerting me that I have now been selected as part of this group. It comes with a bit of a shock because you don’t know that such a category even exist within the site and also it’s a bit of an ego boost. Having the potential to only search by five-star users gives you the key benefit of only seeing more attractive people.
        In true experimental fashion, covering my bases, I also checked out the four-star users. They were slightly less attractive but nothing too shocking. I did however notice a drastic difference when I clicked on three-star users these people were more homely, had mis shapen faces, or had odd pictures up. Continue by then looking at the females as well. The five-star users often have very sexy profile pictures with cleavage or pouty lips showing. Whereas the three-star users didn’t have make up had facial features that were disproportionate to the rest of the face etc the worst being the ones who were “trying” to look sexy but fell a little short.
      In my 5 star search I very quickly, within 3 rows, came across Roger (if he ever reads this he will appreciate that specific pseudonym). He is 1 of 3 individuals that made it through all 6 of the previously mentioned steps. I feel like our 74% match rating doesn't give the fun we had justice but c'est la vie. Since he was searchable in the 5 star category that meant Rodger was rated by other women highly too. That wasn't too surprising to me but what it did do was immediately make me question my already constructed ideas about who he is. I doubted myself is there something I missed did I let a rare gem go? Even though our goals in a relationship are completely different right now should I reconsider? I text him...I admit it... then I made myself remember... what do you want? is Roger that right now? (as opposed to future him or him of a year ago). The answer is NO and as much as I imagined this loved filled utopia as our potential utopia it always comes back to the fact we want different things.

        Viewing Profiles Anonymously: It's so clear why being able to look at users profiles without them knowing is a key bonus when navigating this A-List version of the site. It's why people "stalk" their exes on facebook. We are all modern day voyeurs into each others lives while still maintaining the distance of a virtual world that feels safe to us. For the first few hours I didn't even use this feature because I wanted people to see I looked at their pages which would increase my odds of getting asked out. But then it hit me..... I could look at all the profiles of people who I had dated, had gone MIA in communication, or really hot guys who I didn't want to know I was looking at their page again. I often after texting a user for awhile will look at their page to see if actually matches the person who I know. It rarely does. I'm sure my page, as truthful as I've tried to be, doesn't convey "me" accurately because it's all self perception.
         I found it entertaining to read the questions on these pages of Roger's and other pages now that I know them. How your answers correspond is partly how they get your match % is the first place. Example: "what's more important in keeping a relationship alive. Passion or Dedication" He picked passion I picked dedication maybe that 74% was more accurate then I think. In terms of needing this feature in the long term it doesn't seem necessary. In this regard since how often would I need to look at old profiles to help me write a blog anyway?
         It did however help me not show users whose pages I visited and immediately regretted once it was clicked on. A teeny tiny picture you click on turns into a page where the first line is "I don't date actresses, vegetarians, or red heads" well that is me in an nutshell so..... Clearly a match is not going to happen there so why even let them know you were there. I often get messages and can tell from the photo the person is not someone I would be into (yes that's judging on looks alone) but part of me wonders who are these people who just ask to fuck? who ask you if you like to be spoiled? what do their profiles say? who raised them to be like that? is it society? So this A-List feature allowed me to do that without letting them think I was interested.
         I once got a message which seemed okay so I looked at the profile and quickly became not interested after the bathrooms selfies and gym pics. I didn't say anything thing but I also forgot to delete the message. He wrote saying something along the lines of "you come checkin out my page but don't say nothin? you don't see anything you like." I didn't delete that message so a few weeks later the same things happens again. This time I remind myself delete all unwanted messages. I almost never respond to 90% of the messages I get but I become so disinterested that I actually try to wipe them from my brain and don't think to delete it. This is where the ghost feature comes in handy!

       Checked Messages: This feature will put a little check mark next to a message you have sent if it has been read. Sure that seems pretty great you get to know if they've been on etc. What I found was for me I didn't like knowing- it killed the hope. If I don't know one way or the other (how the unpaid version works) that means they might not have read it and they still may contact me back. Once you know they've read your message and haven't replied to you that pretty much kills it- they're not going to write you- they are not interested- the end. Then again one guy read my message 3 days ago and then wrote me a lengthy response, sometimes it really is just timing. One guy kept responding to my questions with one word answers. I was like "dude why are you doing that" he was all "i'm at work." I said "well maybe you should respond when you have a bit more time to respond properly" he retorted "why are you being a bitch i'm working." If you can't make the time in life to be a human and respond nicely then you have no business dating anyone- it takes time and manners.

11,705 Views in a 24 hour period!

The Results:
       Data Data Data: Overall with the A-list you get a lot more information about the users you are looking at. You can see more about someone, choose how much you choose to reveal, and search more efficiently to maximize your chances.They certainly are benefits that "help" you out on your search. Personally the $ necessary to keep these feature wasn't "worth" it to me even though it's pretty cheap.
       Messages: I sent out aprox 80 messages in those 2 days and re-looked at the profiles of the people I sent messages to in the past 4 months.  I got aprox 20 responses in varying degrees of communication from "hey" to 4 full paragraphs going into detail about out shared likes.
      Ratings: I found that 1 out of ever 4 people who viewed my profile rated me highly. This was information I hadn't previously seen because I could only see "mutual" high rating. I was shocked I think 25% average is pretty good 1 in 4 men are highly attracted to me- good to know. It also made me want to click their picture the idea that knowing someone wants you makes you want them more. However once rereading their profiles I almost never did anything about it but I did give them a "second look" so to say.

           Okcupid Data

      Dates:  I did have one guy within the 48 hours ask me out with a specific time/day/location. However after that the following "10 make or break texts" he failed. We were bonding over are shared love of Moonrise Kingdom and he explained he wanted to be Sam for Halloween. He then got really into detail by saying "maybe if we meet on Saturday and hit it off you can be my Suzy." Hypothetically Sam and Suzy is a really cute/original couples costume.... but I haven't even met this guy. I said something like "we'll have to see" he replied "I want you to be my suzy will you?" Now for anyone who knows the part of my personality named "Suzy" the irony in that question tickled me deeply. It got weird quick and I gracefully made an exit- no actual date taking place.
        However the next day (technically after the 48 period) I got asked on another date. We did indeed meet that Friday at the French Market Cafe right by my apartment. He was super gracious in waiting for me because I was coming straight from a meeting. We shared a strawberry crepe and had wine. It was pretty frickin precious. Luckily we had loads in common and the conversation flowed really well. Overall it was a fantastic date and great way to have some sort of "nice" conclusion to the rest of the BS that came along with this experiment.
      The Chat: I am now going to show you the result of an actual text conversation that went down during the experiment time. Normally I don't engage to this degree to the bullshit but I was in experiment mode and decided to see how far I could take it.
We enter the conversation where I had just sent a picture of me in a silk robe I have but I was clothed. Its maybe 30 texts in.

Him: Why not open it up a bit more
Me: Hypothetically what would you do or say to be able to see it off?
Him: Anything’
        What can I do so you can show me more!!
Me: I meant thinking about showing more right now this is my “threshold line” until we meet
Him: Can I break that threshold line?
Me: What are you thinking?
Him: When am I going to see more
Me: I told you what I was on the site for I gave you a preview of what im really like the choice  is yours mister :) I hope you’re not mad I just know what I want!
Him: Haha its fine. They are just pictures


* I put the phone down I had to walk away. I was cooking I tried to concentrate on cooking. At this point I was already so over the concept of meeting him in person but that line "they are just pictures" killed my gut. I thought "let it go... there's no reason to explain your point" the feminist in me was screaming! Tell him show him what he's doing is unacceptable. Now mind you this man's job is to oversee all aspects of video game production. So his livelihood is determined by emotional investment in images.

Me: Out of curiosity- someone showing you a picture of their naked body doesn’t mean anything to you because its just a picture?
Him: Well I appreciate their body
Me: In what way?
Him: How it looks, how they take the picture
Me: But hypothetically its still just a body/pose/etc there's no thinking/emotional connection to the image?
Him: I can't get an emotional connection from a picture
Me: What if its a picture of a thing you care about former lover pet etc?
Him: Doesn't really effect me
Me: That's really interesting! I would have guessed that someone whose job is reliant on people becoming emotionally invested in the success of moving images might think differently.
Is there a difference between the two?
Him: I guess. Im not sure
Me: From a female's perspective if were sending a guy who were interested in a picture its because we want to get them excited we want to turn them on and we want to feel sexy by knowing they think its hot- its never "just a picture"

I did get this "Shannon is the best" picture out of it

I was shocked the man basically just single handily proved to me what is a major problem amongst daters right now which is that we aren't seeing people as humans just as objects.
One more time for  the record here are some reasons why asking girls you haven't met yet for nude photos is just really uncool. Here are some bullet points about what that above conversation makes me think
-Stop seeing women as objects- this is how we become considered less then human and it's not okay.
-He's not offering me something of equal value in return. Why am I going to give you something that is special for nothing? I know you should only give when you don't expect something back but this isn't Christmas it's dating. The equal sharing is necessary to learn about each other.
-Expecting something for nothing. You expect me to just do all this stuff "just because." Yet the other person can be left feeling like they got nothing out of the exchange.
-The idea of continuing to push. When you make a boundary and someone refuses to listen to it that is not okay. This is how rape happens you say "no" they say "come on" and they keep pushing inch by inch until either you're so far from the boundary or your alone because they didn't want to wait.
- This is common: there is nothing special or particularly shocking about this conversation...it happens all the time. A- we let it B- it's become somehow socially acceptable
-My responsibility in this is not to engage in it anymore: I fully admit I did not stop the conversation and worst I intentionally provoked it to prove my point for this experiment.  
- Women want to feel wanted and sexy. There is tremendous power and validation in conversations like this but overall they do more harm then good. To have the will power to say "no I'm going to hold out for something better" can be challenging when we have needs too. 


The Aftermath:
      It has now been several weeks and while most of this blog was written then at the beginning of August -I was loathe to finish it. I continued to text/talk to about 5 of the guys from the experiment but every time my phone went off I was always hoping it was the same person. A guy who was not at all a part of the experiment but who I had also found on the site. Things didn't progress with the guy I had went on the date with. I became very jaded. To put forth so much effort and to have such little payout hardly seemed worth the time and energy. This is where people always say "what if." What if you had met your perfect match? What if you went on 10 dates? Then would it have been "worth it?"
     I think it was 100% worth it because I have a curious mind and wanted to try it out. I wanted to see if increased effort really mattered and it didn't. I usually get about 110 profile views a week and about 20 messages. So sure I did that same thing in a condensed two days but I think mathematically it hits a plateau where only so many people can see you and respond based on the number of people on the site at any given time and location. So that level of interest I don't think can me maintained over time unless you made it like a full time job.
       It also got me thinking about averages. Was I average or above? I became a little fixated on the idea of knowing is I was 4 or 5 stars (I had to be one of those because of that email). One day at the ocean I told Al about it. He was curious why I cared I said something about validation. He said something along the lines of "to the people who matter you're beautiful." I started doing research on averages for the site it makes sense that more attractive users get more views and messages. People self reported as "maybe 1 message a week and about 20 views " I'm guessing these are 3 star people. Then a large number reported, what I had noticed in my normal not experiment days, about 20 messages a week and about 110 profile views. It seemed through all the blogs and threads I read these 2 categories seemed to be the norm.
       I also came across this girl who changed her profile 5 times with completely different looks goth, vintage, no makeup, etc. She kept all the content the same but only changed the images. She got drastically different responses for each look but it seemed the most traditionally feminine picture had the most positive responses, there is a part of me that also wants to try that out.
      I do almost everything because I'm curious about the "how" and "why" of it all. The 48 hour experiment didn't prove anything groundbreaking in this revolutionary idea of discovering something. It did however help me further look at my objectives and how I go about dating. Overall it was more insightful for me to learn about myself then it was to learn about the okcupid community. About a week ago okcupid gave me a 24 hour countdown complete with ticker for their "special" return to A-List offer. Where I would get 5 free boosts for signing up and paying for A-list. Like it was some magic prize that could lead me to my one true match. I rolled my eyes the only experiment I want to be a part of, for awhile at least, is the one where I grow as a person.