The Keys to Surviving Solitude

1) Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company:
       Step One: Love Yourself this is harder then it sounds. Ya know when you beat yourself down- I should have done this - why aren't I doing that? what was the purpose of majoring in that degree? SHUT THAT OFF  it does no one any good especially your piece of mind/sanity.
      Step Two: Find activities that you can enjoy doing alone. For me it's hiking, reading, watching movies, painting, and practicing my British accent. I don't need anyone to have those things be fulfilling they just are because I truly enjoy them.
      Step Three: Appreciate Silence: We live in such a busy chaotic world it's such a rare thing to be still and do nothing. I'm always listening to music, chanting, thinking so loud I swear it's audible- quiet... such beautiful nothingness.

***When you can be alone and be perfectly content it is much easier to be by yourself for any length of time.

2) Find Something That Gives You Purpose:
   ( If you thought point 1 was hard you're in for another doozey)
    Step One: pin point what you are passionate about. For me it is, and always has been, acting- I enjoy it, I find it fulfilling, and it's challenging. When I can't do that pretty much anyway of being creative art, writing etc does a stand up replacement. What make you really want to get up and do something?
   Step Two: Takes steps to be able to do the things you love. Maybe your goal for the day is just going to the store to by supplies for your project. Maybe it's taking a few moments for self reflection. Whatever needs to be in place for you to do your passion counts as doing it - I repeat ALL SMALL STEPS COUNT
   Step Three: Do it- simple- do what you are passionate about!

***When you are actively involved in something you truly love you are fulfilled, content, and happy.

3) Change the Way You Think About Being Alone:
   Step One: No time for a pity party- life is too short. If you're at home thinking "why do I have no one to spend time with, hang out" etc  it is only inflicting a poor me mentality and no one wants to be around that. Seriously those  people who always complain never have friends because NO ONE ever wants to be around complainers.
   Step Two: "You have power over your mind-not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." Marcus Aurelius. You can't control a friend bailing last minute or the epic snow storm happening outside (wait I live in LA- scratch that example) but you can control how you feel about it. So let it be - RELAX- and enjoy your new found moment to do you.
   Step Three: Overcome that strong fear of being on your own. "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face..we must do that which we cannot" Eleanor Roosevelt. It's hard I get it were humans we fear abandonment, no one loving us, etc but shit happens living in fear is not living at all. We only have such precious time on this planet make it count- throw out fear and live every second doing what you want to do!

***When our mind makes us the victim, weak, or in fear you can change that negativity to help you learn to appreciate, grown and transform.

I'm not proclaiming to be an expert on this but in the past year and eight months I've kinda become well versed in the art of surviving solitude- so why not share some of this slowly acquired wisdom?  I think being able to appreciate the process is one of the signs of being a fully functional adult... at least that's what I keep telling my quite often lost 26 year old self! ~S~

Sorta Syndrome

Sorta Syndrome- that moment in a potentially romantic relationship when both parties aren't really sure where they stand and neither will comment/commit so it becomes the epically ambiguous, sorta syndrome.

This week it has become abundantly clear that I continuously get in these sorta relationships ALL OF THE TIME. When straight up asking my high school crush if he ever liked me his ingenious response was "sorta" at this pivotal confessional moment years and years of "sorta moments" all came clicking into place.

        I think in our minds it is like the movies when two people meet they exchange some sexy glances, partake in some witty banter, and somewhere in their hearts they just "know." Not just in a "i'm physically attracted to you way" but in a solid way of "yes we both are equally into each other." I personally have never know if anyone likes me, ever.  I only get an answer if I initiate and do the asking. The response is NEVER "yes I am so into you let's do this." I'm not sure humans are even capable of being that open and honest! Here are a few examples of common sorta syndrome scenarios:

1) I do love you but.... basically I care about you I know we're great together but I don't want to be with you as a couple.

2) Were such good friends I don't want to mess up what we already have.

3) Deny Deny Deny- I am in complete denial about how I actually feel. I'm too scared/overwhelmed/excited (insert appropriate adjective here) to even consider dating you.

4) We're already great companions why do we have to label anything can't we just leave good enough alone?


       I think part of it comes from knowing what you want. What are you looking for in a future partner? What are you own goals and ambitions and can this person help you be the best person you can be to achieve that? I tend to have very strong opinions about what I want and don't so there are very few things I'm unsure about- the way men feel about me is probably the only one. I just want to shout from the top of my lungs "DO YOU LIKE ME ?!?!?!" My roommate informed me the lack of an answer is an answer. The entire book He's just not that into you is about this but is it that simple?
        For me there are always questions and I can get very in my head about what is happening. I doubt everything now because when I was younger I grossly romanticized and protected my self through false ideas. I learned that my interpretations of what were going on and what were actually going on were two totally different realities. Then I met someone and thought surely they are as connected to me as I to them- they weren't. After that I dated someone who was physically connected to me but still detached mentally. I was left wondering- is that all there is (insert musical notes here)?????
        Now I'm 26 having the exact same conversation I have had so many times before. When a person looks at you and says "sorta" does that actually mean "no" or just "i'm not sure"? Either way it does not mean "YES" I'm still trying to figure all this out but I do know I want a man to look at me and when asked "Do you want to date me?" there response would be an overwhelming "HELL YES!"I am not even sure such a thing exists but I do know I don't want to settle for a life stuck in sorta syndrome. I am awesome, strong, and I look really cute even without makeup. I, like every women, deserves someone who sees every aspect of their personality the good and the bad and loves them all. He thinks “All the girls in the world were divided into two classes: one class included all the girls in the world except her, and they had all the usual human feelings and were very ordinary girls; while the other class -herself alone- had no weaknesses and was superior to all humanity.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Or for a more modern twist: "Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love Like I'm the only one who knows your heart Only girl in the world..."  RIHANNA - ONLY GIRL

See I'm the kind of girl who can quote Tolstoy and Rihanna and somehow make that work- i'm cool- who wouldn't want to say "HELL YES" to dating me ?!?! :)

5 reasons why acupunture kicks ass

 

         So my body had been leading a revolt against me since the wisdom teeth removal a month ago. My abdomen ballooned out to epic proportions, I threw by back out, and the my wrist began flaring up again. I was loosing it and then I remembered a friend of a friend (Alex) who I met at a party does acupuncture. I'm pretty broke and thought of going to a traditional doctor did cross my mind but all I wanted was acupuncture. It transformed me 2 years ago after my mother's death and all that trauma/stress I endured in my body. I basically came to realize it was 100% necessary for my health and I went today. My body feels a gazillion times better!!! When I went in I could only lift my leg to about 35 degree angle when I left I could do a solid 90 on both legs! I have energy and the overall fluidity of my joints it also improved. So I would like to share 5 reasons why acupuncture is an amazing experience:

1) You get to feel the inside of your body like you can't in any other way I have experienced. Usually we only pay attention to our muscles and nerves  if they are in pain or we are working out. However when you're on the table (if you really relax and let you mind be still) you can feel the nerve paths, interconnectedness of you as a living organism, and literally the energy flowing through you. It's a surreal feeling that it totally unexplainable you've got to feel it to understand it.

2) Your body heals- enough said

3) The acupuncturist takes into account your entire being in terms of physical, mental, emotional health to create a full body healing plan. Unlike western doctors they don't judge or try to make you conform to their personal beliefs in your health. I am so NOT about judging so this really works for the way I think and want to be.

4) The feeling that you along with the acupuncturists knowledge/needles have the power to change and effect your condition is beyond reassuring. Sometimes we think "why is my back spasming again" or "why am I always feeling lethargic" the solution is in you. This is a key Buddhist idea to which is that you have are the ultimate influence to yourself. Sometimes pain is debilitating- I felt so lost in my own body the last month and now I feel present and grounded.

5) For me the practice also gives me an element of hope. Hope that I will heal- hope that I will feel better- and hope that I will be able to the dancer pose in yoga again sometime soon. Western medicine does not give me hope it diminishes me and makes me feel bad about where I am right now.

I feel so grateful for the experience I had today and much more ready to conquer the world.
If you're in LA and want to try it out get in touch with Alex: Balance Within Medical Acupuncture

3 very silly things i'll admit to doing today

1. I could not for the life of me get a new jar of peanut butter opened ( I tried 6 times over a day and a half) so I brought it to work knowing most likely there would be a man there to open it for me. The femenist in me is crying but hey I REALLY wanted peanut butter crackers....

2. After watching the first date episode of new girl I actually contemplated for a good few (ahem cough cough 5 or so) minutes which charector I was most like. I came to the conclusion I think it may be Nick- not Jess like I would want it be- who doesn't want to be Zoey Deschenel????
PS- If you said "No" you're lying

3. I almost bought a pair of underwear at work today because I have needed to do laundry for days and have used all my underwear including the uncomfortable thongs, gramas, and sexy lingerie...I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO LAUNDRY and all my quarter are gone.  I didn't but now that i'm pondering what to wear tomorrow i'm stuck with the fact I will have to laundry


Why would one post these more or less ridiculous things on the internet. Well...
A) No one I know is up right now so I have to tell someone
B) You have to find the small joys and pleasure in a day to make life worth something
C) People need to be silly to be happy so why not share my silly with the world since I want everyone to be happy! xoxo ~S~

Reclaiming My Heart

       What does one call a poem on a blog- is it still a poem or now a blog? or simply a poem on a blog.... After the events that have transpired this week I wrote this as an ode to my feelings and as a plan of action for my future.

Reclaiming My Heart

Today is the day I will do the impossible
I will let go of these men entirely
each part of them I have kept with me
is now released into the mystic universe
to find a home in someone new

I can no longer hold these men in my heart
there is too much suffering to contain them all
I once believed I was protecting their memory
as a token of gratitude I would still hold them dear
but what about me and my protection?

holding on feels safe and familiar
leaving no space for love to renew
we cannot keep someone en locked within us forever
no one has the right to own another’s heart
even one piece as small as it may be is too great

the heart belongs to the person beating it
they must standup to reclaim their heart

Byakuren: Human Revolution Year 1

Byakuren  "The mission of the Byakuren is to be pioneering practitioners, to protect fellow members who embrace the Gohonzon, and to safeguard our community centers—the strongholds of kosen-rufu." —Daisaku Ikeda (This mean to help out my Buddhist organization (SGI) with a fighting happy spirit)

     On Easter day one year ago I made a commitment to become a Byakuren and get involved with supporting members and be less ego driven. I remember the day I got inducted so vividly. I was scared I literally knew no one there except the girls I was first introduced to in order to sign up, Shima and Ty. I had no clue was I getting myself into other then the time commitment aspect of it and the fact everyone continuously said "it will change your whole life state." I was down for change and making friends so I swallowed my hesitation and went. I was away from my family on a holiday something that was still very new for being in LA but it felt right being there. After being inducted I felt excited and ready to tackle the challenge. At first I started off really strong going to every meeting and helping out the first Sunday of every month at KRG (when we chant for world peace) and did some toban shifts (3 hour night shifts at the center). Then I entered into the hellish realm of working 7 days a week. For 3 months I wasn't able to do ANY ACTIVITIES it was hurting my heart, my soul, and my life mission.
     I chanted to have time to be able to do Byakuren activities on top of the regular meetings as well. At that beginning of the year I was also appointed as a vice leader. So it became beyond clear that I needed a different schedule to be able to go about participating in everything I wanted to do. I got that and have been able to do almost every single activity as a member, leader and byakuren over the past 2 months (winning). I steadfastly helped out at the last 3 KRG even though waking up at 7 am is my personal hell. I got to witness the transformation of my leader Ty from dedicated Byakuren on her transitional journey forward. I've got to spend time with amazing/inspiring Colleen who reminds me to chant for what I want NOW.
    Last week it was the induction ceremony for new girls who want to undertake the challenge/transformation. I told myself I was only going to see Ty graduate, I really wanted to be exploring Malibu (which I did after). However it was so inspiring to hear about other young women's victories and to video conference with other Byakuren groups on the west coast! It was epic to see Ty give her "goodbye" speech after 9 years and the new girls collect their shift supply goodies bag- I loved it all. I started to think how has doing this changed me? I don't see any major transformation in my life state or have some major experience for proof even thought I was happy, I felt a little disheartened. I was thankful for the new ones joining and hoping for their transformation even though I couldn't see me own.

2012 Byakuren Induction

     Later that night Shima posted 2 pictures of me that I had never seen before from the induction back in 2012. I was literally shocked I personally think I look like an entirely different person. 2012 me looks a little scared but hopeful - unsure but willing- and my general size. I immediately looked at the 3 pictures I took that day (before my camera died) and was blown away. 2013 me looks joyful, confident, content, and radiant (also a little tired but hey my back was thrown out- I wasn't aiming for perfection)... maybe something had changed. I was left with this feeling of the journey I can see the transformation physically but what was the real end result on the inside?

2013 Byakuren Induction with Ty my fearless leader :)

   Today my alarm went off at 7am the first Sunday of the month it was time for KRG at 8. It would be our first one without Ty and I was pinged with a bit of sadness. It took everything I had to physically get myself there a shot of soda, some nice perfume, a pump me up jam, but it still takes tremendous energy even when you know the great benefit it will have. When I got to the room there was only one other older Byakuren and the rest where new. Us "experienced" girls shared some knowledge about our duties and what it means to be Byakuren during these meetings. I spent the next 3 hours dedicating myself to helping the meeting be as inspiring to the members as possible. Towards the end I talked with Carrie (who had come later on) about the induction and how it had been a year for us.
    I mentioned how bizarre it was to be helping train these new girls and how we once knew nothing about how to support these meetings either. There are specific duties, jobs, and general things we do always with the members happiness in mind. I concurred with Diyva the best way to lead them was by example and guidance. Don't get me wrong it wasn't about "teaching" them what I know in an ego way it was about seeing how far I had come and what I could do help train the next generation. They just represented me a year ago in a symbolic way. I was in awe at how much we have grown. Carrie, Diyva, Collen and I were all inducted last year and I never even realized until Ty posted a group shot from the previous year. I didn't know any of them then- we are all right next to each other- perfect strangers who are now connected.

LA Northwest inductees 2011

   If I get nothing else out of doing Byakuren it would at least be that I got to learn and grow along the side of these amazing women. We generally do a 2 year term so I have one year left to go. I questioned did I transform enough in the past year can I undergo my human revolution in the 1 year I have left? I look back and see one solid year of working to be the best Bodhisattva of the earth I can be. 1 year of struggle and victory. 1 year of friendship and bonding. Whether it being wobbling in the courtyard, performing skits, helping members, polishing our own inner mirrors, or transforming our Karma we did one year and we can do so much in the year we have left!

Carrie, Colleen, Ty, Shannon, and Cammie at February KRG fighting with our lion hearted spirit!

Pretty is the New Ugly

pret·ty

[prit-ee] Show IPA adjective, pret·ti·er, pret·ti·est, noun, plural pret·ties, adverb, verb, pret·tied, pret·ty·ing.adjective

1.pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness: a pretty face.

        So in the past few weeks I have developed a strong disdain to being called "pretty" and "sweet." Why wouldn't you want to be called two very complimentray adjectives you may ask? The thing about it implies that this how i'm defining you as that one thing. I feel like I am a dynamic complex person with numerous facets to my personality. In different enviornments and with different people my idenity seems to chameleonize. 

       On Friday I got to see one of my east coast friends who I have not seen in about 2 years. He knows me in a way west coast people probably haven't seen yet. For a whole 5 minutes I felt like I was just me again the Shannon who is so loveable and happy, everyone wants to be her friend. In LA I have become fiercely independent, strong willed, and use to being alone. Some of that carefree nature and hippesque lack of abandon had been replaced with a fighting need for survival. It's different when the only thing you have to fall back on is your own self. 

       At my job I feel like there is a version of me that's teetering between professional adult and my innate nature to socialize and be friends. I dress a certain way, act a certain way, and even become a certain way when I am there. Of course we all act more professional at work and cut loose when were off but it's almost more then that. I struggle to identify myself as I grow into adulthood and yet I still want to incorporate the traits that make me unique and one of a kind. Pretty in not unique and sweet will probably always be the number one additive others use to describe me.  

       Calling someone pretty one day also implies that they didn't look pretty the day before. They're not saying wow the way you put that outfit together is so stylish or your accessories are so one of a kind. I get "pretty" often and it is sweet if I never got complimented I would probably be devastated. However when you interact with dozens of people a day who say the same exact thing to you it gets numbing. Outwardly I accept every remark gracifully and with smile inwardly i'm rolling my eyes and pouting. Pretty and sweet are also both degrading as a women who wants to be complimented on her job performance and character.

      I want to be seen as someone who is strong, loyal, courageous, independent, trustworthy, vivacious, and intriguing. I am someone who is transitioning into adulthood the only way I know how- trial and error. I'm finding my way in the more adult world and this city that continues to push me to my limits in every way. I challenge you tomorrow to go to one coworker and say something genuinely nice to them a compliment that is sincere and individualized for that person. Even thought my pretty is the new ugly for someone that might be something they never been called. Every human in unique so find out what makes you - YOU and never let it go ~S~

This chic totally agrees with me and waxes poetic about it http://www.upworthy.com/this-womans-beef-with-prettiness-will-leave-you-speechless?c=ufb4
  
A Fab article on a similar note Lena Dunham style: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/03/14/lena_dunham_playboy_interview_dunham_doesn_t_want_the_body_of_a_victoria.html

Just in case you needed any more "proof" http://hellogiggles.com/why-being-called-pretty-sometimes-gets-ugly