HOW I almost MET Jason Segel (not your mother)

The Den

It had the makings of a great night...it was Maria's (my favorite co worker and close friend) birthday celebration at the Den in Hollywood. Erica and I were late because well it's LA and you have to look good, and drive far, parking etc.. Needless to say when we finally got in the place it was alive with young adults living it up. Per my usual game plan I did a lap to see if there were any attractive straight men about...after a few minutes I resigned to sitting on the patio next to the fire pit. These 3 drunk guys were repeatedly having this stupid conversation :
Idiot 1: "Jason Segel man"
Idiot 2 : "who is that"
Idiot 3: "ya know the guy from that movie the tall one"
Idiot 2: "From the office"
Idiot 1: "no the one from the movie with that blonde girl"

this went on for several minutes I had to jump in considering they could not actually name a single Jason Segel anything A- HOW I MET YOU MOTHER! B- The Muppets just came out C-Forgetting Sarah Marshall.. the puppet musical!! D- I love you, man all this I could spurt out in 5 seconds. I was not drunk so I did have a bit of an advantage. Either way Idiot 2 still had no clue and the conversation went another direction. 10 minutes later this comes up again when I hear "Damn he's gone now" I ask whose gone? Idiot 1 "Jason Segel" ... picture me mouth agape staring with dagger eyes. I come to find out Jason was at the table one over from the Idiots. He had been there the whole time and I hadn't noticed why cruel god of fate and the universe did I not see him?!?!? What was the point of my lap- maybe I should wear my glasses for the initial intell and then take them off??? boooooo. I began to think what I would say "Hey Jason I think you're fantastic and super funny, not to mention tall which is super sexy, do you like fries? I have some fries we could share, do you date civilians? do you want to date me? did I mention I think you're super sexy and funny...just saying" I imagine it would have gone something like that. On a more serious note my plan would have involved falling- it's something I am totally capable of and he's a good guy I'm sure he'd catch me..or I'd fall on my face start bleeding and he'd feel obliged to help. Anyways he was gone and I had wished I could have made had more sense of the drunk Jason ramblings earlier on. I preceded to have fun danced with some Swedish guys and overall had a fantastic evening. Sure a kiss under those white twinklings lights next to the fire pit with Jason's arms around me would have been nice but after that moment my heart said "you'll see him again" so if anyone has any good lines let me know- I'm thinking singing "I would walk 500 miles and I would 500 more just to me the girl who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door"....that might do the trick.

How to End a Bad Habit

Which path do you choose?

So depending on when I am scheduled I inevitably ending up taking my lunch break during either the Ellen Degenerous Show, The Windy Williams Show(how you doooinn), or Anderson Cooper. This also usually runs into TMV Live and the People's Court..... not my choice but it's the breakroom's standard. Today is was Anderson, and the topic bad habits. Immediately when one mentions bad habits you suddenly think about all of your own. I think my worst habit is laziness, followed by the common girl problem of emotional eating, and of course as mentioned in an earlier blog drunk texting. Charles Duhigg explains the 4 step process to changing any bad habit:

1. Identify the routine- what is the habit you are doing?
2. Identify the reward- what do you get from completing the routine behavior?
3. Isolate the cue- what is triggering your behavior?
4. Have a Plan- “The next time I see the cue, I’m going to do ‘x’ and my reward is going to be ‘y.’”

Lets take emotional eating something girls do ALL THE TIME!!

1. I think I have worked so hard I deserve to eat this pain au chocolate as a reward for my efforts and dedication
2. I get a sense of satisfaction a treat for doing a good job
3. Feeling like I do so much that it not appreciated
4. Next time when I am at work and feel that way I will instead take a break at the scenic overlook of LA/the hills and remember how much I accomplished by coming here!

Good plan! right?!?!? When it's broken down to those simple steps ANYTHING becomes possible. It even works for mental behaviors which apparently is all explained in Mr Duhigg(what an amazing last name)'s book The Power of Habit if you would like to see the interview and tips you can watch it at http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/04/10/dr-charles-duhigg-tips-on-how-to-break-a-bad-habit/

There are some other things I am currently working on "breaking" considering I need to be a complete open book to act it's all a part of giving it 100% plan a step closer each day~S~

The "Hulk" in You

The release of rage

I have never been one to deal with anger well. If I am ever yelled at or even scolded I cry... I can't help it. People think anger and sadness are two different emotions but they are not. They're just different reactions to the same feeling of being upset and frustrated. For awhile I became intrigued by the idea of learning to box to focus angry energy and channel it, I think I want to look into that again. As an actress you have to be in touch with your emotions all of them so that you can summon them at any moment. If any particular emotion is blocked you're done for. I feel angry the most when things are beyond my control like my issue with the bank today. When someone says “Oh I’m sorry but there is nothing you can do at this time” it's a frustrating thing to hear. That’s when it takes the stronger power of wisdom and patience to figure out a solution. I am angry about a lot of things that happened when my Mom died and how I was told to do and be things I did not want to. However at the end of the day anger just eats you alive it's no good for the body or the soul. The opposite of anger is peace... a tranquility that only comes with acknowledging the anger and moving past it. I know this isn't the best blog but we all have to find a way to conquer are inner Hulk for tonight this blog needs to be mine.

This is an interesting article about anger http://www.thenoisecast.com/2011/04/defuse-my-anger/

Honin Myo

The Lotus Flower Booms and Seeds Simultaneously

So what does Honin Myo mean?!? This is one of my favorite Buddhist sayings...it means from this point on. Whatever happened is in this past from this very moment you will start  again looking towards the future. Holding on to my past  and the way things once were has always been a big issue for me. If you know me you know I use to over dramatize, romanticize, and generally lived in a self deluded mind set(still do to an extent???). Much of that changed when I became a Buddhist. I have a great quote hanging in my room that reads "Do not dwell in the past Do not dream of the future Concentrate the mind on the present moment." When my Mom died I saw how precious and short life really is. If I die at 48 from a rare cancer I want to know I lived every damn moment of my life to the fullest no regrets Non, je ne regrette rien. I want my life to have meaning and have been beneficial to others in some way. I want to be a film actress who inspires others to strive for and achieve their dreams. For the past 2 months I have been actively trying to go through my human revolution and take full responsibility for my current life state (poor, lonely, not acting, not respected) and change myself to in turn change my environment. This is a fundamental Buddhist idea that you are a reflection of your life and only you have the power to change your own situation. It's really hard for me to see people who always play the victim poor me, this always happens to me, etc etc I know my current situation isn't great but I am working to improve it and myself. I want people to know that I knew it would be hard coming out here alone and it turned out to be much harder then I anticipated but although it is taking more time then I wanted I am not giving up Honin Myo from this point on....~S~

Love Letters: The Most Romantic Thing in the World

     Ever since I was little I have had a fascination with letters. I remember being taught how to write a formal letter in school and I was so excited! I was even more excited when it came time to learn cursive. Now at the ripe age of 25  I've realized that cursive writing and especially letter writing are a lost art form.  I think letters have a way of communicating ideas and feelings that an email can just not completely convey. When I was backpacking in Europe I wrote letters to my friends back home and it was actually fun not to mention the excitement of actually receiving a letter in the mail! Men make a mental note this can also be quite romantic... so next time your considering sending and email think about maybe sending a letter to the girl you like- she will adore it... trust me.
       One of my favorite books The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is written as letters. There just something about writing one that gives you a feeling of openness like you can say what you really feel.  I am notorious for writing letters when there is something that I really need to say but can't seem to say face to face. Persuasion, most likely my favorite book in the world, has one of the most amazing letters ever written:

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."

       A scholar write this about the letter http://www.utexas.edu/features/2010/02/08/love_letters/   Another popular love letter is talked about in Sex and the City from Ludwig Van Beethoven to his "Immortal Beloved" which reads :  Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours
From Jane Eyre this quote makes me cry:

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land some broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, - you'd forget me.”

If you are a girl I am sure your heart must have melted by now but in this day in age can so much lovely sentiments really be appreciated for it's beauty? Watch this more modern love story here: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/love-letter-finally-delivered-60-years-first-written-165305864.html?fb_action_ids=833708419975&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_source=other_multiline&code=AQDs5OfLwWojenSg-RuINKuqklYSBBdz_6KQGNOBo7nFdkrbSjyOSzIF9sN3205m3zz0x7wFyB-ZhDwgkVIdC4m4Gl3w4_2E_OIohtvwaH53dODCccrGeWizNIk8SOzH-bO9m7SkJvzLNk2oRanpoKJ194r7ePp1RQvjGdTNWTX11LWWn1xxQI28c-xFLDHQtTA# 
In closing I must say throughout time the love letter is still the most romantic thing in the world and if you ever are lucky enough to receive one be thankful you got one of the good ones ~S~    

Subconscious Feelings/Thoughts

I believe once a person finds a place in your heart they always stay there in some way even if the circumstances change. For instance it has been 2 years since my Mom died and I still think the weirdest things sometimes. For instance I had pulled into work dreading going in when I had the subconscious "Call Mom she'll make you feel better" thought immediately my conscious brain snapped in "No she's dead you idiot you can't do that" This has happened to me only 3 times but every time its freaks me out that somewhere in my head I haven't processed that she's gone that below my conscious level of thinking about her my brain still feels another way. I just spent the last ten minutes thinking about what I would have my future kids call my mom Angel Patty, Heaven Grandma how I would want them to feel like they could talk to her, like I do, even thought she's no longer here. Why did my subconscious even start that thought process? I am not pregnant or plan on having kids soon so this is in no way an immediate concern. Maybe it's because I'm hanging out with my new favorite coworker who's pregnant or the fact that Mother's Day is coming either way the power of your subconscious really is mind blowing. I remember kissing someone once and my first thought was"That wasn't anything like when you kissed X" I was appalled at myself why did that thought come up at that moment?!?!? My point is just that it is important to take time to just allow yourself to think, chanting is a time I think about the things I want and what I hope to accomplish and do for others. If I don't acknowledge how I am truly feeling at any random moment in life my subconscious surely will remind me. So I am acknowledging I miss my mom terribly, and my family and friends back home-At the store today 4 people were given awards and they secretly had their families/friend/roommates there it was so precious but there was something about it that made me think I wish the people I love would just randomly be here one day- how amazing would that be? Can you believe I have been here a half a year...it will be 6 months on the 11th...can't wait to go home for Matt's wedding or someone can come surprise visit me!

I would walk 500 Miles

There is an episode of How I Met Your Mother where it shows Marshall's beloved car that continually plays the Proclaimers song 'I'm gonna be' (500 miles). During a road trip the song goes from a terrific jam and then the worst song in the world. It comes up later in another episode as well  http://youtu.be/yhcFpbnQghk I love the sentiment behind this song because I think if someone said to you "But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door" It would be pretty frickin romantic.
Here are some things I would walk 1,000 miles for:

• To my friends and family who I epically miss (too bad they're 2,300 miles away)
• To pay off my student loan
• To have a conversation with my Mom
• To meet the love of my life
• For adventure just because I like to see things
• For a lead role in a feature film  

   What would you walk 1,000 miles for?