Byakuren: Human Revolution Year 1

Byakuren  "The mission of the Byakuren is to be pioneering practitioners, to protect fellow members who embrace the Gohonzon, and to safeguard our community centers—the strongholds of kosen-rufu." —Daisaku Ikeda (This mean to help out my Buddhist organization (SGI) with a fighting happy spirit)

     On Easter day one year ago I made a commitment to become a Byakuren and get involved with supporting members and be less ego driven. I remember the day I got inducted so vividly. I was scared I literally knew no one there except the girls I was first introduced to in order to sign up, Shima and Ty. I had no clue was I getting myself into other then the time commitment aspect of it and the fact everyone continuously said "it will change your whole life state." I was down for change and making friends so I swallowed my hesitation and went. I was away from my family on a holiday something that was still very new for being in LA but it felt right being there. After being inducted I felt excited and ready to tackle the challenge. At first I started off really strong going to every meeting and helping out the first Sunday of every month at KRG (when we chant for world peace) and did some toban shifts (3 hour night shifts at the center). Then I entered into the hellish realm of working 7 days a week. For 3 months I wasn't able to do ANY ACTIVITIES it was hurting my heart, my soul, and my life mission.
     I chanted to have time to be able to do Byakuren activities on top of the regular meetings as well. At that beginning of the year I was also appointed as a vice leader. So it became beyond clear that I needed a different schedule to be able to go about participating in everything I wanted to do. I got that and have been able to do almost every single activity as a member, leader and byakuren over the past 2 months (winning). I steadfastly helped out at the last 3 KRG even though waking up at 7 am is my personal hell. I got to witness the transformation of my leader Ty from dedicated Byakuren on her transitional journey forward. I've got to spend time with amazing/inspiring Colleen who reminds me to chant for what I want NOW.
    Last week it was the induction ceremony for new girls who want to undertake the challenge/transformation. I told myself I was only going to see Ty graduate, I really wanted to be exploring Malibu (which I did after). However it was so inspiring to hear about other young women's victories and to video conference with other Byakuren groups on the west coast! It was epic to see Ty give her "goodbye" speech after 9 years and the new girls collect their shift supply goodies bag- I loved it all. I started to think how has doing this changed me? I don't see any major transformation in my life state or have some major experience for proof even thought I was happy, I felt a little disheartened. I was thankful for the new ones joining and hoping for their transformation even though I couldn't see me own.

2012 Byakuren Induction

     Later that night Shima posted 2 pictures of me that I had never seen before from the induction back in 2012. I was literally shocked I personally think I look like an entirely different person. 2012 me looks a little scared but hopeful - unsure but willing- and my general size. I immediately looked at the 3 pictures I took that day (before my camera died) and was blown away. 2013 me looks joyful, confident, content, and radiant (also a little tired but hey my back was thrown out- I wasn't aiming for perfection)... maybe something had changed. I was left with this feeling of the journey I can see the transformation physically but what was the real end result on the inside?

2013 Byakuren Induction with Ty my fearless leader :)

   Today my alarm went off at 7am the first Sunday of the month it was time for KRG at 8. It would be our first one without Ty and I was pinged with a bit of sadness. It took everything I had to physically get myself there a shot of soda, some nice perfume, a pump me up jam, but it still takes tremendous energy even when you know the great benefit it will have. When I got to the room there was only one other older Byakuren and the rest where new. Us "experienced" girls shared some knowledge about our duties and what it means to be Byakuren during these meetings. I spent the next 3 hours dedicating myself to helping the meeting be as inspiring to the members as possible. Towards the end I talked with Carrie (who had come later on) about the induction and how it had been a year for us.
    I mentioned how bizarre it was to be helping train these new girls and how we once knew nothing about how to support these meetings either. There are specific duties, jobs, and general things we do always with the members happiness in mind. I concurred with Diyva the best way to lead them was by example and guidance. Don't get me wrong it wasn't about "teaching" them what I know in an ego way it was about seeing how far I had come and what I could do help train the next generation. They just represented me a year ago in a symbolic way. I was in awe at how much we have grown. Carrie, Diyva, Collen and I were all inducted last year and I never even realized until Ty posted a group shot from the previous year. I didn't know any of them then- we are all right next to each other- perfect strangers who are now connected.

LA Northwest inductees 2011

   If I get nothing else out of doing Byakuren it would at least be that I got to learn and grow along the side of these amazing women. We generally do a 2 year term so I have one year left to go. I questioned did I transform enough in the past year can I undergo my human revolution in the 1 year I have left? I look back and see one solid year of working to be the best Bodhisattva of the earth I can be. 1 year of struggle and victory. 1 year of friendship and bonding. Whether it being wobbling in the courtyard, performing skits, helping members, polishing our own inner mirrors, or transforming our Karma we did one year and we can do so much in the year we have left!

Carrie, Colleen, Ty, Shannon, and Cammie at February KRG fighting with our lion hearted spirit!

Pretty is the New Ugly

pret·ty

[prit-ee] Show IPA adjective, pret·ti·er, pret·ti·est, noun, plural pret·ties, adverb, verb, pret·tied, pret·ty·ing.adjective

1.pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness: a pretty face.

        So in the past few weeks I have developed a strong disdain to being called "pretty" and "sweet." Why wouldn't you want to be called two very complimentray adjectives you may ask? The thing about it implies that this how i'm defining you as that one thing. I feel like I am a dynamic complex person with numerous facets to my personality. In different enviornments and with different people my idenity seems to chameleonize. 

       On Friday I got to see one of my east coast friends who I have not seen in about 2 years. He knows me in a way west coast people probably haven't seen yet. For a whole 5 minutes I felt like I was just me again the Shannon who is so loveable and happy, everyone wants to be her friend. In LA I have become fiercely independent, strong willed, and use to being alone. Some of that carefree nature and hippesque lack of abandon had been replaced with a fighting need for survival. It's different when the only thing you have to fall back on is your own self. 

       At my job I feel like there is a version of me that's teetering between professional adult and my innate nature to socialize and be friends. I dress a certain way, act a certain way, and even become a certain way when I am there. Of course we all act more professional at work and cut loose when were off but it's almost more then that. I struggle to identify myself as I grow into adulthood and yet I still want to incorporate the traits that make me unique and one of a kind. Pretty in not unique and sweet will probably always be the number one additive others use to describe me.  

       Calling someone pretty one day also implies that they didn't look pretty the day before. They're not saying wow the way you put that outfit together is so stylish or your accessories are so one of a kind. I get "pretty" often and it is sweet if I never got complimented I would probably be devastated. However when you interact with dozens of people a day who say the same exact thing to you it gets numbing. Outwardly I accept every remark gracifully and with smile inwardly i'm rolling my eyes and pouting. Pretty and sweet are also both degrading as a women who wants to be complimented on her job performance and character.

      I want to be seen as someone who is strong, loyal, courageous, independent, trustworthy, vivacious, and intriguing. I am someone who is transitioning into adulthood the only way I know how- trial and error. I'm finding my way in the more adult world and this city that continues to push me to my limits in every way. I challenge you tomorrow to go to one coworker and say something genuinely nice to them a compliment that is sincere and individualized for that person. Even thought my pretty is the new ugly for someone that might be something they never been called. Every human in unique so find out what makes you - YOU and never let it go ~S~

This chic totally agrees with me and waxes poetic about it http://www.upworthy.com/this-womans-beef-with-prettiness-will-leave-you-speechless?c=ufb4
  
A Fab article on a similar note Lena Dunham style: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/03/14/lena_dunham_playboy_interview_dunham_doesn_t_want_the_body_of_a_victoria.html

Just in case you needed any more "proof" http://hellogiggles.com/why-being-called-pretty-sometimes-gets-ugly 

  

The B Trinity

So today I met a guy and I didn't think such a person could exist except I chant so I think anything can manifest. There are 3 things that I currently find supremely sexy... sexy beyond words I dare say. He had all 3 of them and I don't care if nothing ever happens with him because just to know there is someone out there who possesses all 3 is good enough for me at the moment. What are these 3 amazing things you ask 1) He's British 2) He's  Buddhist 3) He has a kickass beard. Yes all you need to knock me off my feet are those traits apparently! In all honesty 2 of those are more or less superficial but being a fellow Buddhist by the nature of practicing Buddhism it encompasses all the important stuff like honesty, integrity, and a desire to help others key factors I would look for in a life partner. Chanting never ceases to amaze me it has a way of surprising you even when you've been asking for something all along. This week I was disappointed at the lack of change I saw in myself when it came to relationships in the past 2 years I have grown so much and that is one area that just hadn't made much improvement. Things like that tend to go on the back burner when you're just trying to survive. I feel rejuvenated not just from this guy but because I'm 26 and taking control over my destiny and it feels good!

The Rubix Cube of Life

          Today was a big day for me, this week was a big week for me....I turned 26. I've dreaded turning 26 since I was 22 and they changed all the health insurance laws so that by 26 you could no longer be on your parents health plans- I had nightmares about it for real. Then I was blessed enough to get a job where my benefits would start 3 months before I turned 26- I was beyond relieved. I also 26 as the age of "real adulthood" and whatever I conceived that to be. At 26 you're closer to 30 then 20 which in mind felt old. So about 2 weeks ago I asked Nicholas from the center for insight/information on the practice of a mindfulness which is a certain genre of meditation to ease stress in my case my impending birthday which was giving me mini panic attacks. This birthday in particular was making me deeply miss and think of my mother. The meditations made me realize that a birthday isn't just about the person who was born but also the mother who brought that child into the universe probably the closet human connection anyone can ever have.
        I have always believed that emotions can be processed better when you can identify the root of what is causing it. So here I was realizing why I was upset but then left wondering what to do about it. For me the answer is always chanting, I chanted she would give me a message in a dream. 2 nights later there was a bizarre dream but the main thing I remember was my Mom was going to be going somewhere without me and I was going to be left at this place alone. As I freaked out she said "It's okay you can do it alone." I woke up and all day those words resonated with me.

Fashion Alley

     On my actual birthday I was all over the place but I just took my time chanting, taking to my father and just getting my self together. Downtown was fun and total fashion madness. As I sifted through the glittering bejeweled everything I found some stuff that really fit my more eclectic sense of style. I miss judged the time and ending up rushing to work and by some miracle of the universe was only 7 minutes "late" which is still early (trust me on that one). As I turned the corner to my desk I saw a beautiful bouquet of pink roses and the room shouted "Happy Birthday." I was ecstatic it was a great moment. Then I realized my coworker hadn't left me anything and I did a whole little thing on hers... little did I know she hid a poster for me in the calender pages that I would find- she planned that to. Then Saman rapped for me my favorite line was "starting off with the original trauma the day you came outta your momma" it was precious and hilarious. Even Paul stayed after his shift to help me do some of the work I got backed up on being the center of birthday wishes. It was as good as being 2,500 miles away from everyone I love could be- I felt loved.

        Today was suppose to be the day I took off to "celebrate" my birthday and go to LACMA. However when I woke it was pouring and the idea of waiting for the bus in the rain then paying 15 bucks to not even see the outside stuff just seemed lackluster. I then proceeded to spend the day self reflecting and taking steps to really find a recourse to help with this reawakened grief. After calling Our House ( a local grief centered) they directed me to an additional recourse called "motherless daughters" that is specifically for girls who lost their mother before age 24= me. I had searched for such a group in MA back in 2009 with no success and now here before was exactly what I dreamed of. The individual counseling is a whopping 185 an hour! so i'm chanting for that to somehow manifest. The thing is unless it happened to you (losing a mother young) you have no idea what is it like you just don't know the pain. Either way just reading the blogs, stories, and annoyances women go through when other people who haven't lost a mother say "silly" stuff, I was relieved.
      It brought back this memory which I don't think I have shared until now I remember right after my mother died I had a major panic attack and the moment after that ended I thought "who is going to take me wedding dress shopping now, whose is going to help me raise good kids??" other women have that SAME feelings- I wasn't alone. I then did another mindfulness exercise and just tried to stop the intense gripping pain in my heart and the fact my lower back becomes like a solid rock when I start to acknowledge the pain. Afterwards I was off to a district Buddhist meeting. I can't pull anything from it particularly other then the theme was living as a lion hearted champion. Afterwards I was talking to Chantz and telling him the above written story he then proclaimed "Girl, you're like a rubix cube. You know ya just keep clicking those pieces into place, one by one heading towards that final cube." The was one of the best analogies someone has ever described me with... it fit. I felt like yes I am still working on myself and certainly on this motherless daughter thing. I am also working on becoming an adult women who is strong and fearless. I am 26 now and ready to walk into adulthood like a strong force of determination and openness.

How to be the Luckiest Girl in the World

    
       So I often get annoyed when anyone on fb says " I'm the luckiest girl/guy in the world" example being "My best friend in the world just proposed to me I am the luckiest girl in the world" you know what I mean.... it can be obnoxious. What I don't like about that is that it implies that your happiness lies with and is controlled by someone else. As a Nichiren Buddhist I believe that only you yourself are in control of your own happiness. Everyday I chant and the rhythm of my chant connects to the mysticness of the universe and one of the prayers is to chant for protection (This will get less religious soon you just need back info promise). I do this everyday and can you give 3 key examples of how doing this has saved me from serious potential harm the 3rd story being the most recent/ reason for this post.

1) I was driving from MA to LA alone in a car filled with stuff. I wanted to go around this dessert loop called monument valley where there happens to be nothing for miles and no cell phone reception. As the sun set quickly I got nervous the blinding sun was in my face and I went into a very deep clay puddle. Before panic could ensue I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo 3 times and a truck with towing gear came over the ridge. I hadn't seen a car in hours and the guy was from Cali it was amazing! He pulled me out and made it all away around just as it turned pitch black.

2) I got 3 calls from my roomate in a row when I was at work. She text me "I think your car is leaking oil." I said no is the the ac fluid it's fine but still checked it before I drive home. Luckily I did because had I driven even a foot that engine would have ceased there was 0 oil in it (the light never went on). I was stranded and the cleaning guy who only speaks spanish and the security guard created a plan to drive me to a gas station to buy 4 quarts of oil to make it home. The car leaked the enitre way and eventually was towed to a shop and was essentially fine minus a loose oil plug (or something like that). The thing is Kate never parked in the back because it's my spot that day she happened to stop by for a minute and knew I wasn't there but that "coincidence" saved me and my car a lot of trouble.

3) I had a plan to hike up to the Hollywood sign on Christmas because it was something that I always wanted to do but never seemed to have any time. So on a day when literally only movie theaters and chinesse food places are opened I concluded it was THE day to go. What I didn't realize is that from my friend's house where there is an hiking trail and which is visually very close to the sign that it is still several miles away because there is about 9 big curves that you keep coming upon. Once you're there are 2 paths one that goes behind the sign and one in front. Well of course I wanted the both and that took another hour now the sun was seeting quick and I was still about an hours hike away from my car. I saw some local people and asked if I could take this other trail instead they told me that trail was for Beachwood Canyon and that I was parked at Brentwood Canyon an entire other canyon away..... in these moments my head screams panic but my heart says you will be okay. So I put my headphones on and determined to make it back safetly chanting under my breath for safety. Then after a minute or so the family yelled "Brentwood girl brentwood girl do you want a ride?" See these people lived right at the hollywood sign and were on a leisurly "neighboorhood" evening stroll dog and all. So we left the trail and went on their street and they drove me. The sister of the guy was like don't worry he works for the mayer as a Mom herself she said "I would have been worried sick about you getting back safe all night." I chanted in my head the entire way there that my car would not be locked in there because the gate close at susnet and now it was well past it. I was thanking my lucky stars (weird saying) when it was open and they dropped me off.  I was such a frazzled mess.

Note the cool sunglasses

        Starving thirsty and exhausted I then went to Ralph's and home as I walked in my door I realized I didn't have my Fendi sunglasses. This is the only expensive designer item I have bought from Bloomingdales and even then I got it for 20%-20%-20% and $25 off making a 250 dollar pair of sunglasses significantly cheaper always with the intention of making them my new prescription sunglasses (my current frames cracked because they were 5 years old) I frickin panicked rushed back to Ralphs and they weren't there then I put some logical thought into I would have had to take them off my shirt to put a seat belt over my chest so they MUST be in that guys car. Well it was 7 by this time and I had movie plans plus I had to intention of trying to find a house or drive in the hills at dark.
      The next day I get dressed and after double checking every inch of my car with no luck decided to drive to the area in an attempt to re-find this house. If you have ever driven in the hills it's an extremely tight windey conglomerate like mess. It took 45 minutes but I finally found what I thought was their house. I knock on the door and lets just say it was not their house and I'm pretty sure the house of an actor. He informed me the only couple on the block was the house next door on the right- he thought I was insane but whatever if I have to go knock on the random doors of rich people to get my sunglasses back so be it. They wern't home but after talking to a guy doing work on the house I confirmed by vague descriptions it was indeed the family who helped me and I left a note on there door. It was a chance in hell but hey a girl has got to what a girl has got to do.

That's there house behind me and yes I was that excited to find it!

Note proximity to sign

     I chanted for a long while that somehow my glasses would be returned to me. Later that day I received an email from Dave saying "Hi Shannon: Unfortunately I didn't see your sunglasses in the car.  Should I come across them I will give you a call. Happy New Year.  -David" Must hold back tears was my thought. I finally had a new prescription I got when I was home and money from my godmother for Christmas. I then had a long chat with a friend which made happy/ realize that I shouldn't rely be so caught up on the material aspect of them. I was thankful to be safe and fortunate that I had been brought safely to my car  I had also thanked the universe for protecting me. In my heart I still had a feeling so I wrote David saying "David Thank you so much for the email. It wouldn't be such a big deal but they are the most expensive thing I've ever bought and was going to put a prescription in them this week :( If you do come across them let me even if its months from now haha! Have a fantastic new year" Because I wanted this rich guy to know how important they were to me and it wasn't like I could just get another pair but secretly hoping he would look again. I even posted on fb that was still time for a Christmas miracle.
    Now it was today and I was in limbo thinking of if I should re purchase the same pair since it's discount time or get a cheaper pair- I decided to wait. Today at 2:24 my phone rang with restricted on it I had a feeling in my gut it was David but I let it go to voicemail mostly because whatever he was going to say would probably result in me crying. Well needless to say he found them under the front seat! He's going away till Sunday but I can get them then. How aaaamazing is that? I didn't give up hope and I was sincere in my wish. Not only was I protected on Christmas but the universe also brought me back my sunnies- i'll admit it I jumped up and down and danced.
     So you may be asking yourself "Hey this post promised to tell me how to be the luckiest girl in the world" and well I will...... Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Chanting it will not necessarily get you exactly what what you want in the way you think you want it but will help you have the tools to tap into the mystic way the world works.  If you need any more proof just take a look at my life :) ~S~

Ps: Sunglasses are the only designer item that is also beneficial for your well being aka protecting your eyes which is very important in a land where it is sunny every day! 

100 Blogs 100 Loves

I Love this Lame Graphic!

So this my 100th Blog- what to do with such a momentous event? I wanted to say something worthy of such a ranking but could only come back to the word love. I've often written about my experiences with people in regards to love but I'm going to write about what I love. Me as one person living my life and what matters to me excluding people (because obviously I LOVE you!).
Written in non ranking order:
1) Acting
2) Everything Irish
3) Flirting
4) The Ocean
5) Animals
6) Soft Sheets
7) Buddhism
8) Mountians
9) My Camera
10) Sunshine
11) Pilates
12) Peanut Butter
13) Jane Austen
14) Colors
15) Rock N Roll
16) Drive in Movie Theaters
17) Photo Booth Pictures
18) Adventures
19) Paris
20) Red Lipstick
21) The Sound of Rain
22) Blue Eyes
23) Humming
24) Dreams
25) Feathers
26) Sunflowers
27) Cranes
28) Psychology
29) Roller Coasters
30) French
31) Regency Era
32) Retro Styles
33) 20's music
34) Sunsets
35) British Mini Series
36) Boston
37) Doctor Who
38) The Beatles
39) Doing Shots
40) Fashion
41) Scarfs
42) Northampton
43) Road Trips
44) Postcards
45) Fans
46) Yearbooks
47) Romance
48) My Prom Queen Tiara
49) Spoon Ring
50) Sea Otters
51) Love Letters
52) Surprises
53) Swimming
54) Bananas
55) Collecting things
56) Scarpebooking
57) Painting
58) Teaching
59) Making Movies
60) Laughing till you cry
61) High Heels
62) The Hollywood Sign
63)  Secrets
64) Cosmopolitans
65) Grace Kelly
66) The Little Rock
67) My Cali License Plates
68) CIder Donuts
69) The Summit House
70) RENT the Musical not my bills
71) Skype
72) Lavender Lotion
73) Quirky Acessories
74) Hitting Snooze
75) My MAC
76) Giving Advice
77) Horoscopes
78) Mall Pretzels
79) Van Gogh Paintings
80) Elaborate Gardens
81) Articture
82) Live Jazz
83) Making Out
84) Campfires
85)  National Parks
86) Succulatns
87) Mocassins
88) Cashmire
89) Hot Tubs
90) Reading
91) Supporting Causes
92) Free Parking
93) Butterflies
94) Playing Bejewled
95) Telling Stories
96) Getting Unexpected Gifts
97) Netflix
98) Nature Walks
99) Drunk Dancing
100) Love
Can I use Love in a list about things I love? Sure it's my blog and I love to make my own rules... I also love to break rules too :) ~S~

How the Crane became my Symbol for Strength and Hope

So to understand this post you first need to know the back story, which I wrote and is on the webpage for my Mother's lending library http://www.collaborative.org/special-education/ccatt/pwc-library/about/pwc-logo. If you lived through it with me you know that I made hundreds of cranes in my darkest hours while essentially waiting for my mother's cancer to overtake the rest of her body. My new room mate Jess is into all things spiritual and mystical and even has a book about learning about and paying attention to the symbols of animals. I wrote a blog about your spirit animal a few months back http://shannontcassidy.blogspot.com/2012/05/your-spirit-animal.html. Recently though as I have been going through the holidays alone I have really been longing for something that reminds me to be strong. The crane has come to not really represent my Mother so much as it has to represent the strength and hope that came about during the time. I had to fight myself just to get up everyday and it seemed like it would never end. That is where the hope came in... I had hope that one day I would come to LA to follow my dreams and in that desire I found strength to move forward. When I get sad about being here alone I try to remember how this has always been what I wanted and that it would take great sacrifice. I used some of my bonus money to get this beautiful hand made crane necklace from designer Kimmie @ Lil' Black Cloud you can watch how she makes them at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kLAGyKHJPE. Isn't that aaaamazing?? It arrived last night and it was as fabulous as I anticipated. I intend to wear it often over the next few months at a constant reminder to stay strong and have hope, I know that's what my Mom would have wanted.