For anyone who reads my blog even casually you know I've been trying to wrap my head around some of the biggest "trends" I see in the dating world. I use my personal experience along with stories from others, mostly girls, the occasional input from men, and random thing I come across on the web. There was never anything that more succinctly stated the state of the modern relationship conundrum then this video.
The Economics of Sex:
Of course there are some major flaws in this concept 1- They are only considering heterosexual relationships. 2- That all woman's ultimate goal is marriage. I think most people can agree there is a wide variety of other elements to consider but in this specific situation I found it to be alarmingly accurate. When the supply and demand aspects of economics is applied to relationships can we actually see where the contradiction lies?
I was blown away by an extremely devastating event that happened to a friend recently in her relationship. After years of living with and recently purchasing a dog with her boyfriend he cheated on her with a mutual friend of theirs. The shock wasn't about their partnership working out but about how he conducted ending it- basically by not. To be the person "leading" further commitment and then also be the person to withdraw completely soon after seems absurd to me.
The Cowards Way Out:
Take responsibility for what you want and don't want and just say it. The truth may seem painful but deception is ALWAYS worse in the end. Especially if you have spent years with someone (this person has shared their life and journey with you) I think you owe it to them to treat them with courtesy and respect. Not owning your action and words is the cowards way out- you're better then that don't do it.
Playing the 1/2 in 1/2 Out Game:
To continue to lead someone on because you are not sure what you want is unfair. You can be bold and say "I'm confused about what i'm looking for right now can we take a break?" or "I need time to figure out my intentions and I don't want to hurt you in that process I need space." Instead we play the half in half out game. I will give you some attention and keep you hooked but I'm also going to push you away and remain disconnected. This is causing more grief to both parties then in necessary. If you need time to reflect take it the honorable way.
Pigeon holing:
your my this -your my that- that individual is a whole person with a million facets to their being and personality. That's why humans are so beautiful because they are complex and amazing. To define someone in such a narrow way limits their potential and shouldn't we be trying to help everyone grown and learn as much as possible?
What makes anybody think a girl will get out of bed at 12 am without makeup, without being dressed, get in a car and drive to a strangers house to meet for the first time and fuck? I don't doubt it happens because otherwise I wouldn't be getting asked this as often as I do. That's not based on chemistry or connection or even lust it's basically a step below paid sex...... both people are essentially "paying for it" in different ways. Perhaps a moment of intimacy is one persons pay out and the other a moment of pleasure. I'm not judging it when 2 people consent to that but I'm curious what that does for everyone else.
I'm thinking of the people who want to meet someone in person before deciding if they would sleep with them or not. The people who want to be seen for other aspects of their personality and not just their sexuality. The people who may want something more tangible and less fleeting. If men can get sex by doing essentially nothing other then asking why would they try harder? I don't blame them I blame us for being so swayed by the tiniest morale of affection.
I don't hear from my girlfriends (i'm sure it happens with both sexes) "oh we went to the beach and we had a great time just talking and hanging out." I hear "We were going to go out and then I said i'm excited to meet you and then I never heard another word from him ever again" I am flabbergasted that a human can feel that it is okay to just disregard another person like that, like trash they no longer want. That the other human being is not even worth the common courtesy of a response. I get even more floured when PERSON A initiates the asking out PERSON B accepts and then PERSON A vanishes from the face of the earth. What happened there ?!?!? What are you thinking ?!?!? it leads me to believe they never even knew what they wanted in the first place.
How can people find out what they do and don't want in a potential relationship??? GO ON A DATE! That is the whole point! That's why courting has been going on as long as it has people want to discover/find out what they are looking for in a partner. Getting into bed with someone only really tells you one thing: if there good in bed or not. Going on a date on the other hand tells you an abundance of information. Yes it's scary trust me everybody is nervous before a date but that's why practice takes off the pressure.
Now this is as far as my experience goes but the same thing occurs in these "committed" relationships I hear. PERSON A: i've been serious about considering marrying you I may have even bought a ring PERSON B: great i totally love you and would marry you PERSON A: Let's break up I think i'm going date this girl in a band I saw once and marry her instead. Whaaaaat? If you don't know what you want then you will only hurt others later on by misleading them with your wishy washy demeanor. You should only enter into something serious with 100% conviction. You made a choice that this is the decision you're making. Of course life happened and sure things change, that's fine, but be aware of it and be honest about it from jump and we'll have a lot let broken hearted confused people out there!
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