Getting Smarter With Time

Have you ever looked back at a conversations that was written, emailed, video documented in some way several years after the fact with completely new understanding? First off you have to be crazy like me and have kept notes from middle school, old emails from crushes, or have a book of favorite text messages ( I use to have one lol my Mom split a jug of water on it then tried to save it by blotting out each page- at the time I was devastated but am glad that it no longer exists). Maybe 5 or so years later you can almost see the sub text of it because you are a little removed now. I recently read an entire friendship's worth of correspondence and it was like now I can truly see the nature of that friendship that I just could not see when I was living it. Of course as time goes on we learn things but we also repeat many of the same mistakes. What is the driving force behind changing that for yourself....that is the current philosophical question I am pondering.  What makes me at 25 smarter then me at 22 and what will me at 27 have learned?? I think the solution lies somewhere in making sure you work on your self in a reflective way and follow your passions. We have the power to make better choices once we become aware. The last year I kicked some really bad habits and I "have to admit it's getting better getting better all the time" I also believe there is a Beatles lyric for everything.....
PS I know smarter is not a "real" word but becoming more smart with time just did not seem like a good title no matter how correct it is 

Breast Cancer: Awarness VS Profit

So in case you didn't know my Mother died of a rare form of breast cancer called triple negative breast cancer.  I am such a strong advocate for breast cancer awareness, finding a cure, and promoting women's health in general. What i'm not a fan of is the use of the cancer as commercial profit for companies. Like a Valentine's display or summer set up mid September hits and the Breast cancer stuff begins to appear like it's on some retail calender. Not only is it a continual reminder for me of the way she died ( I prefer to remember her as the strong amazing woman she was) I feel like it degrades the struggle that every women who has been afflicted with this disease went through or is currently going through. Many products have a 2% of the profit of this item goes to Breast Cancer Awareness........ really is there a foundation called "breast cancer awareness"? (update there's a website but it a vague statement regardless) If packaging says 2% goes to Susan G Komen for a Cure that mean something to me.. a real foundation that impacts the community and continually is fund raising to find a cure for breast cancer. Since I recently got a cash back credit card I have become very aware of how long it takes 2% to add up to anything remotely measurable. However the amount of profit for these mug companies still greatly outweighs any donation. Even my favorite brand of chips puts a pink label on for October. I do think there are some benefits..... maybe every time a women sees a breast cancer mug she'll remember to do a self examine. Maybe every time they use their pink pen at work they'll think of the struggles so many women have endured. Maybe one day a young girl or boy will see that display and ask "what's breast cancer?" then grow up to be the scientist who finds the cure... but for now make sure you really look at the product your buying this October and try to remember the awareness aspect of this upcoming month and not it's commercial value.


This chic agrees with me http://feministatsea.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/october-breast-cancer-fest/

3 Reasons Why Dating and I Do Not Get Along

So after my pseudo date the other night I was left wondering what it is that makes me so repealed by the whole dating thing... you gotta find out what the problem is before you can find a solution right???
1) I find it really challenging to trust anyone with a penis. After the years of hearing all this shit my friend have put up with/dealt with combined with my family situation I'm left wondering why people put themselves through it when if you're strong and secure you can totally be happy alone. There are only 2 straight men in this world I trust and both of them are barely in my life right now. Does fidelity exist? I wonder what a happy healthy relationship looks like in real life?
2) I am one of the most loving caring people you will EVER meet and i'm super emotional/passionate when it comes to "feelings." I can't not say how I'm feeling- my inner truth is always bursting to be unleashed. If im happy im exhilerated, sad im boaderline inconsolable, angry... well let's just say you DON'T want to see me angry. So I can't just put my emotions aside and let it be because I will end up heartbroken and wondering how I got so deep so quick....damn feelings :)
3) I can't distance myself from a person and just "wait and see." It's not my style - I can't seem to follow that rule. I have had some really amazing dates over the years but one night then no contact for several months seems pointless. Like what is the point of having this awesome time if you won't see that person for a few months, or a year, or possibly ever again. For instance one of the best nights I ever had ever in Bath with this guy Ben who never called I feel like those dates disappear into this love cloud somewhere in the sky where love goes to dissipate. I want my love to stay right here with me in my heart. Working to find the balance between self love and outside relationships = challenging!


PS just wanted to share the definition of this because it was literally exactly how I felt and I love finding the perfect word to describe how I feel:

pseudo: adjective: almost, approaching, or trying to be.          LOL

 

Types of Friends

So I was talking to my "friend" last night about the types of friendships we have in life. I brought it up because he and I have been friends for 10 years now and that is the longest straight male friend I have (which only proves how little I like/trust straight guys in general lol). For instance we don't know everything about each other but when you've seen someone change and grow and develop over a long stretch of time you can see them in a different way:
1) The Friend of Many Years: "Ya I've know that kid since pre school" This is a friend who you've shared random great times with over the course of years. There may be concentrated times where you spent more time together but in general it's the occasional hang out and text messages. You can call this friend up for parties, when you're in town.
Now a step below the Friend of Many Years is the Acquaintance:
2) The Acquittance: "It's so good to see you what have you been up to since high school?" This is the kind of person you are totally happy to see when they come across your path. There is usually little to no attempts at hanging out but when the universe creates it the whole thing is very pleasant. You may share common interests or other friends you may say "we should totally hang out" but you will NEVER actually call that person to hang out.You can call this friend for the high school reunion or to return that hat you love they borrowed 2 years ago.
3) The Fun Friend: "There is going to be an awesome kegger on the beach you should totally come." This friend is THE person you want to go to when you need a night you will never forgot. They know how, when, and where to have the time of your life. They may kinda bail on your stuff and defeiently won't walk your dog but they will give you a night you will always remember or never remember depending on how good the night. You can call this friend for any thing you would deem epic.
4) The Situational Friend: "She was my best friend in College... I don't really see her anymore." We all have a bunch of these friends from the various points in our life. During that period of time you do everything together but once you graduate, move etc.. you will rarely ever speak to them again. They are your friend in that situation only. You can call them for that span of time and never again. 
5) The Close Friend: "I love her she's awesome we totally go to yoga every week together" This friend is someone who know most of your dirty secrets and still likes you. Many hours sipping tea and chatting have created a nice bond and if anyone ever asked you would swear your fondness for them. However this friend probably would forget your siblings name and might not know anything about your childhood but you can still count on them. You can call them for everything but the serious stuff.
6) The Best Friend: "I know this sucks but will you help me move?" You can depend on the best friend for pretty much anything. They will help you do the shit NO ONE wants to help anyone do or listen to shit NO ONE wants to hear for the billionth time you've said the woes of stupid shitty boyfriend- you listen because you care and they do the same a best friend is a solid friend. You can call this friend for almost anything and they will be there.
7) The Forever Friend: "We have been through everything together...even hell.. and I still love them" This is the person who is at your mother's funeral and sneaking in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for you. They helped you move 3 times and you probably spent at least one month not talking to each other at some point. You've fought made up and have gone through any conceivable situation together. You can count on them for pretty much anything and they will have your back till the day you die. You can call this friend anytime any hour, of any day, and they will always be there.

The Night I called the LAPD

So it started off like any other night at my new job... counselors, clients, and confusion. The night before my mentor deemed me ready to go at it alone and I was borderline terrified but pretty confident in what I knew so far. Well ya know how curiosity killed the cat?? It kinda started off like that there were 3 unmarked buttons... one was white, one was red, and one was white with a "do not push please" sticky note attached to it .... in an attempt to find the one that chimes to alert the counselors their clients were there (this was a new practice and something I hadn't been trained to do).... a girl Jamie and I decided to try them out. Well needless to say one is the chime, the red locks the door automatically from the desk(which we discovered when I client got stuck trying to exit the center), and the one that polity says do not push please is a silent alarm for the LAPD. Jamie and I joked that something would happen but when they actually walked in my mouth was agape and I was beyond embarrassed. It was a larger male cop and a younger pretty but diesel looking girl. The guy laughed and said he figured it was an accident he teased me a bit and laughed it off while I apologized profusely. The chic was pissed and gave me a "you're a stupid girl look" she literally walked out the door and the guy kinda followed. I turned to Jamie "Omg what am I going to do?!??!" thinking worse case get fired best case they would tell me to not do it again. A minute later I got a call from one of the staff asking if there was an emergency because our security was alerted when the police were alerted. I made Jamie promise to not tell a soul. However by the next day it was out and the head administrator called me to her office. FEAR FEAR FEAR I was petrified! Basically she explained at the same time I called the cops a crazed gunman killer was on the loose in the area I work in. She heard it on the radio driving home and when she got the call from security was convinced the crazed killer was at the center. She called me several times but I kept putting her on hold because it was the top of the hour (I just said hold please without waiting for a response) eventually she talked to Bob who said everything was fine. As she is telling me this story i'm listening for vocal tones of anger but if never came. Basically we talked about getting our security a walkie talkie so I could communicate with him and ways to make the center more safe/user friendly. All is well that ends well I guess (thank the universe!!)

How Barney Stinson Changed My Life

So if you're a How I Met Your Mother fan you might say that Barney is one of the most lovable yet deplorable characters on TV... the playbook anyone?!?!? However he has a fantastic life philosophy I think more people should follow:

Of course we all have times when we may be a bit sad because we had a shitty day or something is not going our way. If there's something i've learned over the past 25 years wallowing in sadness gets you nowhere. So whenever I get sad I stop being sad and just get more awesome instead.... and that's a true story. I do awesome stuff all the time because there is so much random things to do here- I mean watching movies in cemeteries is totally normal right? Also it helps to have fun friends who will do stuff like this:

Ya he taught us to be legendary too.... what a great man. Now one more for the road:

:)      :0        :)        :0       :)        :0        :)        :0      :)         :0       :)         :0       :)           :0          :)

Suit Up

Sometimes you just have suit up! SO FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER (since moving here) I have taken things out of the closet that have not been worn since I was a teacher... legit. At bloomies we can only wear black and in my department we have to wear a suit jacket. However we can be pretty wild with hair accessories, makeup, and nail polish. At SCCC I can wear color skirts whatever but have to be more conservative overall. It's such a breath of fresh air to be able to style and put together outfits. To most people that is probably not a big deal. However for a fashionista like me I feel like i've been released!!! It's like the best of both worlds and even thought i'll be doing a major wardrobe change every afternoon at least I can wear color again!!!

Dress the Fantasy

From the Magic Flute

I unsuspectingly came to work and walked into our hall with the white board saying "Dress the Fantasy" a couple random thoughts came to mind which I would not like to publish on the internet. 5 seconds later I forgot all about it until I was going up the escalator and I saw these 2 random elaborate costumes. From behind I thought they were something of Lady Gaga's because we were launching her new fragrance Fame in a few days (btw it's pretty decent and is the first perfume to actually spray on black before seeping into the skin). When I got to the top I actually saw that they were LA Opera costumes!  Each amazingly detailed work of art had a picture of the actor in the costume and the dates/title of the production. This is the stuff of my dreams... costuming is probably like my 2nd or 3rd biggest passion after acting (obviously) and my Irish heritage but it might be stronger then being Irish.. like I said 2 or 3. At first I was just in awe of the 2 amazing dresses at the top of the escalator but as I turned the corner to clock in at my sunglass bay I saw these beauties:

 They are phenomenal the detailing on the two dresses was breathtaking. The black dress has such a classic neckline and the beading is so elaborate! The white dress oozes sensuality and the draping creates this fantastic elongated form. I was in heaven then I noticed the jewels... a tiara, 20's style hat with a feather, rings etc more bling then any girl could dream of. In a whole other world of brocade heaven was this:

I had fantasies about fabric like this when I was making my dress for the Regency Ball in England but such a thing is hard to come by these days. I spent a good half hour not working and just soaking in the details. Why were these amazing costumes in a department store you may be thinking? We were having an LA Opera charity event at the store later that night. About 20 minutes after I forced myself to walk away another employee spilt an entire GALLON of hot pink paint right in front of the dresses....if the glass wasn't there they would of gotten splattered! Literally there was pink paint all over the glass and they had to get a wet vac to get all the paint off the rug. Can you imagine priceless dresses with pink paint all over them by accident...luckily they were safe. That night I was talking to some of the people who came for the event. I saw this one older man who was there super early with a to die for camera. I asked "Are you a big fan of the opera?" her replied "Yes I love it. I am the official photographer actually. I took most of the pictures on the costumes signs." I was in awe. Not only is he a working photographer he had one of the coolest subjects ever. I didn't get an opportunity to talk to anyone else that night because I was working but just being near the costumes excited me. It's been almost a week and a half now and everyday I look at them noticing more and more details. I think about the work that went into making them and more often I ponder what would it would be like to wear them on stage. I think it's important to really see the beautiful things that are around us when we actually take the time to look.... because beauty is everywhere. 

5 Ways to Tell if Someone Cares About You

As human being we are social creatures who get attached to other humans. We are constantly seeking bonds with others and for most people being alone is akin to torture. However sometimes we hold on to relationships of all types even when another person clearly does not feel the same way or even "care." So in an attempt to unmask those devilish people I have compiled a list that illustrates what is means to show you care....
1) If someone cares about you they think about you and wonder how you are. "I hope Sally had a fun labor day weekend trip. I should send her a text and see how it went." The thought is followed up by some action text, phone call, messenger pigeon, etc...
2) If someone cares about you they ask you questions. A person who ask questions is usually genuinely interested in YOUR answer. If they don't care they will spend excessive time talking of only themselves and their likes. If someone ask you "What are you passionate about?" they really care about what you have to say and they will remember the answer.
3) If someone cares about you they are considerate of not only their own feeling but yours as well. For instance you may be an avid vegetarian and they a steak fanatic but maybe when they are with you they will refrain from the steak because they know it upsets you (all hypothetical of course).
4) If someone cares about you random things will remind you of that person. You may be perusing a store and see something and say "Wow Bob would really love that gardening hoe for springtime." You know the person's likes and things you associate with that person will remind you of them. If random things never make you think of other people you probably aren't very observant or you don't actually care.
5) If someone cares about you their word is their bond. They don't need to tell white lies, or make excuses, because they will %100 genuinely want to do the things they say they will do just because it will make you happy. We want to make the people we care about happy so we do things to ensure that. At the end of the day words mean very little actions will show you the truth. If someone cares about you they will show it.

Dirty Dancing in a Cemetery

Doing some dirty dancing with Johnny

So Jaffe and I had been planning a trip to visit the weekly movies that show at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery (the weirdest graves I have ever seen EVER) for the whole summer but my work schedule totally was preventing it. Then when they released September 1st as Dirty Dancing I actually put in for the day off... this was an opportunity too awesome to miss. Knowing there was a strong chance it would be sold out we be bought the tickets and planned to get there earlier in case. We even secretly hoped it would be quite because everyone leaves LA for holiday weekends....it was PACKED! We still managed to get a good spot and we brought a picnic dinner. I love a good picnic. As the sun was setting we chatted, nibbled, and just relaxed. They projected old movie posters on the side of the mausoleum. Some groups brought whole set ups with mini tables and multiple dishes and card games- it was impressive. Everyone was pretty much squeezed in like sardines. We were behind 2 very annoying groups one which kept encroaching on our blankets and another that continually talked about their joints and spilling wine everywhere. However it was too precious to not love it overall.

      When they finally put up the DD poster everyone cheered. It was fun at all the main awesome shots or scenes people would clap, yell, etc like an opening night of a superhero movie. At one point everyone started waving their candles and cell phones it was hilarious. Of course the movie was great and My Swayze was so devilishly handsome. I love the music and costumes and of course the dancing. Half way through the movie a shooting star came right across overhead and fell right behind the projection. I was shocked because earlier I mentioned I was surprised you could see 7 stars in the sky that night....yes 7 I love stars so I counted. A shooting star in LA.... what are the chances.... I was shocked. I closed my eyes and made the most sincere wish. Of course I can't say it, but if you know me I bet you can take a good guess at what it might be. The whole thing was magical and I loved every second. Every time I see the film I think I want to dance the dance during the 'time of my life' at my wedding. It seems super silly like I would have to meet someone who would actually indulge me enough to learn it! It could start off with like an old traditional regency era dance then switch into the DD dance.... ok i'm getting a little ahead of myself but hey a girl can dream right? UPDATE: there are a ton of these on youtube but i liked this was best because they're so sincere https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OF1pLRZU6k It was such a good way to spend an evening. Next time i'll bring more layers and booze everyone had something!