How to be the Luckiest Girl in the World

    
       So I often get annoyed when anyone on fb says " I'm the luckiest girl/guy in the world" example being "My best friend in the world just proposed to me I am the luckiest girl in the world" you know what I mean.... it can be obnoxious. What I don't like about that is that it implies that your happiness lies with and is controlled by someone else. As a Nichiren Buddhist I believe that only you yourself are in control of your own happiness. Everyday I chant and the rhythm of my chant connects to the mysticness of the universe and one of the prayers is to chant for protection (This will get less religious soon you just need back info promise). I do this everyday and can you give 3 key examples of how doing this has saved me from serious potential harm the 3rd story being the most recent/ reason for this post.

1) I was driving from MA to LA alone in a car filled with stuff. I wanted to go around this dessert loop called monument valley where there happens to be nothing for miles and no cell phone reception. As the sun set quickly I got nervous the blinding sun was in my face and I went into a very deep clay puddle. Before panic could ensue I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo 3 times and a truck with towing gear came over the ridge. I hadn't seen a car in hours and the guy was from Cali it was amazing! He pulled me out and made it all away around just as it turned pitch black.

2) I got 3 calls from my roomate in a row when I was at work. She text me "I think your car is leaking oil." I said no is the the ac fluid it's fine but still checked it before I drive home. Luckily I did because had I driven even a foot that engine would have ceased there was 0 oil in it (the light never went on). I was stranded and the cleaning guy who only speaks spanish and the security guard created a plan to drive me to a gas station to buy 4 quarts of oil to make it home. The car leaked the enitre way and eventually was towed to a shop and was essentially fine minus a loose oil plug (or something like that). The thing is Kate never parked in the back because it's my spot that day she happened to stop by for a minute and knew I wasn't there but that "coincidence" saved me and my car a lot of trouble.

3) I had a plan to hike up to the Hollywood sign on Christmas because it was something that I always wanted to do but never seemed to have any time. So on a day when literally only movie theaters and chinesse food places are opened I concluded it was THE day to go. What I didn't realize is that from my friend's house where there is an hiking trail and which is visually very close to the sign that it is still several miles away because there is about 9 big curves that you keep coming upon. Once you're there are 2 paths one that goes behind the sign and one in front. Well of course I wanted the both and that took another hour now the sun was seeting quick and I was still about an hours hike away from my car. I saw some local people and asked if I could take this other trail instead they told me that trail was for Beachwood Canyon and that I was parked at Brentwood Canyon an entire other canyon away..... in these moments my head screams panic but my heart says you will be okay. So I put my headphones on and determined to make it back safetly chanting under my breath for safety. Then after a minute or so the family yelled "Brentwood girl brentwood girl do you want a ride?" See these people lived right at the hollywood sign and were on a leisurly "neighboorhood" evening stroll dog and all. So we left the trail and went on their street and they drove me. The sister of the guy was like don't worry he works for the mayer as a Mom herself she said "I would have been worried sick about you getting back safe all night." I chanted in my head the entire way there that my car would not be locked in there because the gate close at susnet and now it was well past it. I was thanking my lucky stars (weird saying) when it was open and they dropped me off.  I was such a frazzled mess.

Note the cool sunglasses

        Starving thirsty and exhausted I then went to Ralph's and home as I walked in my door I realized I didn't have my Fendi sunglasses. This is the only expensive designer item I have bought from Bloomingdales and even then I got it for 20%-20%-20% and $25 off making a 250 dollar pair of sunglasses significantly cheaper always with the intention of making them my new prescription sunglasses (my current frames cracked because they were 5 years old) I frickin panicked rushed back to Ralphs and they weren't there then I put some logical thought into I would have had to take them off my shirt to put a seat belt over my chest so they MUST be in that guys car. Well it was 7 by this time and I had movie plans plus I had to intention of trying to find a house or drive in the hills at dark.
      The next day I get dressed and after double checking every inch of my car with no luck decided to drive to the area in an attempt to re-find this house. If you have ever driven in the hills it's an extremely tight windey conglomerate like mess. It took 45 minutes but I finally found what I thought was their house. I knock on the door and lets just say it was not their house and I'm pretty sure the house of an actor. He informed me the only couple on the block was the house next door on the right- he thought I was insane but whatever if I have to go knock on the random doors of rich people to get my sunglasses back so be it. They wern't home but after talking to a guy doing work on the house I confirmed by vague descriptions it was indeed the family who helped me and I left a note on there door. It was a chance in hell but hey a girl has got to what a girl has got to do.

That's there house behind me and yes I was that excited to find it!

Note proximity to sign

     I chanted for a long while that somehow my glasses would be returned to me. Later that day I received an email from Dave saying "Hi Shannon: Unfortunately I didn't see your sunglasses in the car.  Should I come across them I will give you a call. Happy New Year.  -David" Must hold back tears was my thought. I finally had a new prescription I got when I was home and money from my godmother for Christmas. I then had a long chat with a friend which made happy/ realize that I shouldn't rely be so caught up on the material aspect of them. I was thankful to be safe and fortunate that I had been brought safely to my car  I had also thanked the universe for protecting me. In my heart I still had a feeling so I wrote David saying "David Thank you so much for the email. It wouldn't be such a big deal but they are the most expensive thing I've ever bought and was going to put a prescription in them this week :( If you do come across them let me even if its months from now haha! Have a fantastic new year" Because I wanted this rich guy to know how important they were to me and it wasn't like I could just get another pair but secretly hoping he would look again. I even posted on fb that was still time for a Christmas miracle.
    Now it was today and I was in limbo thinking of if I should re purchase the same pair since it's discount time or get a cheaper pair- I decided to wait. Today at 2:24 my phone rang with restricted on it I had a feeling in my gut it was David but I let it go to voicemail mostly because whatever he was going to say would probably result in me crying. Well needless to say he found them under the front seat! He's going away till Sunday but I can get them then. How aaaamazing is that? I didn't give up hope and I was sincere in my wish. Not only was I protected on Christmas but the universe also brought me back my sunnies- i'll admit it I jumped up and down and danced.
     So you may be asking yourself "Hey this post promised to tell me how to be the luckiest girl in the world" and well I will...... Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Chanting it will not necessarily get you exactly what what you want in the way you think you want it but will help you have the tools to tap into the mystic way the world works.  If you need any more proof just take a look at my life :) ~S~

Ps: Sunglasses are the only designer item that is also beneficial for your well being aka protecting your eyes which is very important in a land where it is sunny every day! 

100 Blogs 100 Loves

I Love this Lame Graphic!

So this my 100th Blog- what to do with such a momentous event? I wanted to say something worthy of such a ranking but could only come back to the word love. I've often written about my experiences with people in regards to love but I'm going to write about what I love. Me as one person living my life and what matters to me excluding people (because obviously I LOVE you!).
Written in non ranking order:
1) Acting
2) Everything Irish
3) Flirting
4) The Ocean
5) Animals
6) Soft Sheets
7) Buddhism
8) Mountians
9) My Camera
10) Sunshine
11) Pilates
12) Peanut Butter
13) Jane Austen
14) Colors
15) Rock N Roll
16) Drive in Movie Theaters
17) Photo Booth Pictures
18) Adventures
19) Paris
20) Red Lipstick
21) The Sound of Rain
22) Blue Eyes
23) Humming
24) Dreams
25) Feathers
26) Sunflowers
27) Cranes
28) Psychology
29) Roller Coasters
30) French
31) Regency Era
32) Retro Styles
33) 20's music
34) Sunsets
35) British Mini Series
36) Boston
37) Doctor Who
38) The Beatles
39) Doing Shots
40) Fashion
41) Scarfs
42) Northampton
43) Road Trips
44) Postcards
45) Fans
46) Yearbooks
47) Romance
48) My Prom Queen Tiara
49) Spoon Ring
50) Sea Otters
51) Love Letters
52) Surprises
53) Swimming
54) Bananas
55) Collecting things
56) Scarpebooking
57) Painting
58) Teaching
59) Making Movies
60) Laughing till you cry
61) High Heels
62) The Hollywood Sign
63)  Secrets
64) Cosmopolitans
65) Grace Kelly
66) The Little Rock
67) My Cali License Plates
68) CIder Donuts
69) The Summit House
70) RENT the Musical not my bills
71) Skype
72) Lavender Lotion
73) Quirky Acessories
74) Hitting Snooze
75) My MAC
76) Giving Advice
77) Horoscopes
78) Mall Pretzels
79) Van Gogh Paintings
80) Elaborate Gardens
81) Articture
82) Live Jazz
83) Making Out
84) Campfires
85)  National Parks
86) Succulatns
87) Mocassins
88) Cashmire
89) Hot Tubs
90) Reading
91) Supporting Causes
92) Free Parking
93) Butterflies
94) Playing Bejewled
95) Telling Stories
96) Getting Unexpected Gifts
97) Netflix
98) Nature Walks
99) Drunk Dancing
100) Love
Can I use Love in a list about things I love? Sure it's my blog and I love to make my own rules... I also love to break rules too :) ~S~

How the Crane became my Symbol for Strength and Hope

So to understand this post you first need to know the back story, which I wrote and is on the webpage for my Mother's lending library http://www.collaborative.org/special-education/ccatt/pwc-library/about/pwc-logo. If you lived through it with me you know that I made hundreds of cranes in my darkest hours while essentially waiting for my mother's cancer to overtake the rest of her body. My new room mate Jess is into all things spiritual and mystical and even has a book about learning about and paying attention to the symbols of animals. I wrote a blog about your spirit animal a few months back http://shannontcassidy.blogspot.com/2012/05/your-spirit-animal.html. Recently though as I have been going through the holidays alone I have really been longing for something that reminds me to be strong. The crane has come to not really represent my Mother so much as it has to represent the strength and hope that came about during the time. I had to fight myself just to get up everyday and it seemed like it would never end. That is where the hope came in... I had hope that one day I would come to LA to follow my dreams and in that desire I found strength to move forward. When I get sad about being here alone I try to remember how this has always been what I wanted and that it would take great sacrifice. I used some of my bonus money to get this beautiful hand made crane necklace from designer Kimmie @ Lil' Black Cloud you can watch how she makes them at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kLAGyKHJPE. Isn't that aaaamazing?? It arrived last night and it was as fabulous as I anticipated. I intend to wear it often over the next few months at a constant reminder to stay strong and have hope, I know that's what my Mom would have wanted.

A Few Good Men

So after pondering my day filled with much flirting... I've come to realize I am a shameless flirt.....also more importantly that a women really needs a good man around not just one but several.
1) The Potential Boyfriend: This is a guy you interact with every so often and every time it's electrifying. You tend to find ways to "bump" into them or try and spend more time in there general vicinity (come on don't lie to yourself you have done this). My current potential is yoga/counselor and after we interact I have that giddy butterfly feeling. There's a mix of hope and intrigue that creates a dynamic combo of excitement. Where will it lead??? who knows! and you like it.
2) The Guy Who Makes You Feel Sexy: There's this ongoing joke at the center about clients who just ooze this sexy tiger like sexy prowess. I laugh even typing it now but there's just something about these individuals that just makes you putty. They know just what to say to make you blush and you feel yourself being drawn even when you KNOW it's all part of their game/manipulation/persona. They know how to woo and every women needs to feel desired sometimes.
3) The Backup: Now don't get me wrong I don't think it's really fair to always keep someone on the back burner if you never have any intention of dating them. I have this friends and we've been "friends" for almost 10 years now. We never really date but when either of us needs a pick me up the other one is there. Could I see something happening with us one day - sure we talk about it often. We blame timing but sure is nice to somewhere could be there if and when you wanted it.
4) The Platonic Friend: Okay okay it is REALLY hard for guys and girls to be friends without somoene falling for the other it's nature. However when you can find that balance there's nothing better then being able to get a male perespective on things. Somone you can go watch sports with or play video games for hours. It also helps that you can wear sweats and keep your hair in a messy bun and neithert party will give a fuck.
5) The One: So there's one guy out there somewhere who is the right guy for you. Maybe he is your friend, makes you feel sexy, etc... but most importantly he's your rock-stability. You can trust him with anything because he knows you better then anyone else. A life partner it not easy to find. First you have to know yourself because the more you know about what you want the better chance you have of finding it. Some people rush the whole process because they just want the finish line moment of a wedding and kids. I would rather wait 50 years to find the one person who will get me then rush anything because I don't want to be alone.
How many men do you think a girl needs in her life?
I'd also like to share this accurate/hilarious article How to Woo a Girl: http://www.wikihow.com/Woo-a-Girl

One Year in LA Celebration

Vintage Heaven!

         So it seemed only fitting that after the Edison was closed on my birthday that it would be the perfect spot to honor my one surviving life in one of America's hardest cities- Los Angeles. In my mind I envisioned a day off frolicking around the city just appreciating it then some booze fest at night. Then I was denied the day of work so literally worked 9:30 to 6 ran home, dashed around, and fancied up. Not to mention I had to open up the counseling center at 8:30 am the next morning....(warning recipe for disaster). Some friends met at mine for dinner at my favorite local burger place and wine. We drove to the Edison which is Downtown (always a little ominous) and upon entry I was ecstatic. It could of been 1922 for all I was concerned. I was a little bummed that they shut off the vintage music and were now playing indie pop I guess?!??! We made it just in time to watch an ariel show :) I ordered The Mistress it seemed fitting. The night proceeded just like most others at a bar would. I was stopped several times and complimented on my feather and outfit. I adored the old machinery and random 20's artifacts they had scattered about the place. Eventually they opened up this private room and we went a bit picture crazy it was everything I imagined. Crystal convinced me into a round of truth or dare her favorite bar time activity. That resulted in me meeting a group of guy one which I somehow convinced to dance to "Be My Baby" as i twirled around in my flowly dress I was overjoyed. It may have been the absinthe or the fact I was so proud for having made it a year but I felt exhilarated. Afterwards we ended up in this cigar shop playing chess with checkers pieces. My big toes were blistered on 3 sides but it was worth it. I'm so happy the ladies were there to share it with me! As I literally rolled out of bed at 7:40 the next morning a mere 4 hours of rest I had no regrets.. I survived it all and celebrated in style- what more could a girl ask for?

Cheers to One Year in LA!!!

My 5 Biggest Turn Offs

1) Making fun of my beliefs -whether that be my vegetarianism or that I'm a Buddhist. I don't tease you about eating flesh so why is it okay to say to me "you're a vegetarian, are you insane?" a direct quote from a guy I met last week. We were having a perfectly lovely conversation and geeking out over Doctor Who then that comment= lame. I also don't care if you believe in God but I don't... I respect all religions please respect mine.

2) Don't be a wuss- I've said it before and I'll say it again "I want a man not a boy who thinks he can." I think most women want that. If you can't stand up for what you believe in, can't follow your dream, or can't be honest- then I don't think we would make good life partners.

3) You can't handle tears- My emotions are my biggest strength and my Achilles heal. I cry often and not always because i'm sad. If tears scare you or you never cry yourself then you would be sick of me in .02 seconds=fact

4) You can't say "I Love You" even to a friend- I say I love you to anyone I really care about because I believe it's important and to many people don't ever know how loved they really are. You may not even know how much you care for someone until they're gone. It's important to be able to recognize your emotions and express them. I get it you're a guy that's not really your forte but refer to #2 and carry on.

5) You can't respect women's rights- here's the deal I believe women's bodies are our to decide what to do with. Why a man gets any say in what I wear, how I get my birth control, or how I live my life is beyond me.There was such much political hoopla in this past election about women's rights and I felt it was the 50's again. Come on people lets roll with the times women are powerful lets acknowledge this and move on! So if you have a feminist streak that's good with me, if you have ever said "if you want to be happy the rest of your life you've gotta make an ugly women your wife" and meant it... we're done.

This list is for entertainment purposes only and should in no way actually be used to determine if you would turn me on or off.

5 Life Lessons I Learned from My Mother

As the majority of my family is gearing up for the big Rays of Hope walk this weekend i'm left in LA wondering what it would be like if my Mom was still alive. What words of wisdom would she be telling me about living my dream and eating roman every night. Would she be proud? worried? would she have visited me and would I have shown her the Hollywood sign? She's been in my dreams the past few nights and we've talked about weddings, boyfriends, and zombies. What I do have is some stellar advice she imparted on me:

1) Be careful who you give your heart to (advice circa 2007)- one night I was upset about some silly crush I had and was crying because I had never had a real boyfriend. She said the common reassuring Mother things like "you're beautiful the right guy just hasn't found you yet" and "don't worry it will happen when it happens" I rolled my eyes and continued my over dramatic tantrum and then she got real serious and started telling me a truthful and painful story of the first guy she loved and "be careful who you give your heart to, you won't ever get it back." Now at 25 i've had my heart broken a few more times (including her passing) and I know you don't ever get it back- it's precious.
 
2) Never wake a sleeping baby (advice circa 1996 the year Conor arrived)- this is a great rule of thumb because it's hard enough to get a baby to sleep- just because you, a normal sleep patterned based adult, wants the baby to be awake it is sleeping and probably learning to sleep through the night respect that and in turn help protect the mother's sanity. I got to see my friend baby Nathaniel for the first time since he was born I saw her almost everyday of the course of her pregnancy and then there he. For a solid hour he slept in my arms I didn't mind that his diaper smelt of the fact I baby throw up all over my dress. Sure he's much cuter awake making baby gurgles and pursing his lips but that famous advice rings in my ears.

3) Beware of the sun (circa 1987-2009)- I think I was 10 when she told me to wear sunglasses because blue eyes attract more light and "you don't want to get crow's feet." Let's not count the endless amount of "are you wearing sun screen? Shannon Teresa. Your asking for it" I swear she grew that aloe plant in the kitchen just for me. This is some very serious good life advice with skin cancer, good habits, and a healthy awareness that white Irish skin gets red real quick. It's annoying to put on sunscreen so I can only imagine how tedious it is to put in on 3 more kids and after every trip in the water pre waterproof sunscreen days- thanks mom this advise I still have trouble following ( I didn't wear a stitch of sunscreen at the beach today....)

4) 40,000 is a lot of money (circa 2005)- I remember the day we went to WNEC (my first college) and she was hysterically crying to the financial planner about the loan we were going to have to take out. I didn't understand at 18 why she was so upset I thought everyone paid for college with loans. Now at 26 when I have to budget out every dollar of my fiances to pay off that money I think of her in that moment. I also recall the day she finished paying her student loans- she cried then too. When I questioned her why it mattered she said "I worked so hard for that degree and have been paying this off for the past 20 years." I'm thankful for the education I got but I am very aware of the price that cost me and exactly how long it will take to be gone, 2025.

5) Follow you passion (circa 2007)- I wanted to to Tish in NYC because I wanted to be a trained actress. I have always wanted to be an actress and she knew that. At 12 I begged her to move to NYC because Lee Thompson Young from The Famous Jett Jackson's mom moved to NYC so her son could audition for TV (mom turned that proposal down). When Bush got elected I begged my Mom to move us to Ireland so we could join the EU and escape the political BS (mom turned this one down to but was a bit more convinced). By the time I was 20 and attended a performing arts high school, had been in endless plays, and now an associates degree in theater she was at least open to the idea of me attending Tish for my Bachelor's. It didn't end up happening but we spent this one day In Ny just her and I on the way home we got in this massive fight because I couldn't understand why she wasn't being supportive to which she responded "I know you're going to follow your passion, it's just such a hard business Shannon." She knew it was going to be a struggle and she wanted to spare me that pain but still wanted me to follow my dream. For the record I never said this was going to be easy I think this blog is proof it isn't but it's has always been to get to this and now it's time to make it happen.

Remember when I said one day i'll have an Oscar Mom?

LA Year One: Top 10 Moments

Me officially on the West Coast!

So in honor of my one year living/surviving/kicking ass in LA I would like to mention my top 10 favorite moments (in chronological order)

1. My friend Dan moved out here to SD 2 years ago and he was going to be in town 2 weeks after I had been in LA. When he asked "Do you want to go to a vegetarian place?" I nearly died I was so excited. It was in Dtown Culver City and I got a tap on my back as I turned and screamed while simultaneously throwing my arms around him. It was only 2 weeks in but it was so comforting to see someone so familiar and comforting. The food was awesome and I had lavender lemonade to drink :) By using my powers of subtle suggestion I eventually got Dan to "come up with the idea" of going to the Santa Monica Pier. It was just like I had always pictured it and my first view of the pacific ocean in real life. The pier is like a magic world of fun and chaos. The sun was shinning and the ocean breeze keeping me cool it was perfect.

2. Jennie was in town and we had run all over the city sightseeing. One tour guide was like you took  her up to Muhalland drive right? I hadn't -so we went right at sunset to this overlook which shows all of LA for miles (what you can see through the hazy pollution anyways). It's far enough away that all the lights look like twinkling stars. The sky becomes pink/purple/orange and it's amazing. If felt real being there with one of my east coast friends in LA like it was cementing my presence in the city.

3. It was New Years Eve and Jennie and I ventured over to Amy's house for a pre party. There was karaoke and shots. We went to hermosa pier to a New England themed bar. We arrived 10 minutes before midnight just in time to pee grab a drink and rejoice. I remember looking up and screaming that's a celtic banner before Amy screamed back "It's a Boston bar" lol maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the fact I acquired an awesome feather tiara thing and a rose from a drunk guy but it was pure fun.

Such a sucker for a feather head piece!

4. It was my Birthday and at the time had like 3 friends in all of LA Alex/Pam and Amy. She basically said she'd do whatever I wanted. After the Edison was closed for a private party we decided on a jazz bar and burlesque themed place. However on the way I heard the sounds of my favorite British phenomenon -THE BEATLES there were Asian men as this Beatles tribute band! Fate intervened and I found myself singing Beatles in a state of pure joy. At midnight this kid Michael I went up and sang the Beatle's Birthday song (it was his birthday too) I was on cloud 9 is was so awesome. My shoes ended up in the rain overnight but let's not get to into detail....

Posing like a true starlet!

5. Kerri boss's apartment was throwing an event to raise money for clean drinking water. It was hosted my Michael Welch (FROM TWILIGHT) and there was free booze. There was publicity and one of those promotion backdrops. An hour in I was drink explaining to Michal the poverty I saw in Jamaica and how he should come to cabo with us. At cabo I spent hours flirting with a guy who looked like Jason Schwartzman (it was not JS) drank a margarita I don't remember. The stumbled down Hollywood BLVD looking at the walk of fame stars and just being happy to be there..

 6. It was finally hot enough to go to the beach in a bathing suit although after going in the ocean a sweatshirt seemed necessary. It was sunny and  I was with a bunch of girls just chilling. Eventually they all left and I watched the sun set over the water it was my first LA beach sunset and I took like a gazillion pictures writing I <3 socal in the sand (see blog cover photo). I had watched the sunset everyday on my trip to LA and now I was here at the end of the US, the most West I could be, watching the sunset feet in the sand, hair blowing in the wind, camera in hand- I was happy.

7. Lianne invited me to hang out one night so I popped over after work. Since the first day I moved here I had always heard about Koreatown karaoke- that it was insane and fun. I super <3 karaoke but first we went to a speakeasy with a secret password to get in. It was soo dark you hit things until your eyes adjusted. I met new people and had a blast. Afterwards we went to Brass Monkey to sing and it was a HOT MESS in the best way imaginable. You can really do pretty much anything here.

8. Throughout the summer the Hollywood Forever Cemetery shows movie against one of the mosalium walls. Pam and I tried planning to go but I always seemed to be working. When Dirty Dancing came on the roster I specifically begged my manager for the day off. It was so fun the crowd all huddled together under the 5 visible LA stars. It's so fun to experience a movie with hundreds of people like a premier night for a super hero movie but here were fans of a good love story. At one point a shooting star flew right over the wall and I made a very sincere wish about my future...it was an amazing experience. The graves were really bizarre but that night made me believe in love for a moment again.

9. My job at the store was always meant to be a temporary thing. The hours are so random that it never allowed me time to really audition and live a "normal" life. How I came to get my new job is an epic story in and of itself but when I got a call from the Director of the counseling center I knew it had the potential to give me a better life here. I was in my car when I heard the official "I would like to offer you the position as the evening client coordinator etc etc" I bounced my feet and did a little dance. This job would allow me to audition during the day, it paid better, and it would be around people trying to help people not manipulate them...I was overjoyed.

10. My Buddhist practice was the backbone of my survival throughout the year and my best friend when there was no one else to confide in. A few days after finding about my new job I was invited to a study lecture at a famous Jazz composers home. A) the home is a mansion of sorts with art, plants, and treasure from around the world - not to mention an view of LA that takes your breath away. B) The meeting was about overcoming struggle and perseverance. I cried the entire time but in away that was so cathartic and healing. I had done it- I survived a year - I succeeded in living a life in one of the worlds hardest cities. When I chanted for the dead I was overcome with a feeling that my mother was proud of me but more importantly I was proud of myself. I was happy I live in Los Angeles!

This is what an East Coast girl living and loving Los Angeles looks like!

A Touch of New England in LA

A recent trip to the grocery store had me in stitches..... In New England if you want decorative hay you go to the local farm pay 5 bucks and get a gigantic bail. In LA you go to the grocery and get this...

That's $8.99 for the little bail and $14.99 for the big! Besides price inflation it seems so silly to have hay wrapped in plastic with logos like it goes against the natural outdoorsy feel of hay. However I did manage to find one thing in LA that was even better then New England- the LA County Haunted Hey Ride! There are legit auditions to be one of the creatures on this thing and its in the middle of the woods and it's epic. On the choosen night we were graced with the presence of Elvira. I indulged in some hot cider and french fries. I tried to pretend it was a cool fall night as I was wrapped in a scarf, knit hat, jeans, sweater, and jacket for about 70 degrees... a bit overkill but a little imagination never hurt anyone. Let me add you're advised to wear ponchos on this voyage. The BEST part was when we were going up this hill and there were like 40 bent heads in this chapel I thought "Are they real? they can't be real? they would never pay 40 actors for this one scene." Well a demonic satan rose to the sky and with a flash summoned 40 live satanic worshipers with beady red eyes who chanted and hit sticks like maniacs it was awesomely terrifying. Other scenes included deranged elves, sexy dungeon mistresses, creep playhouse stuff etc. Outside there was a whole walkway of a backwards bone marry go round, cardboard cutouts, a side show, and Halloween snack cart. I could pretend it was New England where fall exists buy hey it's still sunny here a girl can't really complain about that!

What happen to those who don't follow the rules!

A giant walking scary thing!

Riding the bone merry go round

The day I left for LA

A huge part of me feels like it was just yesterday that I left. I remember Pat helping me pack up my car and asking "Are you sure this is all going to fit?" my response "No...just keep shoving it all in." I had drawn a little map about how I imagined everything would fit in the car and that worked up until a point and then it was just pile it in... pile it on top of that.... and then shove this behind that pile. Some things were removable like my backpack and the container with the food I packed. One point I attempted to get some makeup out of a bag and all this stuff came piling out, one word, Jenga. I remember having a chanting session with my lovely Chicopee district SGI and crying the whole time just sincerely chanting for protection and strength. I was so scared because it was something I had wanted for so long with every fiber of my being. I think saying goodbye to my father was the hardest part of that morning. It's weird because that day is blending with the the last time I went home and left in my memory those days "feel" the same. I was so unbelievably tired on my drive to PA because I was just overwhelmed physically and emotionally. At 3 hours in I remembering panicking thinking "turn around you can't do this, you're insane." Luckily the passion in myself that wants to be a film actress won out. It was the one and only time on the trip I considered going back. I look a small nap at a McDonalds, the only nap I was ever able to take in my car on that trip even though I tried numerous times. On my final hour to N's I saw this weird light that looked like a UFO or something as I passed I realized it was the Amish! Of course the highlight was being able to stop and spend the weekend with Nicole and Chris. Sort of re-adapt and adjust being "gone" but not "gone" yet. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I did turn around where and what would I be doing now??? I am so happy I was strong enough to have not turned around because I am happy, even with all the challenges, to be here today in my room with the beautiful Cali sunshine ~S~

Getting Smarter With Time

Have you ever looked back at a conversations that was written, emailed, video documented in some way several years after the fact with completely new understanding? First off you have to be crazy like me and have kept notes from middle school, old emails from crushes, or have a book of favorite text messages ( I use to have one lol my Mom split a jug of water on it then tried to save it by blotting out each page- at the time I was devastated but am glad that it no longer exists). Maybe 5 or so years later you can almost see the sub text of it because you are a little removed now. I recently read an entire friendship's worth of correspondence and it was like now I can truly see the nature of that friendship that I just could not see when I was living it. Of course as time goes on we learn things but we also repeat many of the same mistakes. What is the driving force behind changing that for yourself....that is the current philosophical question I am pondering.  What makes me at 25 smarter then me at 22 and what will me at 27 have learned?? I think the solution lies somewhere in making sure you work on your self in a reflective way and follow your passions. We have the power to make better choices once we become aware. The last year I kicked some really bad habits and I "have to admit it's getting better getting better all the time" I also believe there is a Beatles lyric for everything.....
PS I know smarter is not a "real" word but becoming more smart with time just did not seem like a good title no matter how correct it is 

Breast Cancer: Awarness VS Profit

So in case you didn't know my Mother died of a rare form of breast cancer called triple negative breast cancer.  I am such a strong advocate for breast cancer awareness, finding a cure, and promoting women's health in general. What i'm not a fan of is the use of the cancer as commercial profit for companies. Like a Valentine's display or summer set up mid September hits and the Breast cancer stuff begins to appear like it's on some retail calender. Not only is it a continual reminder for me of the way she died ( I prefer to remember her as the strong amazing woman she was) I feel like it degrades the struggle that every women who has been afflicted with this disease went through or is currently going through. Many products have a 2% of the profit of this item goes to Breast Cancer Awareness........ really is there a foundation called "breast cancer awareness"? (update there's a website but it a vague statement regardless) If packaging says 2% goes to Susan G Komen for a Cure that mean something to me.. a real foundation that impacts the community and continually is fund raising to find a cure for breast cancer. Since I recently got a cash back credit card I have become very aware of how long it takes 2% to add up to anything remotely measurable. However the amount of profit for these mug companies still greatly outweighs any donation. Even my favorite brand of chips puts a pink label on for October. I do think there are some benefits..... maybe every time a women sees a breast cancer mug she'll remember to do a self examine. Maybe every time they use their pink pen at work they'll think of the struggles so many women have endured. Maybe one day a young girl or boy will see that display and ask "what's breast cancer?" then grow up to be the scientist who finds the cure... but for now make sure you really look at the product your buying this October and try to remember the awareness aspect of this upcoming month and not it's commercial value.


This chic agrees with me http://feministatsea.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/october-breast-cancer-fest/

3 Reasons Why Dating and I Do Not Get Along

So after my pseudo date the other night I was left wondering what it is that makes me so repealed by the whole dating thing... you gotta find out what the problem is before you can find a solution right???
1) I find it really challenging to trust anyone with a penis. After the years of hearing all this shit my friend have put up with/dealt with combined with my family situation I'm left wondering why people put themselves through it when if you're strong and secure you can totally be happy alone. There are only 2 straight men in this world I trust and both of them are barely in my life right now. Does fidelity exist? I wonder what a happy healthy relationship looks like in real life?
2) I am one of the most loving caring people you will EVER meet and i'm super emotional/passionate when it comes to "feelings." I can't not say how I'm feeling- my inner truth is always bursting to be unleashed. If im happy im exhilerated, sad im boaderline inconsolable, angry... well let's just say you DON'T want to see me angry. So I can't just put my emotions aside and let it be because I will end up heartbroken and wondering how I got so deep so quick....damn feelings :)
3) I can't distance myself from a person and just "wait and see." It's not my style - I can't seem to follow that rule. I have had some really amazing dates over the years but one night then no contact for several months seems pointless. Like what is the point of having this awesome time if you won't see that person for a few months, or a year, or possibly ever again. For instance one of the best nights I ever had ever in Bath with this guy Ben who never called I feel like those dates disappear into this love cloud somewhere in the sky where love goes to dissipate. I want my love to stay right here with me in my heart. Working to find the balance between self love and outside relationships = challenging!


PS just wanted to share the definition of this because it was literally exactly how I felt and I love finding the perfect word to describe how I feel:

pseudo: adjective: almost, approaching, or trying to be.          LOL

 

Types of Friends

So I was talking to my "friend" last night about the types of friendships we have in life. I brought it up because he and I have been friends for 10 years now and that is the longest straight male friend I have (which only proves how little I like/trust straight guys in general lol). For instance we don't know everything about each other but when you've seen someone change and grow and develop over a long stretch of time you can see them in a different way:
1) The Friend of Many Years: "Ya I've know that kid since pre school" This is a friend who you've shared random great times with over the course of years. There may be concentrated times where you spent more time together but in general it's the occasional hang out and text messages. You can call this friend up for parties, when you're in town.
Now a step below the Friend of Many Years is the Acquaintance:
2) The Acquittance: "It's so good to see you what have you been up to since high school?" This is the kind of person you are totally happy to see when they come across your path. There is usually little to no attempts at hanging out but when the universe creates it the whole thing is very pleasant. You may share common interests or other friends you may say "we should totally hang out" but you will NEVER actually call that person to hang out.You can call this friend for the high school reunion or to return that hat you love they borrowed 2 years ago.
3) The Fun Friend: "There is going to be an awesome kegger on the beach you should totally come." This friend is THE person you want to go to when you need a night you will never forgot. They know how, when, and where to have the time of your life. They may kinda bail on your stuff and defeiently won't walk your dog but they will give you a night you will always remember or never remember depending on how good the night. You can call this friend for any thing you would deem epic.
4) The Situational Friend: "She was my best friend in College... I don't really see her anymore." We all have a bunch of these friends from the various points in our life. During that period of time you do everything together but once you graduate, move etc.. you will rarely ever speak to them again. They are your friend in that situation only. You can call them for that span of time and never again. 
5) The Close Friend: "I love her she's awesome we totally go to yoga every week together" This friend is someone who know most of your dirty secrets and still likes you. Many hours sipping tea and chatting have created a nice bond and if anyone ever asked you would swear your fondness for them. However this friend probably would forget your siblings name and might not know anything about your childhood but you can still count on them. You can call them for everything but the serious stuff.
6) The Best Friend: "I know this sucks but will you help me move?" You can depend on the best friend for pretty much anything. They will help you do the shit NO ONE wants to help anyone do or listen to shit NO ONE wants to hear for the billionth time you've said the woes of stupid shitty boyfriend- you listen because you care and they do the same a best friend is a solid friend. You can call this friend for almost anything and they will be there.
7) The Forever Friend: "We have been through everything together...even hell.. and I still love them" This is the person who is at your mother's funeral and sneaking in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for you. They helped you move 3 times and you probably spent at least one month not talking to each other at some point. You've fought made up and have gone through any conceivable situation together. You can count on them for pretty much anything and they will have your back till the day you die. You can call this friend anytime any hour, of any day, and they will always be there.

The Night I called the LAPD

So it started off like any other night at my new job... counselors, clients, and confusion. The night before my mentor deemed me ready to go at it alone and I was borderline terrified but pretty confident in what I knew so far. Well ya know how curiosity killed the cat?? It kinda started off like that there were 3 unmarked buttons... one was white, one was red, and one was white with a "do not push please" sticky note attached to it .... in an attempt to find the one that chimes to alert the counselors their clients were there (this was a new practice and something I hadn't been trained to do).... a girl Jamie and I decided to try them out. Well needless to say one is the chime, the red locks the door automatically from the desk(which we discovered when I client got stuck trying to exit the center), and the one that polity says do not push please is a silent alarm for the LAPD. Jamie and I joked that something would happen but when they actually walked in my mouth was agape and I was beyond embarrassed. It was a larger male cop and a younger pretty but diesel looking girl. The guy laughed and said he figured it was an accident he teased me a bit and laughed it off while I apologized profusely. The chic was pissed and gave me a "you're a stupid girl look" she literally walked out the door and the guy kinda followed. I turned to Jamie "Omg what am I going to do?!??!" thinking worse case get fired best case they would tell me to not do it again. A minute later I got a call from one of the staff asking if there was an emergency because our security was alerted when the police were alerted. I made Jamie promise to not tell a soul. However by the next day it was out and the head administrator called me to her office. FEAR FEAR FEAR I was petrified! Basically she explained at the same time I called the cops a crazed gunman killer was on the loose in the area I work in. She heard it on the radio driving home and when she got the call from security was convinced the crazed killer was at the center. She called me several times but I kept putting her on hold because it was the top of the hour (I just said hold please without waiting for a response) eventually she talked to Bob who said everything was fine. As she is telling me this story i'm listening for vocal tones of anger but if never came. Basically we talked about getting our security a walkie talkie so I could communicate with him and ways to make the center more safe/user friendly. All is well that ends well I guess (thank the universe!!)

How Barney Stinson Changed My Life

So if you're a How I Met Your Mother fan you might say that Barney is one of the most lovable yet deplorable characters on TV... the playbook anyone?!?!? However he has a fantastic life philosophy I think more people should follow:

Of course we all have times when we may be a bit sad because we had a shitty day or something is not going our way. If there's something i've learned over the past 25 years wallowing in sadness gets you nowhere. So whenever I get sad I stop being sad and just get more awesome instead.... and that's a true story. I do awesome stuff all the time because there is so much random things to do here- I mean watching movies in cemeteries is totally normal right? Also it helps to have fun friends who will do stuff like this:

Ya he taught us to be legendary too.... what a great man. Now one more for the road:

:)      :0        :)        :0       :)        :0        :)        :0      :)         :0       :)         :0       :)           :0          :)

Suit Up

Sometimes you just have suit up! SO FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER (since moving here) I have taken things out of the closet that have not been worn since I was a teacher... legit. At bloomies we can only wear black and in my department we have to wear a suit jacket. However we can be pretty wild with hair accessories, makeup, and nail polish. At SCCC I can wear color skirts whatever but have to be more conservative overall. It's such a breath of fresh air to be able to style and put together outfits. To most people that is probably not a big deal. However for a fashionista like me I feel like i've been released!!! It's like the best of both worlds and even thought i'll be doing a major wardrobe change every afternoon at least I can wear color again!!!

Dress the Fantasy

From the Magic Flute

I unsuspectingly came to work and walked into our hall with the white board saying "Dress the Fantasy" a couple random thoughts came to mind which I would not like to publish on the internet. 5 seconds later I forgot all about it until I was going up the escalator and I saw these 2 random elaborate costumes. From behind I thought they were something of Lady Gaga's because we were launching her new fragrance Fame in a few days (btw it's pretty decent and is the first perfume to actually spray on black before seeping into the skin). When I got to the top I actually saw that they were LA Opera costumes!  Each amazingly detailed work of art had a picture of the actor in the costume and the dates/title of the production. This is the stuff of my dreams... costuming is probably like my 2nd or 3rd biggest passion after acting (obviously) and my Irish heritage but it might be stronger then being Irish.. like I said 2 or 3. At first I was just in awe of the 2 amazing dresses at the top of the escalator but as I turned the corner to clock in at my sunglass bay I saw these beauties:

 They are phenomenal the detailing on the two dresses was breathtaking. The black dress has such a classic neckline and the beading is so elaborate! The white dress oozes sensuality and the draping creates this fantastic elongated form. I was in heaven then I noticed the jewels... a tiara, 20's style hat with a feather, rings etc more bling then any girl could dream of. In a whole other world of brocade heaven was this:

I had fantasies about fabric like this when I was making my dress for the Regency Ball in England but such a thing is hard to come by these days. I spent a good half hour not working and just soaking in the details. Why were these amazing costumes in a department store you may be thinking? We were having an LA Opera charity event at the store later that night. About 20 minutes after I forced myself to walk away another employee spilt an entire GALLON of hot pink paint right in front of the dresses....if the glass wasn't there they would of gotten splattered! Literally there was pink paint all over the glass and they had to get a wet vac to get all the paint off the rug. Can you imagine priceless dresses with pink paint all over them by accident...luckily they were safe. That night I was talking to some of the people who came for the event. I saw this one older man who was there super early with a to die for camera. I asked "Are you a big fan of the opera?" her replied "Yes I love it. I am the official photographer actually. I took most of the pictures on the costumes signs." I was in awe. Not only is he a working photographer he had one of the coolest subjects ever. I didn't get an opportunity to talk to anyone else that night because I was working but just being near the costumes excited me. It's been almost a week and a half now and everyday I look at them noticing more and more details. I think about the work that went into making them and more often I ponder what would it would be like to wear them on stage. I think it's important to really see the beautiful things that are around us when we actually take the time to look.... because beauty is everywhere. 

5 Ways to Tell if Someone Cares About You

As human being we are social creatures who get attached to other humans. We are constantly seeking bonds with others and for most people being alone is akin to torture. However sometimes we hold on to relationships of all types even when another person clearly does not feel the same way or even "care." So in an attempt to unmask those devilish people I have compiled a list that illustrates what is means to show you care....
1) If someone cares about you they think about you and wonder how you are. "I hope Sally had a fun labor day weekend trip. I should send her a text and see how it went." The thought is followed up by some action text, phone call, messenger pigeon, etc...
2) If someone cares about you they ask you questions. A person who ask questions is usually genuinely interested in YOUR answer. If they don't care they will spend excessive time talking of only themselves and their likes. If someone ask you "What are you passionate about?" they really care about what you have to say and they will remember the answer.
3) If someone cares about you they are considerate of not only their own feeling but yours as well. For instance you may be an avid vegetarian and they a steak fanatic but maybe when they are with you they will refrain from the steak because they know it upsets you (all hypothetical of course).
4) If someone cares about you random things will remind you of that person. You may be perusing a store and see something and say "Wow Bob would really love that gardening hoe for springtime." You know the person's likes and things you associate with that person will remind you of them. If random things never make you think of other people you probably aren't very observant or you don't actually care.
5) If someone cares about you their word is their bond. They don't need to tell white lies, or make excuses, because they will %100 genuinely want to do the things they say they will do just because it will make you happy. We want to make the people we care about happy so we do things to ensure that. At the end of the day words mean very little actions will show you the truth. If someone cares about you they will show it.

Dirty Dancing in a Cemetery

Doing some dirty dancing with Johnny

So Jaffe and I had been planning a trip to visit the weekly movies that show at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery (the weirdest graves I have ever seen EVER) for the whole summer but my work schedule totally was preventing it. Then when they released September 1st as Dirty Dancing I actually put in for the day off... this was an opportunity too awesome to miss. Knowing there was a strong chance it would be sold out we be bought the tickets and planned to get there earlier in case. We even secretly hoped it would be quite because everyone leaves LA for holiday weekends....it was PACKED! We still managed to get a good spot and we brought a picnic dinner. I love a good picnic. As the sun was setting we chatted, nibbled, and just relaxed. They projected old movie posters on the side of the mausoleum. Some groups brought whole set ups with mini tables and multiple dishes and card games- it was impressive. Everyone was pretty much squeezed in like sardines. We were behind 2 very annoying groups one which kept encroaching on our blankets and another that continually talked about their joints and spilling wine everywhere. However it was too precious to not love it overall.

      When they finally put up the DD poster everyone cheered. It was fun at all the main awesome shots or scenes people would clap, yell, etc like an opening night of a superhero movie. At one point everyone started waving their candles and cell phones it was hilarious. Of course the movie was great and My Swayze was so devilishly handsome. I love the music and costumes and of course the dancing. Half way through the movie a shooting star came right across overhead and fell right behind the projection. I was shocked because earlier I mentioned I was surprised you could see 7 stars in the sky that night....yes 7 I love stars so I counted. A shooting star in LA.... what are the chances.... I was shocked. I closed my eyes and made the most sincere wish. Of course I can't say it, but if you know me I bet you can take a good guess at what it might be. The whole thing was magical and I loved every second. Every time I see the film I think I want to dance the dance during the 'time of my life' at my wedding. It seems super silly like I would have to meet someone who would actually indulge me enough to learn it! It could start off with like an old traditional regency era dance then switch into the DD dance.... ok i'm getting a little ahead of myself but hey a girl can dream right? UPDATE: there are a ton of these on youtube but i liked this was best because they're so sincere https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OF1pLRZU6k It was such a good way to spend an evening. Next time i'll bring more layers and booze everyone had something!

Living for this Moment in LA

        Today I had one of the most beautiful experiences I have had in awhile. It was one of those moments when you feel like the universe is completely aligned and for that second you are exactly where you should be and it's so right. Kish and I were going to a gosho (writings of Nichiren Daishonin) study meeting at a fellow members house. I had a feeling it was going to be amazing when the street name was viewsite terrace. If you have ever driven in the hills of LA it feels like scary death- the roads are tiny and turning/parking is a nightmare luckily this morning I was not driving. I proclaimed "i'm sure the view is nice but it it really worth the hassle."

Roomies

        Once we walked in the front door there was a direct open view to LA in all it's glory! I leaned over to Kish and said "I take it back....it's totally worth it." I had to remind myself my mouth was agape. There were treasures from around the world and gorgeous art hanging beautifully. I don't want to say exactly whose house it was but wikipedia says "He is generally acknowledged to be jazz's greatest living composer." As we chanted the breeze rustled the room and the sunshine shone perfectly. It was a truly indescribable moment I was so beyond happy and eternally grateful for where I am.
         At one point in chanting we always honor the dead and I started crying I was just so overjoyed and I thought I so desperately want to share this with my mother, I know she would be proud of me. It's the hardest time and the best times that really make you miss someone you love. The writing was about overcoming deep struggle. The part that resonated with me most deeply was "The hardships along the way were worse then I imagined, and indeed more then I can put writing. I will leave you to surmise what I endured. But I have been prepared for such difficulties from the onset."It was exactly how I felt about my life in LA.
      Another part was "You who are presently suffering also posses within you the power to overcome that suffering." I cried pretty much the entire discussion silently but it was unavoidable (note the puffiness in the pictures). I know the struggle has made me strong and victorious I would never take any of it away. Am I completely sick of eating Romen and trying to decide if I can afford juice this week, ya, but am I still happy... yes. I cried for the struggle and the current successes I am having with my work situation. I cried for the loss of my mother and her support I so deeply cherished. I cried for my new job and how it will change my situation. It's a bizarre feeling to be so intensely happy and sad simultaneously. For that 2 hours I felt so alive, so in the moment, so blessed, and so content.

Vinessa and I pretty in purple!