Subconscious Feelings/Thoughts

I believe once a person finds a place in your heart they always stay there in some way even if the circumstances change. For instance it has been 2 years since my Mom died and I still think the weirdest things sometimes. For instance I had pulled into work dreading going in when I had the subconscious "Call Mom she'll make you feel better" thought immediately my conscious brain snapped in "No she's dead you idiot you can't do that" This has happened to me only 3 times but every time its freaks me out that somewhere in my head I haven't processed that she's gone that below my conscious level of thinking about her my brain still feels another way. I just spent the last ten minutes thinking about what I would have my future kids call my mom Angel Patty, Heaven Grandma how I would want them to feel like they could talk to her, like I do, even thought she's no longer here. Why did my subconscious even start that thought process? I am not pregnant or plan on having kids soon so this is in no way an immediate concern. Maybe it's because I'm hanging out with my new favorite coworker who's pregnant or the fact that Mother's Day is coming either way the power of your subconscious really is mind blowing. I remember kissing someone once and my first thought was"That wasn't anything like when you kissed X" I was appalled at myself why did that thought come up at that moment?!?!? My point is just that it is important to take time to just allow yourself to think, chanting is a time I think about the things I want and what I hope to accomplish and do for others. If I don't acknowledge how I am truly feeling at any random moment in life my subconscious surely will remind me. So I am acknowledging I miss my mom terribly, and my family and friends back home-At the store today 4 people were given awards and they secretly had their families/friend/roommates there it was so precious but there was something about it that made me think I wish the people I love would just randomly be here one day- how amazing would that be? Can you believe I have been here a half a year...it will be 6 months on the 11th...can't wait to go home for Matt's wedding or someone can come surprise visit me!