Memory Revival

The other day I had this curious thought... it came about from another random thought about this movie Final Cut Robin Williams is in where everyone's memories are recorded but in one scene a person who is still living watches a clip of someone whose dead and they remember the exact moment in time completely differently. So I wonder if I could see how other people remember moments that influenced me so strongly if we would see the same thing. I really think I see the world in away most people don't from a perspective most people don't understand. It's primarily a feeling based memory if I do anything that holds a memory I automatically think of the last time I had a memory with that thing. For instance it happens with clothing I put on a dress and automatically think "the last time I wore this dress I was doing X". The same things happens with restaurants "the last time I ate here I was with X" and so for and so on really any tangible thing I could have any attachment to. It's like my brain is programmed to revert to memories and not just put on the dress and go without a thought. If your reading my blog you know I have been working on putting the past behind and moving towards the future as well as breaking bad habits. I think this memory revival brain pattern is just like a habit one that I get some kind of reward from so therefore I repeat the behavior subconsciously. I haven't figured it out completely yet like I said it was a random idea from a random thought mostly brought on by this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIEwhtUNTck

Dingle 2009

Dingle 2003

I actually became familiar with the photographer Irina Werning's work when I first moved to LA. Me, being the sentimentalist I am, LOVED the idea of recreating a photo from your childhood. I tried to do this when I was in Ireland the last time after a few minutes my Mom got frustrated with me she said "Shannon you can't recreate the past, just take a new favorite picture." I was mad in the moment but she was right. I think now I wasted 10 minutes of time trying to recreate something when I should have been enjoying 10 minutes of new memories since those were some of our last days together. Does it do us any good if someone remembers something differently or is better to just relish in our own memory the way we believe it to be?

Honin Myo

The Lotus Flower Booms and Seeds Simultaneously

So what does Honin Myo mean?!? This is one of my favorite Buddhist sayings...it means from this point on. Whatever happened is in this past from this very moment you will start  again looking towards the future. Holding on to my past  and the way things once were has always been a big issue for me. If you know me you know I use to over dramatize, romanticize, and generally lived in a self deluded mind set(still do to an extent???). Much of that changed when I became a Buddhist. I have a great quote hanging in my room that reads "Do not dwell in the past Do not dream of the future Concentrate the mind on the present moment." When my Mom died I saw how precious and short life really is. If I die at 48 from a rare cancer I want to know I lived every damn moment of my life to the fullest no regrets Non, je ne regrette rien. I want my life to have meaning and have been beneficial to others in some way. I want to be a film actress who inspires others to strive for and achieve their dreams. For the past 2 months I have been actively trying to go through my human revolution and take full responsibility for my current life state (poor, lonely, not acting, not respected) and change myself to in turn change my environment. This is a fundamental Buddhist idea that you are a reflection of your life and only you have the power to change your own situation. It's really hard for me to see people who always play the victim poor me, this always happens to me, etc etc I know my current situation isn't great but I am working to improve it and myself. I want people to know that I knew it would be hard coming out here alone and it turned out to be much harder then I anticipated but although it is taking more time then I wanted I am not giving up Honin Myo from this point on....~S~